with the angels

Her body is gone.

It was not the easiest choice, considering she was only a year old.

She just started being the best guard dog.

But her body had shut down and she stopped eating, yet was vomiting bile.

From the tests Dr. Bob did, he deduced that she only had a few days left, so it seemed like the best idea would be to allow her to go before she wound up suffering.

I cried so hard.  I'm pretty wiped from it.

But I do have to tell you about the people who were there at Dr. Bob's.

It seemed like this girl was a little clueless when she came in.

When she saw that I was in tears, she asked, "Is she OK?"

I told her she wasn't, that she was in renal failure, but I guess she doesn't really grasp what that means.  She replied, "We have some herbs to help that.  We saved a dog from a heart attack with our herbs."

Really?  So, when you saw a dog having a heart attack, did you just run screaming, "This dog is having a heart attack!  Quick!  Grab the herbs!"

Now, I'm all about the natural remedies.  I'll take natural over pharmaceutical any time there's an option.

But renal failure?  Her body had simply shut down and she was delirious, which was why she would just walk somewhere and stare into the nothing-ness.

We had suspected that she was not 'right' for a long time.  As in, since a few months after we rescued her.  We always thought that she was an 'odd' dog.

I can't tell you how many times we've said, "She's not like other dogs."

Dr. Bob's tests didn't show any actual poisoning, but that her body just did this on her own.  Her kidney has been failing for a long time and her body finally gave in.

I would have tried anything if I knew a year ago that her little body wasn't producing like it should.

We just didn't know.

But back to Flower Child.

Her mother was there and Hippy-Dip was telling her mother about a motorcycle accident and how the doctors are making the victim have surgery without pain killers.

I guess this is their first experience with the fact that this country refuses pain killers under every circumstance.  Yes, even surgery.

So, what was the mother's response?!?!?  "Oh, that's horrible!  She needs a new doctor!  I'm going to have to bring her my healing mat!"

Really?!?!?!  What fucking planet did you people come from?!

Oh, but the finale was when Dr. Bob's blood tests proved their dog had tick poisoning, and the girl's response was, "But, he doesn't have ticks!"

That was enough.

Through all my sobbing and dying from grief, I had to retreat outside to be alone and cry without all the stupidity.

Since coming home, I've slept away the tears and The Donkey has been acting out of control.

She also won't stop sniffing Papi's shorts.

It's as if she's saying, "I can smell the death.  Why can I smell the death!"

She keeps walking around searching for Pathetic Puppy.

The Thug is coming for hugs and won't stop talking.  He seems to be saying, "Where's my toy.  I liked that toy."

Jake-a-Like is needy.

Papi and I are so sad.

Her little spirit was more than alive, even if her body had been dying for a long time.

I whispered in her ear to come with me.  That she didn't need that sickly body any more.

That she could still be with us every day.

Amongst the angels.

i let go of sorrow, while holding on to love

calgon, take me away ...

Tendonitis.

I've been playing too much piano in a short period of time.

Not a bad thing to be playing so much, but ouch.

My left hand still hurts from the dog bite, ankle is still swollen and even hurts to roll over in bed ...

... never mind those fucking stairs!!! ...

... and now I have tendonitis in my right hand.

I believe I am at war with myself.

No matter about the tendonitis.

I have a foolproof method to get rid of it.

I used to have it for years.

At one point I couldn't even play an instrument for a few years because of the pain.

Then I learned how to heal it and I could spend hours in the studio with no problem.

I just forgot that I have to do that when I play a lot.

Now I remember.

Ouch.

At least, I have the song down now.

I'm over the top thrilled!!!

I think I'll record it because I like it in Spanish so much.

Did I tell you The Donkey learned how to drink out of the water cooler from Pathetic Puppy?

Yeah.

Awesome.

I want my own machine.

Nothing like nose mucus all over your water source.

Then there's a new trick Jake-a-Like has learned.

Every night, as I'm falling asleep reading my book, I put in my bookmark.

Every morning, when I wake up, I see the bookmark is out.

I just figured I really was too tired and didn't put it in properly, then rolled over on my book and it fell out.

Until this morning.

After a quick visit to the loo, I came back to Jake-a-Like holding it in his mouth, as if he was handing it to me like a prize.

"Look what I did for you!!!"

You know, it's bad enough that they ate my last favourite pen yesterday.

Oh, excuse me while I stop The Donkey from chewing up the floor ...

.......................

.......................

.......................

.. Ok, I'm back.

Anyway, as I was saying, what was I saying?

Oh, yeah.

Demon dogs.

