a raindrop in the ocean

Tomorrow is save the puppies day.

So many dogs here are wild, and the ones that have a family generally aren't spayed and neutered.

This means, many puppies.

Here, people think the only solution is to drop them off in the wilderness, allowing them to die.

Sometimes, they're nicer and kill the puppies quickly so they don't suffer by starvation.

Well, one of the people we have painting Casa Paraíso has 5 puppies.

We can't take one of them, as we have already agreed to take one that is currently in another dog's womb.

Taking one more would put us over the edge with insanity.

6 Bathroom Buddies are enough.

Seriously.

Anyway, when our great painter/Spanish tutor came to work at the house today, he said he and his cousin were going to bring the dogs into the wilderness to let them die, because they can't keep them.

I begged them, "Please, don't do this today.  Tomorrow I will bring them to the AAAS and surrender them."  I explained he'd have to surrender the mother as well for the babies' sakes.

He agreed to the terms.

I know full well that even though I can't do this with every single cat and dog in the country, at least I can do it for one litter.

Sometimes, I just can't handle all this.

The other day, I was frantic when I saw a girl throw a dog into the water with all her force.

I'm not talking play.  I mean it looked like Serena Williams serving in a tennis match.

The rip tide here on our side of the island can drown a human, never mind a small size dog.

Didn't matter to her.

Every time the dog would run back out of the waves, she would pick her up (usually by the collar, choking it) and with every bit of her strength, she would throw it into the ocean one more time.

The dog would eventually surface, gasping for air, ears back and whites of her eyes showing.

This is how she was 'washing' her dog.

I expected her to stop after the 2nd time, but upon the 3rd, I ran to her, screaming in my broken Spanish, "Please stop!  Look at your dog!  She's shaking because she's afraid to drown!  You will kill your dog!"

Then to add an empty threat to the monologue, hoping she wouldn't take me up on it, I added, "If you don't want that dog, I'll take her.  She needs love.  You're going to kill her."

The girl simply apologized to me as if it was only a matter of my problem being sensitive, not having any regard for the animal and what she was doing to it.

Everyone else who watched her do this thought it was normal.

They laughed at me and my panic.

This is one of the hardest things about living here in the Dominican Republic.

The lack of respect for animals.

Then there's road kill.

There are no predators here, so when there's a dead dog at the side of the road, it sits in the sun until it rots.

You see road kill at least once every 2 days.

Then?

You see the remains for a good week after, and being that there is only one road you can travel, you are forced to see it time and again.

The last remains we saw were there for so long that after a while it was completely unrecognizable as a dog.

How does an animal lover get past this?

You don't, I guess.

I suppose all I can do is bring those 5 adorable puppies in and surrender them and the mother, in hopes that they will all keep their lives and find a family.

Tomorrow, we save 5 puppies and a mother.

It's like a rain drop in the ocean compared to all the other that are dying.

i accept what i can not change

Silence.

The World's Loudest Snorer has been silenced.

Rest in peace.

Papi and I will miss your visits.

She would get so excited when she saw me, that she would pee every time.  My friends really appreciated that.  Especially when it was all over their living room floor.

She appreciated her step brother dogs so much that she also peed in The Golden's bed.

She's one of the few that Sir Bark-A-Lot actually allowed in his space.

G'ma loved her so much, that when I told her last night, she started to cry.

I've never had so much fun going pee.  There wasn't much leg room to sit.  This was me peeing standing up.

You were a really good Bathroom Buddy, none-the-less.

I'm so heartbroken, my little bed hog.

There is a place reserved for you, here in our hearts.  Our strong hearts will beat for yours that couldn't hold you through this life.

Papi and I will never stop missing you.

And I will never forget the lemon cake you indulged in before any of us humans got to it.

I'm so at loss.

Please give love to my Dearly Departed Gypsy, and Mr. Moustache.

I hate crying.

I don't want you to go.

if you want to feel rich, count the many things you have that money can't buy

The Epic Moment has come!!

So, I was going to just point you to my article today and say here ya go: Today's Blob/Blab.

However, I had something I really felt I had to share about the epic moment.

I'm not actually referring to how this article is my first publication ever.

that you were here to witness mwuah!

I'm also not touching on the mushy love notes that friends are leaving on my Facebook page, and the delightful comments on the Xtra! page.

I'm certainly not going to bore you with how proud I am of myself, and how exciting it is to be embarking on a new adventure in creativity.

The epic moment has absolutely nothing to do with my first-ever published article.

It's about Papi.

i mean c'mon. it's all about papi really, right?

Anyway, I knew the day would come when I'd hear the words that could only feel whole if accompanied by an air fist pump.

 I just didn't know it would be so soon!

You see, my love has been diligently working his aim.

I bought mi esposo some handy dandy earth friendly wipes ...

