Sunday, July 28, 2013

the creep

your sunday sillies

So, I really wanted to sleep in today, but Papi was up to talk about what happened to me the other day, still processing the anger he feels, and the need to defend me.

I can't get back to sleep once I've started talking, so here I am.


Thinking about my experience.

I knew the guy was a creep, but I had to deal with him to teach piano to his daughter.

He was always commenting on what I wear.  I wear clothes that keep me cool.

Apparently, it's not right for a gringa to wear clothes that are to help with the heat here.

He would say, "I like your shorts," or "I had to laugh when you came in, because the wind lifted your skirt."

I would just take it, because I know that Dominicans are very forward that way, but thought that if I didn't give any indication that I was interested, he might get bored and cut it out.

Then the other day, I went to go in to teach, and when I let myself in the front door, there he was, sitting on the couch with his 'man zone' standing at full attention, sticking out of his pants!

I averted my eyes, thinking that the 'poor guy' would be embarrassed that I saw 'his issue'.

Looking down at the dog, I diverted all my attention elsewhere, giving him a chance to put that thing away, and went straight in to teach the child.

However, I learned the other day that his boner was NOT an embarrassment.

It was intentional.

Friday, having finished teaching his daughter, it was time for me to get paid and go home.

He walked me to the gate, with his usual comments about what I was wearing, "I like THAT dress you have on."

I tried to take it as a compliment, "Aw!  Thank you!" the way any polite Canadian would.

That was the wrong thing to do.

He immediately pointed to his crotch, "Look!  This is because of your dress," and there it was; his fucking pecker pointing straight out of his nylon pants that are meant for the gym.

I suppose they're great for an erection too.  They show the full meal.

Then as I shook my head and walked away as quickly as possible, he pointed to it again, saying, "This is all YOUR fault!"

I drove away as fast as I could, but I realized that I still have a lot to learn with my P.T.S.D.

I freeze when predators come too close, and can't defend myself.

I get this ridiculous nervous laugh and I can't control it.

I've always done it.

I get nervous, I laugh.

Some fucking defence mechanism!!!!

"Hey Andréa!  What's your super power?!?"


Yeah.  Really good.  Couple that with the flashbacks I've been having all weekend and we're close to a Hurricane Andréa sighting.

Now, I see him as a full on predator.  That's what predators say, "It's YOUR fault I raped you, because of what you were wearing.  I couldn't help myself."

I can't go back, and I feel bad for the kid, because she was just getting somewhere with our lessons.

Then what we learned from the people on the DR1 Forum is that because I'm white, I can't wear tank tops, shorts or skirts above the knees.

If this was Canada, I could report the guy and be done with it.


They'd laugh me out of the office and do the same, or worse to me.

We are not in Canada.

I am a white woman.

I am fair game for the huntsmen.

i take comfort in the fact that i can always leave this situation


  1. Rape is caused by rapists. That man is a predator, as you say. It doesn't matter what you wear. But you must stay away from him. What a horrible man! We still have such a long way to go in freeing women. xo

    1. thank you for your strength véronique. i do need to stay away. he is terrifying. seems the more terrifying someone is, the harder it is for me to protect myself.

      yes. here, they would definitely laugh me out of the police office. or treat me worse.

      it's scary :( and i believe you're right. it wouldn't matter WHAT i wear.

    2. Definitely scary. I imagine he's physically strong and could be dangerous. But he's also a pathetic fool. In your mind (not out loud), laugh at him for being such a poor excuse for a man. This is not just a cultural difference. That man has a problem, and so do his wife and daughter.

      Wish you had a piano in your house. Something smaller than a grand, perhaps. :)

    3. he is strong. he is someone i'm scared of.

      i get a digital piano soon ... i could teach on that ... not optimum, but better than going to someone's house where i'm at more risk.

  2. Oh I SO GET THIS! The other day I was at the bar with a girlfriend. Innocent dancing. Some guys came up to me and grabbed me by the waist. Moments later, I was sitting in a bathroom stall rocking back and forth and hyperventilating. PTSD is merciless. Hang in there girl. Glad you wrote about this. It made me realize that the boys didn't have the right to grab me just because my dress was short.

    1. fuck. i'm so sorry sandra. last time a guy in canada grabbed me by the waist i elbowed him so hard in the ribs that he left the bar.

      i just don't dare do that here. it's too scary. and besides, it's too hard to tell what my reaction is going to be. it's like my mind has control over me when i panic.

      laugh? yell? cry? hyperventilate? i just have no control :(

      i'm sorry you had a bad experience this week too. some men just don't get it. they never will. we are objects for those ones.


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