Sunday, April 7, 2013

yin & yang

Well, the bubble is burst.

We had a sweet experience that turned into a bit of a fear.

Let's back up a moment here.

I have a friend who is like a Big Sister that I've always needed.

When I first started this blog, she was the first person to contact me to tell me she's here, that she noticed I was missing from Facebook.

She pops in and out when I need her.  It seems it's always when I need her the most, making the time between visits all worth the wait, because I know that at some point, at some time, she will be there to guide me.

She has no idea just how much I love her, from the day I met her over 15 years ago.

She graced my life again last night, to give me more advice, and a little talking to about how we look to the locals here.

Every word she said rang true with our experience here, as well as everything that we feared from the exciting news we were granted with.

Remember the friend I was hoping to have?

The mother of Our Favourite?

She really is a beautiful person.  I've been speaking with her periodically.

Well, yesterday, this oh so pregnant woman with her two kids (one being Our Favourite), came to the gate while Papi and I were desperately trying to put together Ikea furniture.

I tried so hard to understand what she was saying, but it seemed as though she was asking me if I wanted her unborn child.

I knew this couldn't be right, as family is so important here and not too many people would give up their child, no matter HOW little they have.

I invited her in to use Google Translate in hopes of figuring out what she was saying.

In a way, I was grateful for her to come in, so that she could see that even though we have a house and a pool, we only have items that are for necessity.  Not excess.

Not to mention, she got to see our security camera screen.  Maybe word will spread that we're watching the bandidos and they'll move on to a different house to invade.

Anyway, she asked if Papi and I would like to be the godparents of her unborn child.

I almost cried.

You couldn't imagine the honour it felt that someone would show me this trust.

I have My Godson back home, whom I miss so terribly, and the glory I felt in being asked to be The Turkey's godmother filled me up like nothing ever has.

However, after expressing how happy we were to feel this pride of Our Fave's Mom asking us for the newest greatness in our lives, my Big Sister, who is native to the Caribbean, told me it's much different than it is to be a godparent in Canada.

We will be expected to pay for this child's upbringing.

As if he were our own.

A crib, baby food, primary school, college, sponsoring him to Canada and much more, so it's not just the honour.  It's the care to the child.

As soon as Our Fave's Mom left us with our good feelings of being asked for such distinction, we both looked at each other and said, "Do you think she only asked us because all she wants is our money?"

Immediately, I felt the pang of distrust and was so sad that all I ever do is feel this about people now.

It hurts to feel that I'm no more than just money to people, even though I understand they're just trying to survive.

Even still, I feel that being asked this is cause for celebration as Papi and I have always wanted a child.

Maybe it's just what we need?

We don't have to do the hard work of changing any diapers, or staying up all night to feed the little critter.  We get the glory of just being this child's opportunity for a better life.

That still feels good.

Mi esposo and I will have to talk to them about the parameters of being this child's sponsored parents.

I do really like this woman, and I adore her child, even when he brings me a turtle for a pet that I really don't need.

We can't help everyone, but maybe we can help one child?

Maybe he's born to be a musician!  Maybe I get to help him finish what I couldn't after the motorcycle accident!

I am grateful to the point where I feel tears welling up.

this will turn into the life that i envisioned it to be


  1. I'm glad your friend spoke with you about the reality of the situation.

    One thing that surprised me. Catholics are supposed to have only Catholic godparents. The reason is that godparents were supposed to be responsible for rearing the child if the parents died, so of course they would have to bring up the child Catholic.

    1. yeah i'm not catholic hehehe ... but papi is.

      and many people here don't practise their religion anyway. but it is about money.

      we just can't afford to be parents right now anyway. we just can't. we have to tell her no :(

      love you

  2. I think you are wise to say no, unfortunately your neighbours have been brought up in a different world, and will always see you as money, you cant make people think differently than they have all there lives, most of them have only ever known poverty and will always want more than they have, but the same can be said of all of us, I want more than I have but not to the extent that I would try to take it from someone who has more than me, I know I can live with what I have and not struggle to buy food or pay bills buy treats feel safe, they do not have that luxury and probably never will, in there eyes people who have never known hunger, been educated, travelled outside their own country, have tattoo's must be rich. I hope you find your friend Andrea, but you need to look beyond your neighbourhood, to a Dominican who has travelled and gained some Idea of how other people live, they will bleed you dry whilst telling you how much they love you, I've seen it before, you and Papi have to be a little bit suspicious of everything you're asked to do, there will always be an ulterior motive. I know that's a sad thing to have to do but you will not survive there if you don't toughen up. I hope I haven't upset you with my opinion, but it comes from my experience there, and from a friend with a Dominican girlfriend. xxx

  3. thank you kiki.

    i had great ideas of having friends close by who would see me for who i am, but i'm learning now that i will never understand their lives and others will not understand mine.

    i will have to tell her no.

    it breaks my heart, because all i really wanted was love, but it just isn't going to come this way.

    thank you kiki

    a xo


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