got bugs?

Well, that some some weird strange bug.

I'm not talking about this one:

 or this one:

 or this one:

 or this one:

 or this one:

... which was probably the one that was on my head the other day.

... shudders ...

I'm talking about a virus.

We're not used to the viruses and bugs here in the Dominican Republic.

Papi had it first.

I thought it was just the fact that he was brushing his teeth with dirty well water, but it was a flu type thing.

Then I got it.

It started out like heartburn.

I never get heartburn, so that was odd enough in itself.

Then the headache came, and finally the nausea, fever and weakness.

Ouch.

I was afraid to get up today, because I didn't want to face the sickness, but somehow, I feel better.

My Eternal Friend had told me that when she moved to Guatemala, she was sick the first year non-stop and not just ordinary sick.  REALLY sick.

We're not used to the viruses in other countries.

Papi was down for the count for a good 3 days.  Looks like mine only lasted a day.

Perhaps it's because I exist on more than pop and Pringles, my love?

Also, it may have been the fact that I'm eating raw garlic non-stop.  That will build your immune in a jiffy.

I also wasn't sure if they had vampires here, so garlic was a good idea for that as well.

The bats are in abundance here.

Papi hates bats.  I LOVE them!!!!!  They're so damn cute!  Those little noses, eyes and ears are too much!!!

And the males will open their wing to cover up their mate when an intruder comes near.

Such chivalry!

Reminds me of Papi.  Always the gentleman.

Except for last night, while I was sick and asked for my favourite, white trash, gross out Papi meal; rice pasta with pretend butter and bacon bits.

He was too busy being engulfed in Facebook chats and left my food cooking until it was a pile of rice pasta sludge.

"I'm sorry honey!  I'm having 2 important conversations at one time!!!"

I ate it anyway.

It's not like I had the energy to get up and do anything for myself.

Besides, I was so hungry after not eating enough all day that it tasted like a delicacy at a fine restaurant.

Amazing what you'll eat when you're hungry, no?

i fill all physical appetites in physically healthy ways

man hair. everywhere.

I must be done with the processing, as the conversations we have are just plain silly and effortless about things that I didn't think I'd ever be able to handle.

Like hair.

Chest hair, belly hair, armpit hair, ass hair, thigh hair and chin hair.

Just plain ol' man hair.

Well, of course I'd love to talk about my hair, because it's usually all about my hair, but my hair is a fucking mess right now, because we have no heat in our suite, and I'm not going to sit around in the brrrrr chill while my mane air dries.

That doesn't make me feel comfortable and being such a hypochondriac, I'm too afraid of catching a cold.  So, it's hats and pins and pigtails for my hair.

Oops.

It all became about my hair again.

Oh, how I digress.

Ok, back on track.

I look at a picture of Papi and I on our engagement day in Cuba.

This picture is so full of happiness, yet also, it's full of uncomfortableness.

On both of our parts.

I remember on that day, that Papi had said to me, "I wanted our picture to look like the other people's picture."  You see, they were more comfortable.

I get very affected by homophobic people, and we never know when they're going to pop up.

Like the man behind the camera that day.

I don't know if he was or not, but two lesbians in front of him was a good opportunity to show his true colours.

Of course, he didn't, but still, I waited for it.

Then there was Papi, uncomfortable in his own skin, because he had a secret that he needed to tell me, but was too afraid to say it, due to the fact that I would say negative things about trans people.

My transphobia scared Papi, and rightfully so.

I would go on about how we're losing all our butches to male transformation, not to mention go on about how people were brainwashing younger people into thinking this was the 'in' thing to do.

It does happen, but I've only known about one pusher who did this.

So there we were.

Both of us were so happy because it was our engagement, but you could see we were both awkward.

Now, you'll find me in Costco asking some guy, "Hey!  You're a guy!  Which of these electric shavers would you recommend?"

They would steer Papi in the right direction saying, "I like this one.  For the money, it's the best one you can get."

Then there was last night.  Papi said, "I also need to get a new man-scaper.  That one also didn't make the trip out of the Dominican alive."

Off he went to get it and I didn't even think about it beyond that.

Until of course, later on when he lifted his armpit to show me how nice it looked because it was tamed with his new toy.

Then I had a moment that was epic.

We were going to get our criminal check done so we could apply for residency in the DR, and while I was at my wicket, Papi saddled up behind me.  The woman behind the counter asked in a very stern voice, "Ma'am, do you know the gentleman who is now standing behind you?"

Like flowing water, I looked, then turned back to say, "Yes, that's my husband."

