Friday, August 17, 2012

clearing things up.

So, yesterday, I was really hurried in my writing and was also on a hefty dose of pain killers first thing in the morning and I created a bit of a wave in TransLand.

I believe the combination was a bad mix, and I unintentionally hurt people by my words.

I hope to clear things up for you with the 3 topics that have been brought up on my Facebook page both publicly and in private messages.

topic #1

I was speaking about how I am attracted to butches, but that I see I am also attracted to trans guys.

I am not attracted to bio-males, where as some women and men are.

We are all different, and I brought up my baby sister, when first faced with my coming out of the closet, was trying to learn from me.

I used my past of dating only butches to segue to the present and people thought I was saying my love is a butch.

My love is no longer a butch, and I'm still as attracted to him as I was the day I married that butch.

Presently, I am seeing that I am attracted to people with multi-leveled energies, like my love.  I am attracted to the beauty in people's vast differences in being.

topic #2

When I said 'people ... blah blah fucking blah ... freaks', I was really talking about the zealots who like to picket our lives with their signs of Jesus burned to a crisp on a cross at our Pride Parade in the great U S of A.

'They' call gays and lesbian freaks.  'They' call trans people freaks.  'They' call me a freak because I'm attracted to butches, and trans guys.

They can fuck off, because from what I've seen at Gender Odyssey, there's a whole lot of love and acceptance in this world, and their hatred will soon be squashed by the love the world has.

Really, all I wanted to say was, I'm in that boat with all the people I fit in with.  We're all in this together, and it has nothing to do with what anyone else sees us as.

For instance, I am not a 'straight' woman, but I'm seen as such.  Papi is not a woman, and he is not seen as such, luckly for him.

He is seen as the male he has always felt was there, and I'm attracted to my love, but I was afraid I wouldn't be.

I found attraction for another person who carried that energy.  A male being who had a spark of different energy from another part of him.

That made me feel so good, that I could recognize this, and I tried to write about it.

Not everyone would be attracted to the same people I am and I do not think that everyone who is trans has both energies.

I am at peace with my queerness, and see the pattern in my life where, in THE PAST I've had so much attraction for trans guys when they were a 'butch'.

There is no malice meant from my post yesterday, but there were feelings that I had insulted people, because I didn't see others as the beings they are, which is incorrect. 

topic #3

Now.  About the 'tranny' word.  I will continue to stick to my guns and call dykes, fags and trannies as such in a general way, as long as they don't want to be personally called that.

Papi likes to be called that.  The dudes I met at Gender Odyssy like to be called that.

Some people don't and I would never call them that, yet still, as general blabbing here on my blog, I am not using the word in a derogative manner, but more like I would use dyke or fag.

We have taken back dyke and fag, and we use it with adoration and pride.  Why the hell can't tranny be taken back and used for strength?!

I'm not spitting venom when I use the word, and I use it pretty much the same as I would use dyke or fag.

new business/bonus topic #4

Perhaps I shouldn't write my blog in a hurry on pain killers?

I hope I cleared things up from yesterday, and if not and you're still pissed at me, well, as much as I love you stopping by, all I can say is, you are the one making the choice to be here reading.

today's daily mantra comes from my gratitude buddy:
mastakes teach you important lessons.  every time you make one, you are one step closer to your goal.


  1. I have found, that it is often, but not exclusively, folk from the trans female part of the spectrum who take offence at the word tranny.

    I think that word has a specific history and particularly negative connotation for those people.

    However, speaking as someone who generally lives in that gender neighbourhood, I can say that I did not find anything you wrote offensive or requiring apology.

    I just want to put out there, that although I share some of the uneasy feelings other folk have towards to the word, I am perfectly capable of distinguishing friend from foe. Context and intent matter to me. I try to understand the meaning of what people are saying, as opposed to what literally comes out of their mouth. I think that is really important.

    1. thank you for understanding that i'm coming from a place of love, and that i'm not coming from a place of hatred.

      i can say that i know where the folks who take offense are coming from. it has been used by scum to inflict pain.

      but so have other words.

      i'm so grateful you are speaking lovingly from the part of the community that could turn on me for my words.

      thank you

  2. I hate to say it that way, but you are right. If someone can't accept you for who you are and what you believe in then "fuck 'em"!

    Kim M.

    1. you know, i understand that my writing was misconstrued, but yeah, people have a choice as to whether or not to read here.

  3. I still don't understand what was offensive? lol

    1. i'm always offensive, no matter what i say, so i'll just continue to be me. :)

  4. For me, it's never about the individual words people choose so much as, you know, context and intention.

    I've been hurt by sentences containing NO individually hurtful words. On the other hand, if a name is all someone has in their arsenal against me, it;s generally better if I can push past it and see if anything else is going on.

    Of course, I also offend a lot of people.

    It's probably because I'm a mouthy fascist dyke.

    1. i guess that's why i like your blog so much. you're mouthy.

      we are a couple of peas in a pod.

      love you doll!


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