all hail the boob!

Sunday Sillies.

I had SUCH a nice visit with my Jersey Girl neighbour.

Can't really say she's just a Jersey Girl, because she's lived all over the world.

She also had a half sibling that she didn't know about until adulthood, only she got to find her missing piece.

We both agreed that you never know if I will find my big brother.  Life has ways of surprising us when we least expect.

Like the surprise that she offered me yesterday.

You see, I have been heartbroken that I can't have my piano here.

I have to find a new home for it.

It's been my baby for so many years, but it needs a home and it can't be here in the Dominican Republic, or it will be ruined within mere months.

However, the Jersey Girl has a special room with special temperature that she keeps the door closed to keep all the ocean air out.

It's for her baby grand piano.

She can't play anymore, as age has inundated her with arthritis that people get tend to get as they get older.

She asked me to please come play it, because it needs to be played.

I understand this.

I need my piano to go to a home where it will be played as well.

But the fact that 3 doors down on the beach there is a piano just waiting for me to play it was amazing.

There are only 5 pianos on the island.

The chances that one of them is in my hood is incredible!!!

Looks like I'll be practising in no time.

When Papi goes back to Canada to visit G'ma in August, I'll have him bring a ton of my music.

He'll grumble about it.

But whatever.

My foot is down.

I have a piano to play.

I also have a baby to play with.

They joke a lot about just giving me our godson.

It's hard to tell if they're serious or not, because Our Fave's Mom seems so indifferent to the child.

I urged her to feed the Little Angel by breast, not formula.

I've learned from an advocate that this is what they do to women here.

They convince them that their cervix and canal are too small, and that they need a C-Section.

They convince them that their babies are better off with formula, because the child's stomach needs to have 'better' food.

It's horrible.

I tried to persuade her with the benefits of how a mother's milk will give the Little Angel all the antibodies he needs to build his immune, but with my lack of Spanish, all I could really say was how important it is to their health.

I also tried to put a positive twist on it, "And it's a free meal!  No money necessary!"

I told her that in Canada, they're on the boob right away.

Today, the Little Angel wouldn't take the bottle, but as soon as Our Fave's Mom gave him the boob, he started eating right away.

Intuitively, he knows what's best.

Chemicals or natural milk?

A child is all intuition.

I have much more information to give Our Fave's Mom about the benefits.  I'll start googling the words and make my sentences to help her understand.

I'll do my best.

She deserves to give the Little Angel health.

wonderful things unfold before me

Gratitude Day 5/10
1. I am grateful for fresh vegetables from local vendors.
2. I am grateful for the world's most comfortable bed to ease my back.
3. I am grateful for the opportunity to play a piano here on the island.
4. I am grateful our washing machine did another load, even though it's been a month since the last time it let me.
5. I am grateful for electricity.
6. I am grateful for the support of friends.
7. I am grateful to feel loved.
8. I am grateful 2/3 of our roof renos are almost done.
9. I am grateful for clean healthy water.
10. I am grateful to have hope in this world.

red flag

If you weren't pissed off enough from the G'ma predator post, this will make your blood boil for sure.

Upon speaking to one of her friends, we found out that he had done the same thing to her.

He intimidated this other lady by forcing her to sit with him at functions they both attend, he constantly came on to her, and when she refused his proposal of sex, he got angry at her, because she wouldn't let him come up to her apartment.

Red flag much?

That was enough for me to get the police involved.  They said that given her age and the fact that she has Alzheimer's, that they'd definitely set up a file for her.

Normally, the victim would have to be the one to report, but in this case, we could do the deed in her place.

We've set up the file and the other ol' fart is going to use the file case to make her complaint as well.

They now know where he lives, what he drives ...

... while he's drunk ...

... and what he's up to.

Turns out, they already have him on the radar.  They didn't specify as to what it was for, so we're assuming that it's for D.U.I.s.

I asked if he had a record of being a sexual predator, but he doesn't have a record for that.

Yet.

If he makes one more move, he WILL have a record as an offender.