I've figured that The Thug really doesn't want to beat the crap out of Pathetic Puppy, but when The Donkey gets out of hand and bullies her The Thug thinks it's beat down time.

So, I have to be on high alert when the play gets out of hand and calm the crazy play down to make sure nobody draws blood.

Yesterday I had to hose him down to get him off Pathetic Puppy.  Jeeeeeeezus!!!!

This morning, I got invited to the Housemaid's birthday party.

It will be so nice to just sit with all the kids, then struggle to speak to the adults.  No dogs to train.  No beat downs.  Just a birthday gathering.

Furthermore, I'll give the hand a little rest so that it's not so angry with me.

I only have 11 days until I see Papi again.

How I miss you, Papi.

i will accomplish whatever i choose to accomplish

it is possible!

I'm tired and I want to kill the Fuzzy Family today.

Apparently, so does Old Ghost Face.  We're all a little cranky.

I'm sure it was Pathetic Puppy who tore into the garbage.

The Thug has been hunting cats all night.  That is of course, when he wasn't panting from the heat.

The Donkey has been jumping on to the bed, causing Sir Bark-a-Lot to do what he does best, and Jake-a-Like has been sprawled along my body, making me warmer than I thought possible.

This is the first day here that I can actually say, "I'm too hot."  This will be the first day I'll experience what gratitude for a pool really means.

It's not so much the heat, so much as what comes with it.

Our air conditioner doesn't work when there's not enough city power to juice the batteries.

That means nobody in the village has had any power for a good day and a half.

At least we had enough to run our water.  People in the village have nothing.  It fucking sucks and don't get me started on how the government doesn't care about the people here.

Anyway, it was hot last night, but I don't usually mind the heat.

However, when there's no air conditioner, it means windows are open.

When windows are open it means mosquitos come in looking for snacks.

When they use my body for a meal, I'm up all night scratching.

Every available body part was eaten.

I was ready to tear my skin off last night.

Then, couple that with sweating and bug spray, and you have a sticky mess of dirt that beads and rolls on your skin as you scratch, making it look like you have miniature mouse shit all over your body.

Of course, the mosquitos are NOTHING compared to the ants that bite.

Seriously.  Way to harsh my mellow.

Thought I'd have some wine to help me sleep through the heat, and the ants thought it was a great idea as well!!!

In no time flat, I was flailing from being covered in ants who were biting my hands and arms, and those bitches hurt!!!!!

Then there's the itch that comes with the welts due to their chomping.  It's like the devil himself has crawled under my olive casing, adding salt and vinegar to the wounds.

When the ants nip me, I scratch until I bleed, leaving my derma with great gashes guaranteed to weep with pus later in the day.

These are the kinds of days I wish I didn't have to wear a bra.  A bra in the heat is pure hell.

It's not just the fact that it's tight up against my sweaty skin, but trying to get it on is like a game of twister.

It sticks to my shell before I can get it into place, then trying to adjust it once it's stuck is game of skill.

Forget about trying to get a sports bra on.  That will NEVER happen.  It will just roll along my skin, looking like the world's thinnest tube top.

It's the kind of day where you can shower away the sweat, but once you dry yourself from the shower, it's back in mere seconds.

It could be that I can't handle the heat because I had no sleep last night from the dogs' antics, and Papi up all night trying to get power back on.

That could be why I'm not enjoying this amazingly beautiful day.

Or, it's the fact that the heat has made it hard to sleep, leaving me a bitchy mess.

Today, I made my coffee extra strong.

Not to mention, I don't give a shit what I'm 'supposed to wear' as a white person to keep me safe from predators.

At this point, I'm wearing my fucking tank tops and cool, short, breezy skirts.

I'm bitchy enough that if anyone violates me today I won't have any problem telling them to fuck off.

Even if it's in English.  They'll know what the hell I mean by the nasty look on my face.

Maybe I'll pack my stun gun.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go scratch.

Indeed, it IS possible for ME to be TOO hot.

i sleep soundly and beautifully through the night

it's simple

He is American and talented.

He sang his American national anthem.

From the stands, those who have been taught racism rang out, "BOOOOO!!" because of the colour of his skin.

Why?

Today, important once again to search for simple joy.

Puppy nibbles on toes.

His little body twists and turns with exultation for no reason other than to express his merriment for living.

A walk with Papi and the Fuzzy Family down the beach as we giggle at their antics of jumping in and amongst the waves, rolling, tumbling.

We floated around in the pool, I drinking lime water for my stomach that seems to have come into contact with some bug, from somewhere, Papi drinking soda, of course.

We taught Pathetic Puppy and Jake-a-Like how to swim and exit, so that they could save themselves if they ever fell in to the pool.