... that have awesome words worth reading on the back.

They were there for Papi in case there was some troubles with penis practise.

Well, yesterday my love took the usual stroll down our narrow hallway/catwalk for a Bathroom Buddy visit.

Papi has been very respectful of my recent phobia unleashing it's Pit of Doom, and has been good about closing the bathroom door to be sure I don't get any unwanted Plastic Penis ogling.

I heard the door slide shut and then the loud stream, that by all laws of physics, creates an echo because of the depth of distance between stream and toilet water.

did i mention that it's loud?

So, there I was doing something in the kitchen ...

... i'm there 3/4 of the day really ... when am i not in there making wheat free, dairy free, alternatively sweetened, organic food?

... when I heard it!

"YES!!"

Papi followed this up with, "I didn't spray on the toilet or the floor and the seat was already up!"

It was mi esposo's shining moment.

So, yeah.

I had to share that instead of just pointing you to my first article published.

Well, if I'm being totally honest, I was also going to point you to an event tonight that is free and internet wide.

I have a project called Bluelight and we're performing live on air tonight.

Please join us wherever you are via live streaming at 7:00pm Pacific Time.

Ok.

So, that's everything I was going to tell you.

Now I'm going to go bask in the rays of pride.

Practise makes perfect.

Papi said, "Can I talk to you about my PeeCocks?"

Fortunately, I had had enough pain killers to just slide through this one with ease.

"Sure," I said, while thinking of worst case scenario that this could be about.

perhaps one that gets sewn on to papi's body?

It really wasn't all that bad though.

It was just my love comparing the difference between the two.

"Well, one is easier to use, but the other one I like more."

I thought there must be a reason that the easy one is not good enough for my love, so I asked, "Well, what could make the other one as good as the easy one?"

My love answered, "Well, the other one looks better than the easy one.  I don't want to be going into the men's washroom and pulling out a small dink."

There it was!

My love has confirmed my suspicion.

Ego.

To be honest, I wouldn't want to stroll in there and whip out some itty bitty dinky.

I understand.

So, it's back to practising for Papi.

I'm so curious about how much little boys sprayed pee all over the bathroom when they practised for the first while.

How long did it take to perfect how to aim and not spam the toilet with golden showers?

Was it a few months?  YEARS?!?!

My love is practising, but there is certainly a lot of talk about how much went on the floor, how much went on the toilet seat and how much went down mi esposo's legs.

So then I asked Papi, "Why don't you lift the toilet seat up?"

Seems there's enough chatter about leaving toilet seats up in other mens' relationships!

"Ew!  No!  I don't want to touch that!"

"But I just cleaned it!" I answered with indignance.

evidence is here ... on day 4 of a seized back!

Still wasn't good enough for Papi.

So, now every time I go into the washroom to be kept in the company of Bathroom Buddies, I know I'm sitting on urine that has merely been wiped off the seat.

Not cleaned off the seat, just mushed around until it seems there is no appearance of the culprit.

So, then my love went on to say, "I never knew there was actually a flusher on the urinals in men's washrooms."

thank you for my lesson of the day papi

No, I didn't know there was a flusher, so I definitely know more about mens' washrooms.

I'm not one of those who would forfeit a line in a women's washroom to jump into the men's with ease.

The only time I've done that is when I'm filled to the gills with alcohol and don't know any better.

However, being the seasoned drunk I used to be, my mission was to get in and get out as fast as possible to get back to my beer.  Hence, I really don't know what goes on in there.

Other than the pocket camera porn I saw once of a guy jacking off in the bathroom mirror.

Anyway, I think there may be a new cleaner in the bathroom.

One just for the toilet seat.

I'll go looking for an un-toxic, earth friendly cleaning sheet.  I'm sure there has to be one out there like the heavily toxic Lysol ones that exist.

If my love is going to sprinkle when he tinkles, he's going to need to clean that puppy off for me.

That will be the new 'rule' in the house.

One thing that I'm truly grateful for, is my love closes the bathroom door for privacy of the penis.

This pleases me.

I'm still needing a bit of work around my phobia ...

... a bit ... yeah ... that's right ...

... and Papi is being very respectful and hiding that new addition to our family.

I'm getting there.

Talking about Plastic Penes is probably a good start.

Laughing about it is going to heal me faster.

But what would make me even happier would be my love taking over being the bathroom janitor and scrubbing the christened floor, seat and wherever else he may be aiming.

Gratitude comes in strange packages.

Lordy when life hits ya, it hits ya good I'll tell ya.

My brain is being pushed to the limits right now.

I haven't had a penny come in for over 6 weeks now, and I don't qualify for anything.

I just called to request an advocate for People With Disabilities.

I can't fight alone anymore, and one of Papi's friends at work recommended one of the best, so we'll see how this turns out.

