I had a morning routine before the accident. It was a routine that i would do to get my day going without really thinking about it. It was a way to wake up because i’m not a morning person.

After the accident the routine was lost. I couldn’t do the things i did before, even if i could remember what they were. The foods i ate weren’t working with the pain meds i was taking. I spent a year getting out of bed and not really knowing what i would do. I would literally stagger around the house and think to myself, “What should i do now?”

I had to find a food first. I finally found it. I also had to let go of trying to quit coffee. I need it. So my morning routine is this:

I make 2 eggs (broken yoke, cooked hard) with goat cheese on top. A fruit or vegetable (sometimes i have veggies steamed in advance to just serve in the morning). A cup of coffee and the computer.

I’m trying to wean myself off the computer as it has been a staple in my life because of not really being able to move or get out to be social. So now, i get on during my morning routine and get back off and get to the gym to do my physio. Not this week however…i’m actually having a really bad back week, so i’m stuck on the couch…but it has been part of my routine to get to the gym.

Then i come home and play 10 - 15 minutes on my bass guitar. Or more if i can! If i can i do other things too. But just as long as i can get my 3 things done: breakfast, gym and bass, then i know i’ve done my morning routine.

When you lead a normal life, you’d look at this and say, “Well…what’s the big deal? We all have a routine.” But i’ll tell you. It took a year to figure out what my morning was going to look like.

Until you’ve had brain injury, you would never understand it. I met another of ‘our people’ yesterday. My brain injured people. She had brain injury 3 years ago and completely understands everything i’m talking about. You can just say a couple of words with ‘our people’ and they know how you’re going to finish your sentence. We’ve been there.

There’s not enough information about surviving it. There’s not enough talk. There’s not enough support. It’s like all of us with the problem bumble around until we bump into ‘our people’. Then we bumble off and go survive amongst the others. I’ve had an amazing journey of meeting ‘our people’, but i need more.

The problem is, when i think of trying to start some kind of support network, i forget what i was trying to do! Off i go…wandering around saying, “Ok…what should i do now?”

I hope that whomever is reading this never has to understand. And if you do, i hope you find more of ‘our people’ and get better fast. There really is no fast healing when it comes to brain injury. You can only work hard and let the brain do it’s thing. You have no control.

But at least now, while i’m waiting for it to heal in it’s own time, i have a morning routine. So…now i’ve finished my computer time. I would normally go to the gym, but right now i’m going to…ummm…i don’t know what i’m going to do, because i’m too injured to go to the gym. Goddamit.

What should i do now?