Monday, February 11, 2013

attitude adjustments

Argh.  My favourite scarf.

It wasn't actually in the wash, but the house maid saw it on my bed and took it upon herself to the best job ever and clean it for me.

You don't wash this scarf in a barrel washing machine, or it will ruin.

Between the puppies and the house maid, they're in competition to see who can destroy my clothes the fastest.

I suppose I now have to stop being attached to my clothing.

I loved all my pretty things, but they really are just things.

I'll try to adapt to the attitude I had when I lived years ago as a starving artist.

Everything was 2nd hand, there were holes in most of my clothes and I wore nothing sparkly, except for the items I wore on stage.

Maybe I'll borrow the house maids clothes.  Her's are still pretty, sparkly, brand new and in one piece.

It occurred to me last night that I'm so depressed, it sounds like I'm hating it here.

It occurred to me, because Papi told me that's how I appear.

Well, I've never moved away from my city, never mind to another country, where I don't have my comfort and ease.

I never realized how much I need stability and comfort before.

I'm learning more about myself in these 3 weeks than I have in a long, long time.

So, yeah, I'm sorta out of joint right now, but like my Eternal Friend told me, it will take about 3 months to adjust, then you're good.

Papi thought I was saying, "I'll give it 3 months then if I'm not happy, I'm outta here."


We're here for the long haul, and I wouldn't change anything, except my attitude.

I'm going to try to find as many things I can to be grateful for today, instead of focusing on the negative.  I'll ask my angels to guide me and help me out of my Pit of Doom.

I realized that I allowed the judgemental people back home to play too much of a part in my emotions and set me off into depression, because I was triggered by being hurt by a group of people.

I can handle one person at a time disliking me, because that's just life.  Not everyone can like me.

However, since I was a young girl, I've had cliques of people bullying me, and I believe I have a lesson to learn that I've not learned to my best ability yet.

Never, ever, ever trust a group of people who move like a school of fish.

I had a moment of letting them go yesterday.

Today, I will work at it even harder, though I still hurt and have the urge to cry over loss of friendship.

My Trust List has changed again.  It has dwindled, and what I've learned is that is ok.

Quality vs. Quantity.

Besides, we're making new friends here.

They're all a lot older than Papi and I, but none-the-less, they're friendly and know what it's like here, so they don't judge us as horrid beings for wanting to protect ourselves.

I found a bread maker!!!

I'm going to commission him to make me wheat free bread.  Then I'm going to BEG him to teach me how to do it.

The pool is almost done.  We were told that perhaps today, we could be swimming!

We probably could without them putting in the river water they promised us.

The torrential downpour has almost filled the damn thing up!  But there's nothing like swimming in water when it's warm and raining.  I'll enjoy it just as much.

Did I tell you we got our gun?

Fired it off a few times to check it was working, and spread the aural rumour that we're not going to be easily violated.

Go bug someone else.

We're getting so much closer to having our dream space, and every minute that it gets closer, my heart nears the life I wanted.

Quiet, serene, pain free paradise.

With the exception of the puppies.

They are trouble on paws, but they keep each other entertained.  If you ever want a puppy, get 2.  Seriously.  It's not much more work and they don't use your arm for a chew toy, because they have each other.

And now, I'm starting my first moment of gratitude for attitude adjustment.

I am grateful to be so very lucky to be living in a climate which eases my physical pain.

i see the perfection in all my flaws, and all my genius


  1. Hun the people who are being judgmental have NEVER lived in a developing country in a rural area like here. If they had they would understand what we are going though, like all the other people who have lived in similar situations to us.
    It is very easy for them to sit in their comfortable homes in their SAFE Country spouting out how they would do things.
    I hope they can someday try this out and see how wrong they are!
    It's not even worth being upset about because they are very ignorant to life here. It is not like a vacation!

    1. i'm now only listening to people who have actually moved to a developing country. anyone who hasn't can piss off.


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