This, while The Donkey swam laps around them.

I taught children piano, watching their pride glow as they felt the strength of playing the line right.

One little soul pulled on my heart strings.

We both wore glasses.

She liked mine, I liked hers.

She helped me with my Spanish, I helped her with her staccatos.

I felt connection to her awkwardness, and the wanting so badly to be loved and have approval.

Something as effortless as encouragement in her fledgling musicianship made us both feel strong.

It gave us an acquaintance where nothing mattered for that half hour, but the lesson and sharing the music.

MusicMan gave me a great hug when he saw me yesterday.

He had gratitude for me being there, I had gratitude that he was happy to see me.

Simply joy.

He told me he spoke to the BigWigs and it looks like I'll get paid for my work in September.

I'm already being paid in my heart, but a little reimbursement for my gas will be the cherry on top.

I was tired and weak when I arrived at Dream Project.

I left energized and ready to make more of my day than I had in a few days, from feeling so weighted in my heart.

When I arrived home, The Carpenter followed me in to our driveway with an offer: if I pay for the wood, he will make seats for the children of The Garage Band no charge.

It's happening!

People are starting to help with the children.

I only took the first steps.

But now, I am seeing others follow for their support.

Soon, they'll have a place to sit as they sing.

Simple joy.

This is only the beginning.

I'm so happy for them, and yes, for me.

It means their energetic, wiggly little bodies won't be squirming all over the place.

They'll have somewhere to plant themselves to listen a little better to instructions.

Seats.

Something so uncomplicated, yet another step toward more jubilance, love and gratitude.

It's simple to find, when you focus on the good.

Joy.

i feel good doing things that improve the well being of others

kill them now.

I'm going to lose it with these puppies.

Yesterday, they wreaked havoc.

It wasn't just the 2 whole chicken breasts Pathetic Puppy ate.

No.

Then it was the holes.

Not just any holes.

Holes dug through the ground and under the wall.

I had seen the holes earlier and thought it was the monsoon we experienced earlier in the day.

However, upon answering the door after it chimed, I knew otherwise.

There stood Dominican Daddy with Pathetic Puppy and the Jake-A-Like in hand.

It was clear at that moment that they found their escape.

I showed Dominican Daddy where the holes were and as we were discussing how to fix them, both those little fuckers used their new departure route, leaving the yard once more.

Oh, they were so proud of themselves.

So proud.  The looks on their faces!

"Look what we did, Mom!!!"

Yes.

Indeed.

Look what you did.

Papi finally got up to help me with the vermin and I thought that their destruction may have been done for the day.

That was of course until this morning when I got up to find they had eaten some of the cheese cloth one of my dear sweet friends so generously mailed me.

You can't find cheesecloth on this fucking North side of the country, because people are too poor to buy it.

They just use their hands to do the work.

I had used some of it yesterday to make some mango juice.  Worked great!

I even washed out the cheesecloth to reuse it once more to save them.  I don't want to ever be without them again!

But no, the puppies like cheesecloth too.

They didn't eat it all, but I noticed the opened package was gone and asked Papi if it was true, that the puppies wrecked that as well.

It's true.

I want to kill them.

I want to take them to the sea and let mother nature wash them away.

I want to make puppy stew.

They are demons from hell.

Demons who just gave me the sweetest little kisses that took away all my anger.

How do they do that?

How do they make me love them after I'm ready to drop them off at the doggy shelter?

Today, I'll be buying chicken wire to put in the ground to deter them from digging anymore.

Maybe get some baby locks for the cupboards.

Fuckers.

i refuse to give up because i have not tried all possible ways

donkey. you dog me.

Oh, The Donkey.

So many antics from one canine being.

She's healing up fine from both being spayed, and her little abnormal thumbs being removed, but it was time for a check up anyway.

The vet had told us he'd never seen anything like her before.

That she was a drama queen after her surgery and wouldn't move.

Well, you should have seen the drama in returning for a check up.

There she was, enjoying herself on our drive to Sosúa to see Dr. Bob.

Head hanging out the window, sometimes, trying desperately to get her head out MY window, which was troublesome, as I was the one driving.

I drive illegally now without any care in the world, but that still doesn't mean I want to go killing anyone on the road because The Donkey has chosen MY window to drool out of.

However, when we turned onto the rocky road that leads to the vet, all sense of 'fun' went out the window.

Quite literally.

Suddenly, she whimpered, both paws were out the back seat window, followed by her mammoth body.

I then saw her roll a few times on the ground and I wasn't sure if maybe, perhaps, I'd driven over her legs!

Good thing we were at the right place for broken legs if the problem arose!