My husband.

It's all very normal now.

Who knew I could do this?

i am a hero

My Mushy Family Post.

Let me tell you how wonderful of a family my baby sister has.

First, I was greeted by my nephew, who is now taller than me.

He was a perfect, young gentleman who grabbed all my items from me to help me in the door.  I was so impressed by this.  My nephew has become a true gentleman!

My niece is thrilled about plants and birds!  That made me so happy!  She has a pretty little heart with a tendency for lying or manipulating to get her way.  If that doesn't work, she just asks Daddy.  He'll always give her what she wants.

She's got him wrapped around that pretty little finger in a tight fashion.  He is never going to let go of his little girl.

Then there's my brother in-law, whom I made some homemade pain killers for.  I did it!  I helped him feel better!

But then he passed out.  That sucked.  Oh, how I can relate.

My baby sister was the star of the show, with an amazing spread of food and her no bullshit attitude, I was glued to her side, and if given the opportunity, I would have hugged her all night.

However, she was a bit busy.

Oh, I didn't mention Papi and I brought G'ma and the dogs.

We couldn't leave the old fart alone in the house for so many hours, so we brought her along.

I can't bear children, but because I wanted one, life gave me what I asked for.

Only thing is, it's in the form of 96 years, with Alzheimer's and a walker.

Oh, and diapers.

At least I don't have to change them.  Papi has already said that if need be, he'll be the undies cleaner.

There have been a few accidents from the old bird already and Papi took care of it.

I'm sorta like the man in this sense.  I'll be sick if I try to deal with it.

... yes, as a matter of fact, i am a wimp. whatever! judge yourself! ...

Chaos was in abundance and I think The Golden may have aged about 3 years with this visit, because there was a puppy.

A very, very bad puppy.

Not to mention, there was also a super humper!  Their other dog just couldn't get enough of our one eye's sexiness and was a horn dog for the whole night.

Sir Bark-A-Lot made sure he did his job protecting his herd.

Chaos!

And it felt like a normal family.

My family.

My family, who accepts and loves Papi, G'ma and I.

There we all were, enjoying our meal and nobody knew I felt like I was whole.  I felt I had all I needed, because there was so much love.

And pain.  I don't recommend trying to eat steak a month and a half after jaw surgery.

I also brought my last container of coconut ice cream and ate it with glee, while the rest of them ate apple caramel crumble topped with real ice cream.

Yes, theirs sounds wayyyyyyyy better than mine, but my sweet tooth was satiated and I left feeling sleepy from potatoes and processed sugar.

Today is a new day and I begin to treat my body with the respect it deserves.  I look forward to feeling healthier physically and emotionally, having more energy, and getting rid of the little red spots on my face, legs and chest from too much bad food.

All I have to do is not buy the goodies I want.

This won't be difficult.  I have $3 to last me until the 23rd of this month.

Really, this whole blob/blab entry could be said with one sentence:

I have an amazingly wonderful family.

today, i will keep going inside myself to find joy

I'm married to a Werewolf

Papi told me my blog was boring yesterday.

It's always important to have a strong critique around our craft, isn't it?

I know that the 'boring' label was given, because my blog for the past 2 days hasn't been about mi esposo.

oh! btw ... i haven't had any more visits from jesus, g'pa, or the devil ... just fyi ... however, the tranny terrorist did stuff 'jesus on a stick' back into my jacket pocket for a giggle ...

The fact that it was probably deemed boring, strictly because Papi wasn't in it, was confirmed when my love asked, "Would you like to take a picture of my ass hair to talk about in your blog?"

No, I don't think you all need to check out the hair that is billowing from my love's ass crack now.

You'll be happy to know I stuck up for 'you', my imaginary friend.  I'm positive you don't need to see what I saw the other day.

To think I was concerned about facial hair!?!?!?

Oh, let me tell you, ass hair wins this one all the way.

There is also enough hair on Papi's upper thighs now to keep him warm all winter.  I'm pretty sure there is no need for long johns from this winter forward.

I'm also quite positive that the cloak of hair is going to be really hot for my love when we move to the Dominican Republic.

I've already informed my love that if there isn't any volunteering of hair removal after the thrill of looking like a werewolf has ended, that I will drug him in his sleep and wax that shit off.

Part of the reason I'd like to get rid of all the body hair is because my love likes to flaunt it in my face, while rubbing his thigh hair as if it was a prized dog, accompanied by a taunting, Tranny Terrorist smile that says, "How do you like this, my dear wife?"

My love is never short on props to use to his whimsical advantage.

