Tuesday, December 20, 2011

You have homework.

Phew!  I'm glad that day's over.

One thing I can always count on, is after a sleep, the next day has promise.  Well, most of the time that is.

Anyway, we have kitty food cash.

We also have amazing friends who asked if they could help, however, my dear Papi is too proud, and gets terribly mad at me when I share about financial problems.

i can already hear the pending, 'HONEY!!' as i write this ...

I suppose growing up on the West Side of Vancouver, and having everything you ever needed would create this attitude.

Yet, I grew up with a single mom of 2 girls.  There were many a time, when my mom would be crying because she didn't have enough money.

Well, this also had me reflecting on my years' past 'special seasons' and how I didn't deal with them very well.

When I was a kid, my mom booted out my drug dealing sperm donor, because he brought around all kinds of undesireables.

were they the ones who assaulted me?

This made for difficult times, especially at Xmas, because they'd fight whenever the children exchange would happen.

Not that my father asked to see us much.  He was pretty vacant.  Literally.

But every year, and every Xmas, there would be harsh words and terrifying fights between just about every family member.

This was followed by me 'disappearing' from it all.  I would remain silent and invisible, hoping I could just fade away.  I believe this is part of the reason for my anorexia every Xmas.

Every single year, whenever those little mandarin oranges would arrive, I would exist only on the aforementioned.

I would whittle away, try desperately to vanish, or die like Karen Carpenter did.  In a sick way, she was my hero.  She made it out of this life, and she wasn't forced to see my extended family, stress, fighting and tears.

Oh, we'd all behave while G'pa was cutting the turkey, ham or roast, but after dinner, the alcohol would kick in and the fur would start flying.

Even when I got older, the anorexia still came a knockin' at Xmas, but it was coupled with an attempt to evade these Xmas dinners from hell.

As a young adult, I would lie to my family and tell them I'd gone out of town for the season.  I'm sure they wouldn't believe me, but I did my best to make it seem true.


I didn't know I had it all those years until I was diagnosed with it after my motorcycle accident.

I'm a walking vessel of anxiety.  It's just the way my brain was woven.

So, when the shit hit the fan yesterday, my PTSD kicked in and worst case scenario was my obsession.

Deep down, I know that everything will work out, because it always does.

So, 'you', my imaginary friend will have to deal with my gratitude list of positive thinking for the next 2 weeks.

If you're having a hard time, would you join me?  Would you write your gratitude in my comments box?  It will do us a whackload of good.

I'll start.

I'm grateful that I have enough food to last a good few weeks.

I'm grateful that I have a loving home to live in.

I'm grateful that I have a devoted spouse who allows me my feelings.

I'm grateful for the world's most loving, amazing friends.

I'm grateful for my musical talent.

I'm grateful for the pain killers that helped me clean my house, and now are helping me live through the pain of cleaning my house.

I'm grateful that I can walk.

Your turn:


  1. I am grateful that my parents are still alive at a very advanced age.
    I am grateful that I have a loving partner who has looked out for me for 25 years
    I am grateful that my partner puts up with me being a complete slob when I don't have pain meds ha ha
    I am grateful that I am still alive
    I am grateful that the best cat ever owns me
    And I am grateful for what I have in life, and that even though I complain a lot I live in peace most of the time.

  2. thank you stell ... i'm grateful for another gratitude buddy

  3. Laughs and I'm grateful that you posted this, it will be good for all of us, others will come

  4. i hope so ... it really can put things into perspective ...

  5. I am grateful for the internet because i have found friends in it ♥

    I am grateful for where i live most of the time because i am fed and taken care of.

    I am grateful for google, blogspot and G+

    I am grateful for my room mate she is quiet, also for some of the other people who live here. And some of the people who work here.

    I am grateful for sunshine ♥

  6. i'm grateful for the internet giving me friends as well alex ... it's how i met you xo

  7. I am grateful I am alive, I can love and be loved.

    I am grateful I met you and got to know you and Papi, albeit virtually.

    I am grateful I can do this: BIG BIG WARM HUG for you A. Love yah! <3

  8. psycho, you know i'm grateful for your friendship as well xoxoxo love you oodles

  9. I am grateful that I am done with exams.
    I am grateful for a healthy family
    I am grateful for good friends, both here and abroad.

  10. i'm grateful to have a wonderful friend like you jamie ... you make me happy

  11. I am grateful that I have food on my table and a roof over my head.
    I am grateful that I am sober from my drug of choice.
    I am grateful for the friends who love me despite my faults.
    I am grateful for my mom, who loves me unconditionally.

    I am grateful for knowing you and for this blog post!


  12. phaedra, i'm grateful you came by to share! xoxo

  13. I am grateful to have the chance to travel. When I'm walking through the streets of India and I'm stopped every few paces by kids as young as two begging for food and water, I'm reminded of how grateful I should be for a roof over my head and a meal on the table.

    Beautiful post, Andrea, thank you. :) xx

  14. vee, we are both so lucky to be privileged ... it's the ability to see how lucky we are that makes our lives rich.


your comments make this world feel smaller ... and you feel closer