I stopped the car in drive with the emergency brake on, not really realizing it, and jumped out to chase her as she was galloping back home.

On the main street.

Where we see at least one dead dog a day now.

Or cat.

Or horse.

But there she was, "Goin' home!  Nope!  You can't make me go back there!"

Fortunately for me, she loves me enough that when I call, she can't resist the cuddles and she came back, I snapped that leash on and in we went to Dr. Bob.

When I told him of her buffoonery and that he should check her body out for troubles, his reaction was not what I expected, "I'm so offended!  Why wouldn't you want to see me?" he asked her.

I almost asked him if he was from the west coast of Canada and upper U.S., where people seem to be personally offended at the change in weather, never mind someone speaking openly and honestly about their feelings.

Oh, don't get me off track on that one.  I'll be here all day bitching.

Back to The Donkey.

Last night, I brought in some small stairs for Sir Bark-A-Lot and Jake-a-Like, so that they could get up to the bed with ease.

Actually, they made it easier for ME to get into the bed too.

Turns out, they also made it easier for The Donkey at 5 a.m., when she decided to go against the rule and hop on top as well.

Both Papi and I looked at what was happening, then merely shrugged our shoulders and went back to sleep.

Well, TRIED to go back to sleep.

Have you ever tried sleeping with a donkey in the bed?

Then I was supposed to drive Our Fave's Mom and the Little Angel to the doctor at 8 a.m.

Needless to say, I am quite tired and am going back to sleep, even though I've driven people around after having had my coffee.

This time, The Donkey is on the floor.

With the other cretins who are too big for the bed.

I've informed all the children in the neighbourhood that I will not be around, because I'm going to be sleeping.

Still, it probably won't stop them from yelling at my gate.

It's yet ANOTHER day of fiesta in this country, where we can't keep up with all the 'days off' everyone gets.

No school for the kids and they'll be coming the the Hector-Brown Amusement Park for sure.

My earplugs are firmly placed in both ears.

life is a joy filled with delightful surprises

we all fall down ...

It was Papi's turn last night.

The pain of feeling he 'left G'ma behind' is taking it's toll.

Things like this usually happen when we grieve.

Grief tends to bring everything else boiling to the surface, granting us two options: 1) scrape the scum from atop, or 2) stir it back in and eat the filth once more.

I feel very grateful that I'm able to have a visit from the deceased Fuzzy Family member when they go.

It immediately releases my pain to see them so happy.

However, Papi doesn't have that luxury.

So he grieves.

True to any active addict/alcoholic, he needs to escape.

I have to make a choice; either live with him drinking alcohol and possibly killing himself, or live with him taking clonazepam and speaking with the junkie drawl.

I choose clonazepam.

At least he doesn't pass out into oblivion like when he's drinking.

Regardless, at this point in his life, he needs escape.

We decided that he would go home early to be with G'ma.

He was supposed to go for 10 days in August, but the need is too strong right now.

We're going to book his ticket as soon as we are able to so, I suppose in May.

I will be alone for a while.

A few months perhaps.

I have Our Fave's Mom and her security guard husband, the Housemaid, the Dominican Daddy and a couple of neighbours to watch over me, not to mention a handful of men whom I could call and they'd be here in a second to help.

They always tell me they would be here if anything happened.  Just call.

I have 2 guns, a machete and a bat.

I also have 2 dogs that would fight to the death to protect me.

3 more that would just run around barking.

Oh, who am I kidding.  Sir Bark-A-Lot would bite them.  I've seen him give a groomer a split lip worthy of stitches, because the dude wouldn't listen to us when we said, "Please muzzle him, he bites."

"Oh, no, that's ok," he laughed, looking at the small creature that couldn't possibly do any damage.

OK.

So, I have 3 that would fight.

I guess the Pathetic Puppy would get in there too.  She loves me.

And I suppose the Jake-a-Like would do his best.

Anyway, I'm going to be alone.

I'm going to have to ask people to take their holiday here.  Please come visit me if you can afford it?  Please come be my other human in the house.

I'll lend you a gun.

The big one.

I like the 9 mm.  She's the one I can handle and I'm not afraid to use her.

Papi might be gone for about 3 months.

He's worried about me.

I just want him to be ok.

I will do anything to have him well again, and if this helps ease his guilt, so be it.

I would do anything to see him the way he was before the motorcycle accident.

It changed both of us.

I guess I can't ask him to be the same person, just the same as I will never be that girl I was prior, but I can ask the angels to help him be well emotionally.

That's really all I want.

I would sacrifice all to have that for him.

All.