It has indeed been quiet on the Tranny Terrorist front while my love is still healing from the hysterectomy.

Yesterday, when I was out for dinner with a sweet friend, we were talking about what's important in a relationship to each of us.  For me, I'll pick someone who can make me laugh over romance.

I can live without romance when there's a funny one in my life, however, I'm fortunate enough that my love is a massive romantic at heart, as well as someone who makes me laugh.

My friend said, "You must have laughs every day with that character."

I confirmed and upped the ante, "Yes.  Every day, and usually more than once a day."

I do love the Tranny Terrorist in a warped, sick way.

I'm a sucker for attention.

I was once labeled an 'attention whore' in a former relationship.

This label is not far off the map.

I was a little short on attention after my parents split up, and I'm pretty sure I've been trying to make up for it for the rest of my breathing life.

I'm cool with admitting it.

And it's probably why I fell in love with Papi so quickly.

My love gives me all the attention I could ever want, coupled with goofiness that keeps me laughing and rolling my eyes, not to mention gushing over what a romantic gentleman Papi is.

Well, that is of course, when my love isn't lying around healing in the La-Z-Boy.

Anyway, I hope this blog was much more interesting to Papi.

Even though I'm the one writing to 'you', it really is all about him isn't it?

You suck old man sweaty balls.

Dearest gentlemen who read my blog:

Thank you for being gentlemen.

And to the dreg of the earth, 50 year old virgin, living in your parents' basement, satan spawn who reads my blog to jack off to:

Fuck off.

Well, the time has come to take options for 'anonymous' comments off my page, since a creep wrote a gross comment yesterday, which I'm sure was supposed to be some kind of (ummmm?) compliment?

dude ... there's a reason you're still a virgin ... you really need to work on your pick up lines

If you read anonymously, know that you can always email me if you'd like to say something that now can't be posted here on my blog.

at least there i can block scum.

Just because I speak candidly about my sexuality doesn't mean I'm writing for filth to get off on.

And seriously?

To read my ranting, whining, moaning about my flu seems like the entry to write your crud?

Wow.

I'll be sure not to moan about flus and colds from now on if that brings out the waste of the world.

ok but really! my fever went up to 99.8!! c'mon! it was awful! oooh ... does that turn you on?

This slimeball wouldn't even know what to do with a lesbian in bed.

I remember when one of my dyke friends decided they'd sleep with a guy to see what it was like.  Her review?

"It was quick and painless."

Exactly.

Poor Papi.  My love got really upset about the excrement that was smeared on the walls of my comments.  Mi esposo has a bit of trouble keeping calm when someone disrespects me.

Papi got all up in a tizzy when I got into a fight with a guy on the road.  He was driving like an idiot and cut me off.

I pulled up beside him to speak my mind and the next thing you know, Papi was getting out of the car to fight.

Ok.

So, that would seem like a typical thing for a man to do, and the guy yelled something like, "I'll fuck you up boy!"

What this slime didn't know was that this was only a week after my love got back from the top surgery and couldn't even lift a hand, never mind an arm to swing.

me thinks i would've had to do the fighting that day!!!

Anyway, my love wanted to climb through the computer screen when Papi read the turd that was left in my toilet.

Ah, Papi, thank you for defending your femme.

And you know, your 5 Foot Clitoris is much bigger than this guy's penis.

I promise you.

The highlight was today for sure!!!

Before I go into the beauty of what we experienced today, I just want to share my gratitude.

I am treated like a princess with Papi.  Doors are held, chairs pulled out, everything where I am put first by the gentleman.

I certainly do have a sweet gentleman in my life.  My love has always been this, but it seems that I notice it more when I'm around people from other countries and walks of life.

I feel as though I'm wearing a tiara when my love is so good to me and other women don't get the same treatment.

The other half of my gratitude?

Today.

2 and a half years ago, I was in a wheelchair, my brain injury causing me to walk like a drunk.  It was awful and it felt like I was always walking on a canoe on water.

I struggled to learn how to walk again, yet today?

Today I climbed a fucking mountain of amazing glory!!!

I trod through rocks and boulders ...

with a little help from the guides and Papi ... my balance is still not the best

... making my way up the country side climbing up 7 waterfalls.

The object of the game was to get to the top of the 7 waterfalls,

although there were 27 ... we would only be doing the first ones

and then slide down each one of them that we climbed through.

The men and Papi all helped me up every single rock, every single pool of fresh Dominican water and every single steep climb that I had to make it through.

But I made it.

I made it to the end of the journey and then the fun began.

