clearing things up.

So, yesterday, I was really hurried in my writing and was also on a hefty dose of pain killers first thing in the morning and I created a bit of a wave in TransLand.

I believe the combination was a bad mix, and I unintentionally hurt people by my words.

I hope to clear things up for you with the 3 topics that have been brought up on my Facebook page both publicly and in private messages.

topic #1

I was speaking about how I am attracted to butches, but that I see I am also attracted to trans guys.

I am not attracted to bio-males, where as some women and men are.

We are all different, and I brought up my baby sister, when first faced with my coming out of the closet, was trying to learn from me.

I used my past of dating only butches to segue to the present and people thought I was saying my love is a butch.

My love is no longer a butch, and I'm still as attracted to him as I was the day I married that butch.

Presently, I am seeing that I am attracted to people with multi-leveled energies, like my love.  I am attracted to the beauty in people's vast differences in being.

topic #2

When I said 'people ... blah blah fucking blah ... freaks', I was really talking about the zealots who like to picket our lives with their signs of Jesus burned to a crisp on a cross at our Pride Parade in the great U S of A.

'They' call gays and lesbian freaks.  'They' call trans people freaks.  'They' call me a freak because I'm attracted to butches, and trans guys.

They can fuck off, because from what I've seen at Gender Odyssey, there's a whole lot of love and acceptance in this world, and their hatred will soon be squashed by the love the world has.

Really, all I wanted to say was, I'm in that boat with all the people I fit in with.  We're all in this together, and it has nothing to do with what anyone else sees us as.

For instance, I am not a 'straight' woman, but I'm seen as such.  Papi is not a woman, and he is not seen as such, luckly for him.

He is seen as the male he has always felt was there, and I'm attracted to my love, but I was afraid I wouldn't be.

I found attraction for another person who carried that energy.  A male being who had a spark of different energy from another part of him.

That made me feel so good, that I could recognize this, and I tried to write about it.

Not everyone would be attracted to the same people I am and I do not think that everyone who is trans has both energies.

I am at peace with my queerness, and see the pattern in my life where, in THE PAST I've had so much attraction for trans guys when they were a 'butch'.

There is no malice meant from my post yesterday, but there were feelings that I had insulted people, because I didn't see others as the beings they are, which is incorrect. 

topic #3

Now.  About the 'tranny' word.  I will continue to stick to my guns and call dykes, fags and trannies as such in a general way, as long as they don't want to be personally called that.

Papi likes to be called that.  The dudes I met at Gender Odyssy like to be called that.

Some people don't and I would never call them that, yet still, as general blabbing here on my blog, I am not using the word in a derogative manner, but more like I would use dyke or fag.

We have taken back dyke and fag, and we use it with adoration and pride.  Why the hell can't tranny be taken back and used for strength?!

I'm not spitting venom when I use the word, and I use it pretty much the same as I would use dyke or fag.

new business/bonus topic #4

Perhaps I shouldn't write my blog in a hurry on pain killers?

I hope I cleared things up from yesterday, and if not and you're still pissed at me, well, as much as I love you stopping by, all I can say is, you are the one making the choice to be here reading.

today's daily mantra comes from my gratitude buddy:

mastakes teach you important lessons.  every time you make one, you are one step closer to your goal.

Gender Odyssey!

I'm at Gender Odyssey!

Remember last year, when I was supposed to go, but performing put me on a stretcher to the hospital instead?

Well, here's a little bit of irony for ya.

They couldn't give me a refund, so I had to put the money toward the following year instead.  So, I decided I would go.

My Person and I packed up our stuff and left our trans loves behind to celebrate Vancouver's Pride Weekend without us.

Now, in retrospect, I see that perhaps I should have just swallowed the ticket price, because my dearest Papi is home sweating through the tough process of bartering and bargaining for the house sale.

Anyway, here I am in Seattle.

I made it here.

About half way through the ride down, my bitch of a back decided to go into a fit and is in full seize.

Now, here I lie in the hotel room, doing the pain killer nod and realizing I'm yet again stuck flat out on my back.

We went for our sign in anyway, and as I hobbled and limped about, I had a chance to see so many people who have so much love for this conference.

Inclusion everywhere.

There is a beautiful air of comfort, knowing there's so many more people out there who understand one another.

Absolutely amazing.

My favourite was sharing a shuttle and an elevator with a family, whom of which, one, or possibly both, of their children is transgender.

We couldn't figure out their story, because we haven't seen them speak yet, but to me, being in their presence was amazing.  A family who loves their children enough to allow them a space to be who they feel they are in their soul.

I proudly placed my little identification 'happy faces' on my name tag.

A yellow 'happy face' sticker is for 1st time attendees, and an orange one is for friends, significant others, family and any other ally I've missed.

However, I haven't had a chance to use the damn pass, because I'm stuck lying here on the queen size bed in this hotel room.

Nice enough place, let me tell you, I recommend them 100%!

Here!  Check them out!

Anyway, as I write this, Papi is on the phone, wheeling and dealing with selling the house.

I am half in and half out of nodsville.

Not to mention, My Person has passed out from too much driving and we both had insomnia last night.

I look forward to giving you an update on the different workshops that I'm hopefully going to make it to tomorrow.

I won't be doing my usual coffee blog, but that's ok!

I'm doing it now and will give you an update tomorrow evening when I have more to talk about with this amazing conference.

Oh.

I realized something.