Including being alone in a dangerous country.

i stand firmly in my powerful, positive self-esteem

Gratitude List Day 2/10
1. I am grateful Papi is looking for a solution to relieve his guilt.
2. I am grateful I have people physically around me who would protect me.
3. I am grateful for the friends back home who support me, even when I fall.
4. I am grateful for Prozac.
5. I am grateful to wake to the world's best coffee every morning.
6. I am grateful to be feeling more like myself, and stronger.
7. I am grateful for the angels helping me when I need it.
8. I am grateful for the gift Our Fave's Mom gave us.  They have nothing, yet they gave us a gift to show their appreciation of us.
9. I am grateful to be living in a climate that eases my physical pain.
10. I am grateful I have things to be grateful for.

there's always an opportunity for a new beginning

He already came.

His spirit already appeared to show that he was well and loved us.

He still needs to do a little more cleaning, but give the guy a break!  He's only been able to clean himself for less than 2 days.

Point is, he already came, meowing in full force!!!!!

I went to the garden and placed my hands over his energy.

Then I plucked out all the damn weeds that were invading my happy soil for my veggies!!!!

Today, I will plant more.

Anyway, back to me.

I had a meltdown yesterday, in full force, scale 5, Hurricane Andréa.

It's difficult, because when Papi grieves, he needs to be alone.

When I grieve, I need to be held.

I don't get to have that option.  I have to be alone in my pain, because I don't have friends here I can just call up and say, "Can you come over and just let me lie on your shoulder while I cry?"

Instead, I hold the Jake-a-Like.

True to his doppelganger, The Galloping Gazelle, he is the world's best cuddler.

When I needed him to just let me hold him, he didn't move.  He allowed me to do what I needed.

I was grateful.

I realize that I've fallen.

My depression has left me without seeing anything of worth in my life.

I know this is a lie my mental illness whispers to me.

I know there is so much in life to be grateful for, but when you fall into the Pit of Doom, sometimes, it's really hard to get out.

My Friend of the Angels helped.  She sent energy, and the next day, I had someone who I had been searching for, find me.

I was at the hardware store, like I seem to be every day with one or more of the workers, and he appeared.

He could see the pain in my eyes.

He told me, that living in this country is all about learning, that I'll never stop learning while I'm here, and to be prepared for that work.

He also told me that I have to keep my heart open, even when the worst is happening.

I told him I understood, and that my philosophy has always been, that when you stop learning, you die.

This morning, I want to live.

I have plans in place today to start finding my strength again.

To try to dig myself out of the Pit of Doom.

To find paradise in my soul.

I stopped working on myself, when friends abandoned me back home, then I became so busy trying to care for all the workers who needed me.

I forgot about me.

I also forgot, that when you have a chemical imbalance, a mental illness, it never rests.

It's never really 'cured'.  It lies waiting.  Every once in a while, it tests the waters to see how much power it can pull from you.

If you have enough in place to fight it, it can't come in.

Let your guard down for a few days, and dammit, but you're fucked.

I'm fucked.

But I am beginning again today.

The visit from my sweet little departed soul to tell me he's happy will help me.

He's an angel now, and he will be my strength for my first steps today.

I'm doing 10 days of hard working gratitude.

I do my gratitude every night, but I need to step up my game.

All day long.

Writing it on the walls.

And here.

Will you join me with writing yours here?

It would really make me happy.

the more grateful i am, the more reasons i find to be grateful

GRATITUDE LIST, DAY 1/10
1. I am grateful for this blog to help me work through my emotions.
2. I am grateful for 'you' being here to support me, even when 'you' are anonymous.
3. I am grateful we now have a healthy bed to sleep in.
4. I am grateful for the hard work I did yesterday, washing laundry by hand.  I now have underwear.
5. I am grateful the heat heals my physical pain.
6. I am grateful I have friends who show me how much they love me.
7. I am grateful for friends who remind me, that if I ever left this planet, they'd be hurt.  I stay for their hearts sometimes.
8. I am grateful for people who stick with me, even when I'm at my worst.
9. I am grateful the angels brought me messages that all will be ok and that they are here.
10. I am grateful that the puppies make me laugh, to counter-balance when I want to kill them for destroying my underwear.

meant for pleasure

Papi set security 7 security cameras up.

He's my super-duper, DIY handyman.

As I write my blog, before the cameras, I would normally look out at the view of the ocean, as it truly is something to be in awe of.

However, lately, there is something much more entertaining to watch.

Old Ghost Face doesn't do too much when we're around, as she's terrified of humans.

She's getting better.

Especially with Papi.

Mi esposo is so loving with her and she really responds well to him.

But still, she's quite reserved when there are beings with 2 legs around.

