Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Saying Goodbye to Psycho Kitty.

My poor love.

I'm so heartbroken for him.

Psycho Kitty is on his way out now.

We have fought for his health for well over a month now and he's just not getting any better.

He's getting worse.

He's so thin and so weak, he doesn't even fight with The Bastard Prince.  He lies with him like an ally on the bed, leaving the bastard confused as to whether he should attack, run, or just look at him sideways.

When I pick him up, it's almost as if I'm picking up an empty plastic bag.

He's lost a lot of his hair.  What is left barely has anything to help us brush him.

We have to help brush him.  He can't clean himself, because his mouth is in too much pain.

His infection smells horribly, which makes it hard for cuddles.  I try so hard to give him cuddles when he wants them, but I almost gag from the scent.  It feels bad, because I just want to give him as much love as I possibly can.

His infection has been swollen in his jaw now since the day it grew.  It has still been growing and we can see he is in pain.

It was really like tormenting him with every squirt of medicine we were told to spray in his mouth, as blood flew left and right.

He screamed, because it hurt.

He was trying to tell us.

However, we had to ignore his anguish, because we just wanted so badly for him to be well, so we did it anyway.

We must stop tormenting him to try to make him well.

He isn't well, and we can't make him well, because his time has come.

He isn't Psycho Kitty anymore.

He hasn't been Psycho Kitty since the infection hit him.

Papi hasn't moved from the bed since he got home with the bad news.

My heart is breaking for him.

I understand the grief.

I know it will hit me later, but right now I feel I need to take care of Papi's heart first.

It will hit me later, just the same as when we lost The Golden.

The pain I see in Psycho Kitty is too much to bear.

He's suffering and I can't handle to watch it anymore, not that we get to watch it much anyway, because he's always hiding under the bed to evade anybody's company.

It's time to allow him to be at peace, which means we have to hurt.

It hurts everyone so much when we say goodbye to our Fuzzy Family and best friends.

Every little soul that flies free to be at peace takes a piece of our heart with them.

Their souls reach tranquility, however, we do not.

We hurt.

There's nothing I can do to help Papi heal.  He has to heal himself.

The part that scares me is that he's already in a fragile place.

I feel so scared for him, and in turn, I feel so scared for how hard things may be around here.

You can't help someone heal from grief.

However, I still feel that I need to help.

At the very least, we can help Psycho Kitty.

We can allow him to be free from pain.

We fought.

He fought.

It's time for him to rest.

My heart is breaking on so many levels.

For Papi.

For Psycho Kitty.

For loss.

We could lay him to rest under the coconut tree, where he can be close to the geckos and butterflies he liked to chase the only two weeks he was happy here.

I'm so sorry, Psycho Kitty.

i can muster up a little more hope and courage from deep inside of me

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