This injured body got to slide down waterfall after waterfall.  I was light and strong.  I fell into pools of glorious fresh mountain water.

I can't even tell you how amazingly lucky I felt that only 2 and a half years ago I couldn't even walk to the washroom on my own.

Here I am.

I am living.

I was able to go on the Jeep Safari with a man who called himself 'Indiana Jones'.  And yes, the journey up the mountain was just that.  A movie to me.  Reality for everyone, but to me it was like I had never lived before this day.

By the end of the day, we had the privilege of supporting a community by buying their art, giving out $50 worth of school supplies to a local school,

goddam ... seriously ... it was beautiful to give

and we got to try coffee and cocoa from a local woman who crushed the beans and made it right in front of our eyes.

The beauty of this land is so damn amazing that I seriously wish I could just stay and never go home.

We plan on moving here soon enough, but I'm just amazed at the land of lush.

This day.

Epic.

Sorta like a 2nd honeymoon, along with a monumental moment of climbing that mountain I've been working so hard to climb.

I have arrived.

The bitch is back

I realize now that I've been jumping so far into the future that I've forgotten about my present.  I've done that all my life.  I create anxiety for myself entertaining my brain with the 'what if' phenomenon.

There isn't a chance that I will ever know what is in the future for myself and my love.  I don't get to know what my love will look like.  Right now, Papi is here with me and the only change is that 'man stink', which is being masqueraded with smelly soaps.

Papi may look good after the upheaval, but my mind jumps to the people that have not transitioned very well and think it's ok to look like a dumpy middle aged man.  I've been reminded by the lovely doctor yesterday that if Papi is someone who takes pride in appearance in present day, that this will more than likely continue in the future.

Oh, speaking of the doctor, I had an interesting reminder of the femme that was on psychological leave for 6 weeks.

When I took the elevator up to the doctor's office yesterday, I was accompanied by an obvious F-M.  He looked about 12 years old.  I knew exactly which office he was going to, but he had no idea I'd be following in his wake, because to the world we femmes are an invisible member of the gay community.

Upon entering the cramped space of the waiting room, there were 2 chairs.  One was inhabited by a purse and jacket, the other was free.  This unripe F-M took the empty seat.

My mind was telling me to say, "Ok, listen.  If you're going to do this, there's some things you've got to learn.  The first thing is you need to be a gentleman and offer the lady a seat."

Chivalry is dead.  Well, except in the case of my love.  But I digress ...

Instead of saying it with words, I stood and made the young buck uncomfortable by standing directly in front of him, peering over his shoulder at books.  I couldn't tell you what any of them were.  I was just looking at nothing really.

Then I decided that like a good femme, I needed my lip gloss, so I proceeded to take care of my ego right in front of the perched developing fledgling.

Out of the office came the happiest fag I've ever seen and lo and behold, he was shocked that I was standing!  There's the gentleman!  He apologized profusely for the seat being taken over by the doctor's pretty belongings.

"Oh dear, she likes to throw her things all over the place.  But then, it is her office.  I suppose she can do whatever she wants," he said with a sweet giggle.

He removed them and gave the lady a seat.

I said sarcastically, "I wasn't sure if that was a seat that was being saved for someone who really needed it," with a smile.

I took my seat all the while still exuding the massive amounts of energy that I tend to have.  The youngin' beside me seemed to vanish from my wattage and I realized at that point that I'm doing much better.

The bitch is back.

When I had my session with the lovely doctor, I realized that I certainly AM doing much better.  I delved into the far little corners of my pain and only once did a few little tears escape my eyes.  I don't consider that crying.  That was just a leak.

I left feeling stronger, but I had feared the future would have me leaving the office with red swollen eyes and matching nose.  I didn't.  I strutted out the proud femme, and down the elevator I pranced to my waiting chariot and prince.

I remember the doctor had said that my voice on the phone sounded like I was so very small.  That was how I felt.  I wanted to get smaller and smaller and just vanish.  Witnessing my behavior in the waiting room and in the session, I realized I've grown.

I had a phone call from a friend last night and we spoke for 2 and a half hours about 'it', about a certain person in the community who pushes people to delve into 'it' and about life's past experiences in general.  There were no tears.  There wasn't even a leak.

There was a lot of anger and a lot of fun banter, but I was far from tiny.  I enjoyed my company right up to the phone threatening to kill the conversation at 4%.

I'm beginning to see the robust Andréa again.

God it's been a long month and a half.  I'm so glad I'm feisty again.

It has certainly been a happy new year.