So, as I tippity-tappity on my keyboard to write a good morning to you, I get to watch her play on camera.

She is prompted by the Jake-a-like to play, and play she does.

Then the others join in and there are tails wagging, hopping, prancing and a good old time to be had by all.

She thinks she has us fooled.

She thinks we only see her as the stoic old guard dog extraordinaire, who is teaching the youngsters how to protect their space.

Yet we can spy on her and see that she definitely is part of the Fuzzy Family, accepted with full hearts.

Today was her first morning eating inside.

She has been coming to the door at feeding time, only to retreat once we get close, but last night, Papi fed her within the doors.

She is making HUGE progress!

Our quest is pretty much accomplished.

We just wanted her to have her last legs of life in a happy place where she can feel trust and be loved.

Even if it's only a little, and we don't know how many months she'll be with us, we've accomplished what we've set out to do.

Our mission was to rescue this poor damaged creature and heal her soul, so that when her angel spirit leaves her body, it can do so knowing she was loved and taken care of.

The other hounds?  Jeeeeezus they're horrible puppies.

Horrible.

And yet, I love them so much.

Especially when new workers come in the yard and are afraid.

Another mission accomplished.

Be afraid!!!

Be VERY afraid!

Spread word that we have terrifying dogs!!!

Even though we all know they're just running up to give people love, I'm good with people thinking they're ferocious beasts.

Anyway, one would think that we have security cameras set up to watch out for bandidos.

I know otherwise.

Right now, I'm watching The Donkey contemplate going for a swim.

I'm keeping a close eye on the Pathetic Puppy, as she strolls around after somehow having gotten a hold of Papi's clonazepam and having a nip at the drugs.

How on earth is she still running around?  She should be sleeping and mellow!

But nooooooooo.

She's wagging, jumping on Old Ghost Face, standing on the patio table and looking for as much mischief as she can find.

As I said.

I know the real reason for the security cameras.

They're really just dog cams.

Meant for pleasure only.

Oh, and to see the workers pull up.

Here we go.

Holiday break is over and work mania begins.

i am very fortunate that the work i do is work i love to do

THE DONKEY!!!!

Well, it looks like I got the donkey I always wanted.

THIS IS THE DONKEY!!!!

And yes, I had to yell that and make it as big as possible, just to get the point across as to just how massive this girl already is.

Seriously.

She's only 4 months old.

I didn't realize Irish Wolfhounds are the tallest dogs on the planet.  I suppose I was confusing them with another dog.

I actually thought Papi was wrong.  Even though I saw him googling the shit out of our new Fuzzy Family member.

I guess reality is, I didn't want to really believe it, because I just wanted a rottweiler.

I don't see the rottweiler in her, except for her eyes and forehead.

But, here we have the tallest dog on the planet.

Imagine being a puppy with no training, and already being able to just grab things from the counter?!?!?!

I wanted a goats.  I heard they were a lot of trouble and non-stop destroying things.

I have the feeling I got my goat, donkey and guard dog all mixed in one.

Old Ghost Face likes her, which is great.  It's bringing her out of her shell.  She walks up and bumps noses with her tail straight in the air!

She runs from me, as she sees me as the human who cleans her wound, and that's not a good dynamic.  I'm sure that will change once I stop.

I could go on about how The Donkey is crying non-stop, because she doesn't realize this is home, but I feel the need to talk about how worried I am about those waves out there.

Our quote for the rocks was really high of course, being from the Housemaid, she probably tacked on a little for herself, which is why it was so expensive.

We're going to price compare for a few days and see what we come up with.

Regardless, no matter what we pay and who we get them from, we need them, or our property will be washed away.

I feel like something is going on out there.  They've been INSANE for the last week!!  A little scary.

I can see one day here or there where they're aggressive, but damn, they're seriously right up to our property and pounding our sandbags.

The wave angels are playing with our stress levels, that's for sure.

Irony would be building our safety wall, and having it smashed down by waves within a month.

That would be Murphy's Law to the extreme, however, it's not actually too far off.  It could happen.

Anyway, now I have to go stop the puppies from scaring The Donkey.

She's terrified of the smallest one, the Jake-A-Like.  Who wouldn't be afraid of a Dominican Chihuahua?

If I'm really lucky, today I will have the energy AND the time to exercise.

At least I'm getting my cardio chasing after puppies.

And now, The Donkey just peed on the balcony.

Jeeeeeezus.

Looks like we have a new pool.

everything works out for the higher good

even the waves can hear our sadness ...

I hope one of the 'taxis' will take us with a cat crate today.

They should.

They took a lady with her big basket of wares.

Besides, he's not very talkative right now, so he won't disturb anyone.