We have no proof that he's done anything to our G'ma, but at least he's banned from the home and is on the radar of the police.

We're allllll watching you asshole.

I dare ya.  Make a step and test me.

After all the gramma drama of the police, and G'ma not really understanding why they were there, Papi and I had a much better evening.

We relaxed.  Everything is done, and now we just wait for the house to sell.

That was when I felt I could take a phone call from My Boifriend.

Sometimes, I just can't have a conversation, because I can't focus on anything other than the stress I'm freaked out by, but last night I did.

I'm so excited!  My Boifriend knows how to start the process of finding my big brother!

I feel the need to find him before we take off.  We have a bit of time.  The house has to sell and I have to finish up with my legal stuff in December.

So, we have a few months to find him!

I can't wait!

I really feel like this could happen.  The power of energy is important to remember.

Getting the energy out there that I'm looking for him may allow that beautiful positive energy to help me find him.

I believe I can.

I wonder if he's looking for us as well?  I wonder if he looks like me?  I wonder if he got the same Honky 'Fro that I got from our father?  I wonder if he has the same horrible crooked teeth? 

Oh, I guess I can't say that about myself anymore.  They're lookin' pretty straight and pretty now!

My Brace Face has really come a long way.

Anyway, as I sit here and write, I watch all the people walking past me and wonder, brother, where art thou?

It could be that man I just saw walk past. 

It really could be anyone.

i am stress free

what's mine is mine.

Oh, what The Great DR Purge is bringing up.

As we go through our things and decide what goes and what stays, it brings out a lot of memories to relive.

Good, bad and ugly.

... i will have to scan and post my 80's hair for ya!!! ...

One such memory, is a picture of being reunited with my dad in '99.

It saddens me that I have a deadbeat dad who is a manchild.

Since that reconciliation, I've tried to have a relationship with him, but it's not possible with someone who doesn't know how to do it, or give back.

Having said that, I understand a little bit more about him.

He got a girl pregnant at 15, and I can envision how sad my dad must have been to always know there's a child of his out there that was taken from him at such a young age.

I sympathize with the feeling of grief.

I more than perceive the feeling of guilt.

I can picture how it stumped his emotional development, and even when I popped up as a mistake only two years after he let go of his first child, he didn't take that as an opportunity to work on himself.

Instead, he threw himself further into the abyss of drugs.

When I saw that picture last night, it flattened out my heart.  I had to put it down to remember why it is I can't have a relationship with him.

If you want a friend/family, you have to be a friend/family.

It's so hard to know I can never expect a birthday call from him, or for that matter, a belated congratulations on my wedding.

He can't be there for anything in my life that has importance to me.

There's nothing to share with him, because he's an empty shell.

Seeing it in that picture crushed me.

I could see the wanting of a father in my little girl in my face.  I was hunched over, shoulders turned inwards and was as small as I could possibly be, with the greatest smile I could ever muster.

He was my dad for that small girl who didn't have him to grow up with, if only for that moment.

I have a visual to remember that.

Having lived a life of a fair amount of loss, this photograph is another example of why I am responsible to fill myself up, because I could never count on anyone else to do it.

Certainly, he can't, won't and never will.

He abandoned me when I needed him most, which has made it very difficult to trust anyone as I grew to a woman.

Well, I have a brother out there who probably grew up in a wonderful 2 parent home, with so much love that he may never have had to feel this loss.

I found out his birth mother's name.

My aunt was gracious enough to give a phone call to my sperm donor to find out her name so that my baby sister and I can start on the journey of finding our big brother.

I've known of his presence from a young age, even if nobody believed me all these years.

I feel like he may be searching for us as well.

He's out there.

That little missing piece of our family.

I wonder what he's like.

Healthy?  Happy?  Successful?  Perhaps, none of the above?

It doesn't matter to me, because all I need to do is find him for whatever reason, because I've been psychically connected to him since I was a young girl.

As for dear ol' dad, I have so much love for you, but it's sad to say, love just isn't enough.

we have to accept that some things may never be ours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only ours and ours alone.