Tuesday, July 2, 2013

tumour titty

So, it's good news.

It's benign.

But I still have a titty tumour.

Not cool.

The doc was really good.

He got right in there, pushing around Mr. Lumpy, pinching, squishing, demanding it move one way or the next.

I was wiggling my toes while I twinged in pain, as Papi watched, wondering why I was worming about.

Doc said right away that there doesn't look like a problem, but sent me for a sonograph and mammogram to be sure.

That was when I learned more about tumours.

The woman who was doing the work was great.  She showed me WHY I don't have to worry.

She pointed me the screen and told me, "If there was a problem, it would look like different tissue here."

I said, "But you can feel it!  Right?!"

"Yes, I can definitely feel it, but it's a breast fibroid and is not something to worry about."

"So," I asked with hesitation, "does that mean Mr. Lumpy just hangs out forever? And if it grows and I look like I have a 3rd breast, I just have to live with it?"

She laughed, "Well, sometimes, they remove it."

Ok.  When is this magical 'sometime'?  I want Mr. Lumpy gone.

He hurts.  He makes my nipple itchy.  He is starting to show and I'll have to pad the other boob to make it match if he keeps growing, which he seems to be doing.

Then there was the mammogram commander.

She wasn't so nice, nor did she have any patience for a gringa with limited Spanish.

She flipped my boobs around, slapping them onto the mammogram plate, pushed me with force when I didn't understand her mumbling, fast, Spanish requisitions.

There was no making this woman like me, and definitely, I would let her push me around the way she wanted, because she was scary.

No matter.

The way she pushed my boob into the automatic pancake machine, I knew they'd see something if there was something to see.

I thought she was trying to get my armpit in there as well.

I couldn't run out of there fast enough.

I go back tomorrow for results, but don't have to see her.

Phew!

Papi and I will be up before the sun once more for a 4 hour drive to hear confirmation of what they already told me.

They were very nice.

I have no more fear.

Just a little bit of unrest at the fact that I have a titty tumour.

It's definitely hereditary.

My g'ma had 10 of them removed.

10?!?!

Is this what I have to look forward to?

Mr. Lumpy's offspring taking residence in my udders on a regular basis?!?!

I'm not impressed.

I suppose I'll be padding my bra in a few months.

Unless of course, I get one on the other side.

That would even things out a bit.

i love and respect myself

10 comments:

  1. Fucking boobs. They're really nothing but trouble. I know too many lovely women who have had to massacre theirs in the name of health.

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    Replies
    1. i'd like to get rid of them altogether. they really are nothing but trouble.

      adios mammaries!!!

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  2. You are amazing! Self love is so important! Im glad everything is OK.

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    1. thank you naomi :) yes, it's one of the most important things to have in life ...

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  3. So glad that you found out it was benign! Not wanted, but at least not anything more serious. xo

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    1. SO glad to know it's no big deal. no big deal until it's sticking out like a 3rd tit!!!

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  4. That was the funniest breast exam/tumor blog post I've ever read.

    Not bad news, given the alternatives.

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    1. i'm so glad it was entertaining. mr. lumpy has brought us much entertainment over the past 2 months. good, bad and ugly, but YES so good that he's just entertainment and nothing sinister :)

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  5. I don't want a Mr.Lumpy, but padding my bra...you just gave me a brilliant idea!

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    Replies
    1. i'm hoping that this li'l fucker will leave now with the treatment i've been given.

      nothing worse than a cat or dog jumping RIGHT ON IT!!!!!!!!

      they seem to know EXACTLY where to land. grrrrrrr. ouch!

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