He has a fever.  He's so hot, and his mouth is so swollen that you can visibly see the infection growing in a short 2 days, never mind feel the bulge.

He just looks at me with eyes of pain.

His mouth hasn't stopped bleeding all weekend.

True to Murphy's Law, he got at his worst on the the days the vet isn't in.

What is that about?  Why do they always have to pick Saturday and Sunday to be at their worst?

Neither Papi or I slept all night worrying about how uncomfortable he was, not to mention, feeling the pang of unwarranted guilt because we can't do anything to help him.

I cried a few tears and stroked him, allowing him to head butt me like he loves to do, regardless of how much infection or blood got on my head or face.

It may be his day.

I'm so heartbroken, because he was supposed to kill more geckos and chase more butterflies and tear apart more cockroaches.

He was supposed to live the life of a Dominican cat.

He had a few good days, but the majority of his time here has been really miserable.

Feeling how hot his head was last night made my sorrow all the more pungent.

Then there was more death outside, by the hands of The Bastard Prince.

There was a dead mouse sitting on the patio furniture when I first got up.

However, there is no more.

The Pathetic Puppy, our new one eye, disappeared about the same time the dead mouse did.

Not too much later, she showed up licking her chops and there seems to be mouse intestines on the newly laid grass in front of my seat with an ocean view.

The reason I know it was The Bastard Prince who killed it initially, was because it was bigger than The Mrs.

She wouldn't take someone that big on.

But The Bastard Prince would.

Then there's the Jake-A-Like.

He's our fearless cockroach hunter.

Dominican animals really know how to take care of business.

Maybe our cats are bucking up because they see the competition.

That is of course, except for Psycho Kitty.

He's not moving too much, as he stays under the bed to feel sick all alone.

The vet had told us the reason he's not healing is because he's just too old to do so.  His body can't do it, and that if he doesn't get better on the heaviest duty drugs we just gave him, it's the end of the line.

I'm just so sad.

I want to bury him in the sand at the end of the pool, where we look out to the ocean.

I want to allow his little body to be the gate keeper of our home.

Forever our protector.

A space for us to think of him every day as we look out to the freedom he's soon to have.

I know I'm having troubles getting going today.  I've been up since 1 a.m. and Papi wasn't too far behind me.

I don't want to wake Papi up to say, "Ok my love, it's time to say goodbye."

That is just such a bad way to start a day.

It's a sad day, and even the waves seem to be lamenting in such a way that they feel my ebbing of happiness.

They seem slower today.

There are clouds in the sky.

The brightness of the Dominican morning is not as sweet as it has been most days.

with love, i listen to this inner conflict, and reflect on it until i find peace around it

let the chaos begin

The 2nd puppy has arrived!!

I'd love to take pictures of her, but damnit if Papi hasn't hidden the camera on the bandidos.

Or perhaps, me?  Always when I bring it out, I hear, "No, not right now."

Yes, Papi!  People want to see our chaos and I have more YouTube shows to make!!!

Anyway, she's going to be an ugly little girl, but that's the way we want her.  She's short one eye, has a huge scar on her head and an unattractive underbite.

We have NO idea what she's made of, only that she has black lab in there somewhere.

Man what a cutie though!!!  So damn sweet!

But I'll be lucky if this blog gets written within 4 hours.

You can call me Cinderella, because I'm mopping the floors more than I ever have in my life, and between mopping and running to the john, I'm a little short on time.

She's a good girl, but so little at only 8 weeks that she couldn't get off the bed last night and peed on it.  Which didn't upset me so much, considering we're getting rid of it.

But how grateful am I to have a 2nd one?!?  She won't be coming on this one that's for sure.

The humping has ceased for me since I showed my alpha, but not for Papi.  He just can't bring himself to do it.

Yet, there is no humping of the new puppy, because now SHE is humping the Jake-A-Like.

There is going to be so much puppy safing in the house.  The litter box is her favourite thing right now.

Not to mention, we can't let them run in the yard, because the fence is being built, so there's nothing to keep them in, so there's not much time to get her outside in time for accidents.

Wow, these people mean business!  I've never seen anything like it!

Here's the problem though; no fence = easy access for bandidos.

Our DR Family instructed us to get a guard.  More precisely, a body-guard.  The Dominican Daddy has a cousin that is about 10 feet tall and missing a few teeth.

He came and stayed outside on our hammock last night.  He looked like a scary amazon, but upon meeting him, he was really just a gentle giant.  However, being as massive as he is, nobody was going to mess with him.

Anyway, yesterday when I got up, I thought all the people who were here were actually here to work on the wall.  I realized in the afternoon that there were more spectators than workers.

