disappointed

Well, I'm a little depressed.

I got denied for disability again.

It doesn't make sense.

I'm approved for disability RRSPs and tax credit, but I'm not disabled?

I can only work for 4 hours.

Apparently, they feel I could live off that kind of income.

Nobody will even hire me for 4 hours.

That's why I volunteer.

So, I am supposed to make a living off of volunteering 4 hours a week.

There are some people out there who have been approved for disability and are scamming the system.

How did THEY get approved?

I have legitimate issues and they won't help me out.

Not sure what it's about, but I'm quite upset about it.

I need to write a letter to them stating why I think they're wrong.

6:30 a.m. this morning I woke up thinking about that letter.

Stressed.

Upset.

Obsessing.

Maybe I should call the woman who hit me and ask her to support me.

Oh yeah, right!  Case is done, she got a fine and her insurance premiums went up.  She's 'paid enough'.

I just don't have the energy to deal with all this.

I wish I had a magic fairy who could swoop on in and save the day.

I wish there weren't other pressing issues going on this week so that I could deal with it with more ease.

I'm so tired.

I went out for a dinner with a member of The Pariah Club last night and found I didn't feel like talking.

I just wanted her to do it all.

I piped in a bit, but I'm so exhausted, my migraine hurt with every word I spoke.

Yes.

I still have a fucking migraine.

It's more like a constant pressure at the sides of my head.

I can actually touch them and they feel bruised.

So, yeah.

I'm tired.

Exhausted.

Overwhelmed.

And disappointed.

There's so much more to do and all I want to do is sleep.

It's my last day at the synagogue today.  I have to be there to say goodbye.

I will be there, even if it seems like I just can't do it.

My magic little cup of black liquid will give me artificial energy.

I will put on make-up so that I look like I'm actually part of the living in this society.

I will wear one of 2 outfits I've kept for the next week.

Week.

One week.

Weary.

Discouraged.

i cannot give up until i have tried every conceivable way