This hysterectomy is a lot less demanding of my emotions than the top surgery.
I do need a few days to process my feelings around all of it.
Papi said I'm acting different.
yeah ... well at least i still have my lady bits ...
I am having feelings, but I just can't figure out what they are.
Papi asked if it was because it was the last procedure to get through.
Could be.
Could be that it's all over now and we get to watch the butterfly emerge.
I honestly don't know what it is, but I'm sure it will surface soon.
It usually does when I'm writing to 'you', my imaginary friend.
I haven't had a chance to force feed Papi any vegetables yet.
I'm too busy feeding and caring for the Fuzzy Family, the 96 year old coot, and the wounded tranny.
except for yesterday ... yesterday i played hookie from being a caretaker and got to see some of my 'rough around the edges friends' ...
Interesting enough though, last night we watched a documentary on transgender children.
The narrator told us they'd be using their birth assigned gender as the referring pronoun.
I was actually shocked that they would disrespect the children this way.
When we were watching the documentary, these children were the gender they felt. It didn't matter that they were born a boy or girl. They were definitely the gender they felt in their mind.
I was horrified that they documentary makers would refer to them as a gender they clearly were not.
It pleased me that I was horrified.
It means I'm thinking a hell of a lot differently than I was a year ago.
Then it dawned on me.
A year ago, I couldn't fathom being in a relationship with a transgender person. I couldn't imagine ever letting go of my perfect butch that I grieved for.
I believe that's the reason the top surgery was such a big deal compared to the hysterectomy. I wasn't ready for it.
Time heals us.
I was well enough to be Papi's support system for this surgery.
When the top surgery happened, I wasn't ready. This is why it was such an ordeal for me.
I suppose this means I truly am ready to deal with all of the changes.
One good thing about the hysterectomy? Papi will be taking less of that poison everyone flippantly refers to as 'T'.
Testosterone.
The 'rules' are still in place about that one.
They must still be called hormones for my weak psyche to handle the fact that this concoction is roaming through my love's body, changing him from the inside out.
I don't know that I'll ever get used to that one, but then I said that about a lot of things, didn't I?