Casa Paraíso drew a crowd.

When I brought the babies out for an attempt at potty training this morning ...

... excuse me for a moment while i go pry kitty-roca from the puppies mouth and move the litter box to a higher level ...

... the crowd was already starting to form.  It was 7am people!!!

I guess their roosters woke them and the decided to get front row seats.

... excuse me while i pry the puppy pee training pad out of BOTH of their mouths ...

It was still a little dark outside, which made me a bit nervous, so I didn't stick around long enough for them to get the poop out.

No matter.  They both found a nice spot on the floor in the kitchen to take care of business.

Both puppies are having so much fun, and I'm so grateful.

So is Sir Bark-A-Lot.  He's not so cool with the new arrangement.  He's looking a bit like Cujo these days.

The good news is I'm eating, because I decided there's no point trying to stop the nastiness, and starving wasn't working.  So now I have energy to run to the can.

More good new is I found my Prozac.  No need to worry about Hurricane Andréa showing up anymore.

The best good news is our stove is fixed!!!  We now have 4 burners, as opposed to one that we had to light with a match.  They all work with the flick of a switch.

Tonight I'm going to make a meal for Papi and I.

Probably only pasta with meat sauce again, considering we haven't found much more in terms of ingredients to cook with.  We'll have to go into the big city to find more staples.

Besides, we don't really have time to investigate food, because there's always so much more to do.

Like fix a flat on a tire.  That was nice for Papi to have to deal with yesterday.

Now I know why there's a tire store on every corner instead of Starbuck's.

all the things i want and need come to me

Reality Show Super-Fail!

So, I'm new to this YouTube world.

I uploaded one movie of The Golden and it worked well, so I thought I'd be in clear sailing to try my hand at finishing my amateur Reality Show and throwing it up on to the web for you.

Of course, being a perfectionist, I wanted it to be the best!  HD baby!!

That's why I got this fancy computer!  So I could make these amateur shows!  Why wouldn't I want them to be PERFECT?!?!?

It took 2 hours to download to my harddrive, so I thought, well, we'll be at about that for the upload to YouTube.

The next morning I got to work uploading and realized, this may take more than 2 hours.

All day long I checked it and it was at a snail's pace.  It felt like watching water boil.

I started at 9am in the morning, and when it was 'done' uploading it was 10:30pm.

I was ecstatic!  I was going to be able to show you my first amateur show!

Then it told me it had to process.

I waited and waited.

Then it told me it was taking longer than expected and that it was in queue.

Then, the moment it was done processing, it was like there was confetti in the room!  So exciting!

Only to be squashed a second later by the YouTube Yankees telling me it was too long and that if I wanted to upload a long movie, I would have to give them my phone number.

That sounds like extortion to me!

But I did it anyway, because I want so badly to put it up.  Kinda like how we just found out yesterday, that we'd been taken by the DR Family, in that they told us we needed to pay off the authorities to bribe them to let us put up a wall.

We wanted our security wall so badly, we did it.  Now we're going to be a little more leery.  Fuckers.  They got us.

Anyway, I found out from someone a little later on Facebook, that the reason the clip took all day was because it was in HD.

I had to dumb it down a bit.  Last night I downloaded it on to my harddrive in mv4.  Lo and behold, it took minutes, not hours.

Then as soon as I was able to get off the toilet and get more water and lime into my ailing stomach that just isn't letting up, I decided to upload and see what happened.

It's only been an hour and it's already at 30%.  I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up that I might have this down!

So, I'm waiting patiently, and if it doesn't work, I'll chop it into the 15 minutes necessary to please the YouTube Yankees.

In the meantime, I'm warding off the new chihuahua puppy who's nickname was donned to him last night.

Jake-a-Like.

He's very similar looking to The Galloping Gazelle, but orange and even more of a puppy.

Well, he's been sooooooo sick and we've been giving him medicine since yesterday and he's starting to feel better.

Better enough that he's decided that he'd like to hump my arm.

At first, I thought he was just trying to get a better grip in order to get more traction to puncture my skin with his tiny razor blade teeth.

Then it came.

The hump.

In my full dog training alpha mode, I had to make sure he understood that I am not to be humped, but to be obeyed.

I hate that part of having a puppy.  I just want it to be all rainbows and sunny skies, giggles and whisker tickles.

Instead, I'm feeling like Sir Bark-a-Lot, in that he has had to pin the little guy down a FEW times now to show him who's boss.

Well, tomorrow, we pick up another puppy.  This will give him something to hump, bite and dominate.

And perhaps, a little more chaos?

i attempt all - not only 'some' - possible ways to get unstuck