I don't qualify for Employment Insurance, because I'm short 20 hours.

I don't qualify for Social Assistance, because I'm living with a spouse and have assets.

which i've already put into lists of what will be sold first to get food.

I don't qualify for Long Term Disability, because I used it all up trying to get back to work.

I am slipping through the cracks of some strange system and dammit, I'm fucking scared.

When I called, I did get 2 suggestions that should help matters.

I was recommended to go to the Food Bank instead of using my credit cards for groceries.

Perfect timing, because the credit cards are maxed and I have no wiggle room there.  However, I have to admit, it feels a little humiliating.

ok murphy, don't be throwing us anything that we can't handle financially right now please.  we've got enough.

It was also recommended that I start going to a support group for people with Brain Injury, because I'm so frustrated about the fact that I can't process what to do next.

Yeah.

I'm scared.

So, at this point in time, I'm pretty fucking grateful.

I'm grateful that I don't have to deal with pain on top of it all.  I am so damn happy with the results of the Medicinal Cannabis I can't even tell you.

Yesterday was a particularly painful day, and I still managed to get shit done with the help of the new pain meds.

I'm grateful that I have Papi's male transformation to think about instead of money.

My love always gives me something to think about rather than fret over the fact that I'm now eating the reserves in my kitchen.

Take yesterday as an example.

I was sitting on the loo with one less Bathroom Buddy ... 

The World's Loudest Snorer went home ... i may just go kidnap her back ...

... and it hit me!

I'm changing my behaviour around female stuff in the house.

I'm actually feeling self-conscious about tampons hanging about the bathroom.

I don't know why, but it's actually starting to feel like a male is in the house.

I think I'm beginning to see that stranger I was so afraid to see.  I'm seeing the person I didn't know would be in my life.

You know?  The horrible vision I saw of the person that was replacing 'my butch'?

Well, Papi is not the scary monster my mind told me he would be.

I still have the person I married, but it's just different.

For example, the feeling that there is now a male in my life.

It's weird, wacky and way out there!

I can't even begin to tell you when the switch came, but there was a slow gradual creeping of it and has left me wondering a few things.

Is Papi an illusionist and that's why I'm seeing my love differently?  Or perhaps I've actually lost my mind from being on pharmaceuticals for three years?  Or maybe I'm just on some strange trip from pain killers and I don't even know it.

Ya?

No.

All that's going on here is I'm sensing a shift in the house and it's pretty fucking bizarre.

See!

I've stopped worrying about money!

How lucky am I?

But I also know that everything works out.

Everything.

I've made it this far in life and I'm not going to be left behind now.

There's another girl in our bed ...

Sorry I haven't written for a few days.  We've been a bit distracted in the house.

For the past 2 nights, we've had a visitor sleeping over.

It's not The Yank, our honorary room mate.

No, this one has been sleeping in bed with Papi and I, and our king size bed no longer seems to have room.

She's a bit of a space hog and sprawls herself under the covers with us.

The first night she stayed it wasn't so bad, because Papi and The Golden were at work, so it was ok to starfish around her and find my space.

The 2nd night however, it was The World's Loudest Snorer, The Golden, Sir Bark-A-Lot and The Bastard Prince all up in the bed.

Oh, you know what I forgot mention?

Papi and I are supposed to be sleeping in that bed too.

Right.

We're all going to fit in this bed.

The Mrs. was the only intelligent animal and stayed in the living room, where she had all the space she could ask for.

As much as I had no sleep last night, The World's Loudest Snorer is a doll to have around.  I love her!

I adore her strong personality.  I also adore the drama queen posing she does for the camera.

I mean really.

This:

is the rest of the clan posing.

This:

... is The World's Loudest Snorer's posing.

You can see why I'd adore her.

I really thought by tucking her in to her own couch, with a pillow and a teddy skunk, she'd just want to stay there and live a lap of luxury.

I was wrong.

As soon as we got settled, she hopped up into the bed and started pushing Papi over to my side of the bed, until eventually, I was forced out.

She's only here for a few days and it's been so much fun having a bundle of strength as my bathroom buddy.

I will never have to fear being lonely on the loo.

Honestly, does it really look like all those animals could fit on a kingsize bed with 2 people and another cat who thinks he's a dog?

Nope.

Not to me either.

That's why right now I'm writing to you from the La-Z-Boy, and it's almost 6 a.m. and I haven't slept yet.

Of course, I'll have to edit this tomorrow after I upload pictures as well, so it will be a little neater than this disarry I'm currently staring at.

**update ... i made it through the day ... though my brain hasn't quite caught up to me ... i'll be back soon with my usual musings **


The bedroom door will be closed tonight to ensure sleep happens.

I will find my mind tomorrow.