I saw many handsome trans guys during very the small amount of time we were hanging out in TransLand.

What I realized is, I'm 100% a Tranny Chaser.

I am attracted to trans guys.

And damn if I ain't lucky enough to be married to one of the hottest ones out there.

every day i learn more about myself, and open myself to even more self-exploration

The Case of the Vagina

So, here's a good day in TransLand for you.

Remember when Papi was so sick for 3, almost 4 months?!?!

Yeah. 

That hysterectomy really did a number on my love. 

This meant many tests to find out just what was going on there.

Off we went to emergency, clinics, our own GP etc.  Every time, my dear sweet love would go through tremendous stress to have to deal with these personal invasions.

Well, we got a bill in the mail from our BC Medical Services Plan.

They wanted to charge us for one of the tests.

We have benefits.

This is Canada.

Yet they wanted us to pay?

There had to be some kind of problem.

As we looked a little closer we found the issue.

When they removed my love's uterus, they left the vaginal wall where it should be.

No surprises.

Point is, my love has a vagina.

The problem for the health system, was that they had a 'male' identified person going in for a test who needed a vaginal culture.

If you look below the 'total' we were expected to pay, you'll see the details.

"Your gender registered at MSP is incorrect."

Can you imagine the person who received the details of the individual for this test?

A male identified person with a vagina?

How utterly confusing for someone who has no idea about the transgender experience.

But how absolutely hilarious for us.

I think Papi and I giggled for a good hour about this one.

Your gender registered at MSP is incorrect?

Interesting.

So nice that one person in our health care system is able to make that judgement without having any idea about medicine whatsoever.

Stick to your day job creep.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, I did indeed write a lovely fuck you email to the skank who thought it was appropriate to laugh at someone in a wheelchair with a brain injury.

Then I blocked her and anyone else who is on my friends list that could allow the scum of the earth to see my Facebook page and laugh at someone for their misfortunes.

i attract good into my life

Papirazzi!

I don't really have much time for a long drawn out conversation about my brain that thinks a little differently than most.

All I really have time for, is to give you a link for Papi's pics in TransLand.  I sorta slept in hehehe ...

There is some nudity, but if you've been honest about your 'wish to continue' click before you got to this blob/blab, then you're fine for taking a look at the pics.

If you're a sneaky underage person, well, guess you'll be learning what an F-M looks like.

Personally, I think that's more than ok.

But I'm not everyone's mother now, am I?

i'm pretty sure i just heard a sigh of relief from someone out there!?!?

Papirazzi!!

Right HERE!

At the very right, you'll see a tab for 'more'.  From that drop down menu, there you will see 'transitioning' with the nudity warning.

Enjoy my love in his birthday suit.

Oh, that and the thigh hair I'm always going on about.

i am attracting powerfully positive people into my life

Mi esposo es muy guapo.

Yeah, I thought I'd start out this first day of 2012 with sleep deprivation, because I was too lazy to get up to the drug store and refill my nerve pills, hence there was no sleep for this mangled body last night.


Honestly, I'm good with my title of 'Most Crazed Woman of Canada' as long as I get to stay in my pajamas.

Perhaps there is an inkling of a day to be had?  Perhaps it's a double coffee day?




Even if this day doesn't turn into much, I'm pretty grateful I don't have to be anywhere in this condition.

Speaking of gratitude, I received 2 great gifts for my New Year.

One was the gift of more gratitude.

Now, I'm not going to bore you with happy, positive thinking, so don't get your panties in a wad.

It's just that it was a strange phenomenon!  When I wrote the last gratitude entry to My Gratitude Buddy, I felt it was unfinished.  I almost felt like I should keep going for a little while longer, because it has done me good.

Well, what happened was, when I received My Gratitude Buddy's last return, she asked if I was into going on for a few more weeks.

there is still time to join in, oh ye non-believer of gratitude's magic ...
 
But, there is still the best New Year's gift yet.

I had a wild moment in TransLand last night!

My sweet Papi is still not feeling so well.  Who knew that a hysterectomy could wreak such havoc on a body!?!?

After 3 post surgery infections, complete with 3 emergency room visits, and the cherry on top of 3 rounds of antibiotics, my love's system has had to start from scratch and reboot.

So.

Papi is not well, to say the least.

However, the good news is, my love may get on a healthy food regime by no force of my own!

mwahahahaha!!!!!!  my positive thinking of health has made it's way to papiland!!!!!!

Anyway, that has nothing to do with my TransLand moment.  I just thought I'd throw that in there so you could have a lovely mental picture of why there haven't been any Tranny Terrorist exhibitions as of late.

Ok.  I'll get to the point now.

The point is, that even though mi esposo was not feeling so well, he's still handsome.

The moment when I saw the handsome Papi, I couldn't stop staring at my love.

Someone had seen Papi's picture change on Facebook the other day, and almost wrote, "Who's this dude?"

Everyone else gets to see the changes from week to week.  I only get day to day, so Papi doesn't really change for me.

It's too slow and gradual.

Yet still, I saw my handsome husband for a moment.

It wasn't my husbutch.

It was actually a husband.

And as Papi toddled off for another visit to the porcelain gods, my mind reverted back to mi esposo.

I don't really care which way my mind chooses to see Papi.  Point is, mi esposo es muy guapo.

Happy New Year Papi.

2012 is the year of Dominican Republic preparation!!!

Ready, set, GO!!!