Monday, August 1, 2011

The show must go on.

I did it.

Made through 3 shows in one week.

Only problem is, it landed me in the hospital.

I'm trying so hard to get back to my life as I knew it before the motorcycle accident, but honestly, I really think it's time to take a hard look at all this.

I used to work, perform, exercise and still have strength and energy to hang out with friends dancing or whatever would have been on the agenda.


Well, here's how my week went in the new healing journey of Andréa:


no pain meds = open eyes
Our show went great.  I was thrilled to be performing again, and was so happy to see people in the audience dancing!


When I went to work, I was asked to go to the office to talk about how many days I've taken off in my short 3 months of returning to work.

My boss made it clear, "I'm really just checking in to see how you're doing.  We've noticed you've taken 11 of your 12 sick days in a matter of 3 months of returning.  Do you think you're ready to do this job?"

I was so humiliated.  Not because of his words, but because of my injuries not healing to where I'd like them to be.  I told him, "I'm really trying my hardest to do this."

We left it at the company wanting me to ask my lawyer to get the days off from my back flare ups recouped from ICBC, and given back to the company.

Sounds fair to me.  It's neither my company's fault, nor my fault that the motorcycle accident left me taking so many days off due to a bitchy back.


I went into my G.P. to talk about the conversation with my boss.  My doc looked at me sideways, peering over the rim of her glasses with a question that really sounded rhetorical, "Do you think you're ready to do this job?"

Again, I replied, "I'm really trying my best to do this."

After my appointment, I went shopping.  I grabbed my usual beautifully organic, lusciously bright veggies, along with the necessities I need for the week.

As I carried the bag of groceries down the 'my didn't they do a good job on the carpet' stairs, I felt my back go into spasm.

No problem!

I'll do what I'm supposed to do and be back on track for my performance tomorrow!

Well, it was a little difficult to get this bitch of a back to calm down, and I noticed I couldn't even bend over to pick up my purse.

i can do this! don't fuck with me now mother fucker!!


g'ma thinks i look 'nice'
I really took it easy and got on stage, entertaining the sparkly fags in their gold lamé shorts.

Only problem, was when I was finished, the adrenaline wore off and I couldn't walk back to the car.

There I stood, looking like a hooker on a corner waiting for my 'john' to arrive.

No problem!

I'll do what I'm supposed to do and be back on track for my next performance tomorrow!


note: only arms are moving
I realized I'm not doing so well.  As a matter of fact, I was worse than the day before.  I took the down time during our set up, rehearsal etc, to stretch my back.

You know?

Do the right thing.

Just as I was doing a spinal twist, I felt it.

Something gave.

That was it.

I couldn't get up off the floor and I had a performance in 2 hours.

I rolled myself over, found a chair to hoist myself up with and cringed with every shooting pain that seared my back and my legs.

But I got up.

I informed my two performing mates that if I happen to fall to the ground during the performance, that it will be played out as part of the show.  "Don't come running.  I'll just pretend I'm meant to be there."

I collapsed from pain repeatedly trying to get to the stage.  The jolts of pain were like lightning striking my back and throwing me to the floor.

Yet some magical thing would happen while I was on the stage; adrenaline would kick in and the pain would disappear.

Oh, I finished the show alright.

Then, after all the 'congratulations' and 'oh my god that was so greats', the adrenaline wore off and I went down for the very last time.

I couldn't move my legs.  I couldn't sit.  I couldn't even lift my arms or my head.

Knowing that it was pretty extreme, everyone decided to call an ambulance.  My exit from the theatre was by way of a stretcher, and off I went to the hospital, where they pumped me full of some magical poison that took the pain away for 10 minutes.

Those 10 minutes were wonderful, but then I was back to crying from searing pain.

My stage make-up ran down the sides of my face and into my ears.  Not only was I in pain, but I was in competition with Lady Gaga to see who could have the worst make-up job.


wanna get high?
Here I am, still flat out two days later.

I've missed the entire Pride weekend, but hey!  The shows went on.

It may be time to revisit the question that my boss and my doc asked me.

I have to ask myself, "Are you sure it's time to have your 'normal' life back again my dear?"

Or was that your last hurrah?

is this acceptance?

Guess I better call in sick to work now and use that last day up.

Pass me the pain meds.



  1. Unnnnhhh..... :( I'm sorry you're hurting.

    But on the upside, your abs are magnificent!

  2. Those photos of you singing are GORGEOUS! *jealous*

  3. tricia, when i looked at the pic today i shocked myself with my abs. my eating disorder doesn't allow me to see that in the mirror

    @bio, thank you my friend :) but don't be jealous you are beautiful too xo

  4. Poor Andrea - I am so sorry to hear that. I really hope you are better soon. I know you were in pain but you looked stunning!!!!!! Tell Papi to take good care of you. You need time to heal. Thanks for posting your pics for us to enjoy.

  5. twister, i'm glad i got the fun done, b/c this is NOT my idea of a good time :( i'll need to get some care for sure ... i hope i'm making sense, my brain is slushy

  6. hugs and get better soon ♥

    You are so strong to go through all that and not give up. I like your 2nd pic (:

  7. :) alex, thank you for the well wishes ... and you know, i like the 2nd one the best too. i don't usually get to see myself in an object way because of my eating disorder, but this pic makes it pretty clear that the mirror lies.

  8. If you don't realize how gorgeous you are then yes mirrors lie. Sorry you had to miss pride and are in so much pain. Feel better soon.

  9. OMG Andrea, you look great, you did well, you're simply fabulous!
    Now can you please try to just get well and heal? Please?

  10. Do you know that you are a stunner? =) I just went through most of your posts Andrea and I don't exaggerate when I say I admire you for your strength. really.
    Yay for the shows! and get well soon =)
    Maybe you need a lot of rest?

  11. @jamie, you're so sweet ... yes ... mirrors lie

    @psycho, i did do well ... and i'm trying very hard to get better

    @delilah, i'm not sure what i need, but damn, this hurts

  12. oh sweetheart...i'm so sorry about the pain. i hate that you're hurting. get well. rest. be safe. and also, you DO look amazing!
    kisses and misses

  13. First of all, shit woman, this is horrible! I had no idea you were suffering like this.
    However, at the risk of sounding shallow, your abs look fanfuckingtastic!...yes, of course I notice stuff like that.
    Get better!...well, the meantime, enjoy the good drugs.

  14. Just had a catch-up read.
    Sorry your back's playing up again Andrea, maybe you should take more time, you only get one back and you shouldn't push it to far - not that you need me to tell you that. I understand your need to be completely better but if you're not then there's not much you can do except give it time to heal.
    You need to be fit for that world tour after all
    ps I am SOOO jealous of your stomach.

  15. @OC, i'm also going to miss the Gender Odyssey because I can't sit to drive down there :(

    @sandra, i'm proud of my abs ... they kinda just popped up over the past month while i've been on the food cleanse :)

    @dirty, i'm moving towards acceptance. i'm not healed yet, so i can't be out doing 3 performances in one week like i used to :(

  16. So sorry to hear about all the pain you've been in!!! My husband has severe back pain from time to time but nothing like yours.

    Sounds like you are probably doing too much:(
    On another look beautiful!!

  17. sux that you're hurting. you look like a great performer though. I totally would've started a moshpit if I was there!

  18. @gayle, i'm so sorry your hubby hurts too ... back pain is like no other :(

    @rafa, you need to come to my shows! we need a mosher!!!!

  19. My fav pics are the first and last one ;-> You look hot in all of them. But super dooper hot in the first one!
    You are snoring away in your med induced coma as I write this :->


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