now.

Ooooooh, there's a cranky cranky Papi in da hous!!!!

To mi esposo, there are a lot of things that are urgent, but I just don't see anything more 'urgent' than the  importance of sleep.

But that's just me.

Papi is a different breed, and it gets done.

NOW!!

I don't get things done on time, because if I'm in need of sleep from the 'duh' of pain meds, I can't function.

So, I give in to my body's needs and sleep.

Papi?

While his eyes are crossing from exhaustion, he will get it done.

He speaks politely during phone business, and then I get the dirty looks from hell.

From hell I tell you.  With his demon horns poking out, tongue forked, pustules popping out in an instant on his face and skin turning red, I realize I'd better stop telling him how tired he looks.

I'm surprised there isn't green pea soup projectile tossed in my direction, and it's all because I suggest to him to go to bed.

Right now, instead of going to bed, his tired bones are dragging garbage outside.

Relax Papi!!!  I will do it!!

Later ...

Not Papi.

NOW!!!!

Damn.  He hasn't come back for a while.  I'm wondering if he just passed out en route up the stairs.  I fear I'll find him snoring in the stairwell.

Wait!!  He's back, and looking through the dog paraphernalia bag, because it's important for him to do it NOW!!!!!!

Since being donned with a brain injury, when there's too much to do, I freeze.

I lie in the La-Z-Boy and think of everything that needs to be done, then get anxiety from head to toe and think, "I'll do it later."

Later ...

Well, there's not much 'later' left here folks.

The good part is, because Papi gets things done NOW!!!!!!!!, I usually hop to it and follow suit.

He's a good motivator.

Not to mention, he makes things more manageable, so that when I see things I CAN do, they're not shrouded in chaos, and that makes it seem much less overwhelming.

Overwhelming.  The theme of the month.

Papi and I differ in our overwhelmed states.  He goes super freaky in a frantic, go-getter kinda way, and rips around getting things done.

I freeze.

That also doesn't do good things for the guilt factor.  Oh, I'm good at giving myself guilt at the best of times.

It's a different story when it's attached to not doing something that needs to be done because I'm anxious.

The guilt is a battle in my head.

"Just go do it."

"I can't."

"Why the hell not?  What else are you doing right now?"

"I'm just too anxious."

"But if you did it then you wouldn't feel guilty anymore."

"But I'm frozen."

"Well, if you just get up and do it, then you won't have anxiety anymore."

"You don't really get it do you?  Fuck off!!"

I'll do it later ...

It's always nice to think that the grass is greener on the other side.

I wish I had a bit of Papi's NOW!!!!!!!!!!ness, and energy.

Ya know?

i let go of my fears and worries that drain my energy of no good in return