Friday, March 16, 2012

Candida!!! Horror of all horrors!!!

You may be pleased to know that I've showered.

It's amazing how much body hair can grow in a week.


I think the only time in my life that I've had longer armpit hair was when I first came out and noticed all the lesbians around me grew their pits.

So, I thought, "Hey!  If they don't care then neither do I!"

That was short lived.

I'm not that kinda girl.

They were shaved.

I remember the performance I had and I exposed my newly shaved underarm to the club.  "I shaved just for you!" I belted out between songs.

As soon as I flashed my flesh, one of my silliest friends came to the stage and licked my freshly barbered pit.

I squealed with laughter!

Today was not as monumental.

I just shaved that shit off.

But you'll be happy to know I'm less stinky now.


I can open my mouth wide enough to take pills without squirming in pain every time I tried to shove those horrid little bastards in my yak.

I was told yesterday that I wasn't drinking enough liquid or getting enough nutrition.  They said I was malnourished and dehydrated.

They told me I need to be drinking orange juice, pop and any other kind of sugary liquid I can get my lips on.

This is problematic in so many ways.

I have candida.  I've never really talked about it to much with 'you', my imaginary friend.

I mean really, when I started talking to 'you' about Papi being a transgender person and ...

... oh whoa is me ...

... how the fuck am I ever going to get over it?!?!

... hehehe ... silly wife ... we'll always love papi no matter what ...

How the hell would I make a segway from my love going through male transformation into, "Hey, by the way, I have candida."

Well, I guess I did today.

I don't eat sugar in my diet and I only eat one serving of fruit a day.  I've always just told people I'm allergic to it, because it's easier than talking about what it really is.  Not to mention the fact that too much sugar makes me a lunatic and homicidal.

But now?   I'm shoving in Canada Dry Ginger Ale, Tropicana OJ, SunRype apple juice and coconut ice cream by the litre.

My body is telling me it's not impressed.

And it's not just the sugar I'm cramming in my belligerent beak.  It's the fact that I had to be on antibiotics for a week.

Both of these add up to a nasty time in candida-land.


Dearest boys, if you don't know what candida is, stay in your little bubble of ignorance.  You don't want to know.

Dear girls, stop squirming with the thought of a yeast infection.

Dear helpful healthy tips people, yes, I'm taking my acidophilus.

Anyway, I don't stink.

Now I just have to deal with the fact that I'm fucking hungry and have been craving bacon for two days now.

you never know how strong you really are, until being strong is the only choice you have


  1. Replies
    1. when you're back on the mainland, we'll have to go for a nice greasy bacon breakfast!!!!


      now i'm drooling.

  2. I know what a yeast infection is but didn't know it was called Candida. It has candi in the name haha just spelled wrong. Glad you are smelling/feeling better :)

    1. lol! i'm sure everyone is glad i'm smelling better :)

      people can get one yeast infection and not have candida, but someone with candida will get it nonstop, all the time, just from eating fruit!

      so no sugars for this chick.

  3. I had no Idea what Candida was until you said yeast infection, we call it thrush, but we dont have a name for it if you suffer from it a lot, I dont think so anyway.
    You should try the build up drinks that body builders drink its like a liquid meal has everything you need in it.

    1. a lot of people have never heard of candida ... it's nasty and i'm feeling so crappy right now.

      as for the drinks you're talking about, they all contain whey which is dairy, and i'm very allergic to it :(

      i'll just keep shoving teeny pieces of egg between my teeth lol!

  4. "people can get one yeast infection and not have candida, but someone with candida will get it nonstop, all the time, just from eating fruit!"

    Auurrghhh don't say this I love my sugar but I've been fighting with infections on a monthly basis for almost a year now.

    We'll be bread-baking buddies, I guess.

    1. sam, if you'd like i could send you my candida diet plan?

      it's hard to break the pattern of it if you don't remove the foods that are increasing your body's sugar.

      message me if you'd like to talk more about it. it really sucks my dear. i know what you're going through.

      it's awful :(


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