Thursday, March 29, 2012

What's your 'something'?

So, this may be a first.

I've never had my taxes done on time.

Once I even had 6 years of taxes to do.  That was fun.

But this year, I am so ready.  It's wonderful!  I've never done this before!

Probably has a lot to do with the fact that I don't run my business like I did before the accident.

Self-employment has it's benefits, but being an employee does as well.

Anyway, I'm sure you didn't come here to read about my taxes.

How about a little Papi moment yesterday?

"I can't imagine myself with breasts anymore.  It just doesn't seem like I ever looked right with them."

I had to agree.  He looks right now.  It was just a settled comfortable sight of my love.

There was a moment of uncomfortable thoughts within that space of calm.

"Honey, what will people think when they see me on the beach with scars on my chest?"

I replied with what I've been told by other people, and I'm pretty sure what my love has heard in the past, "They'll just think you had cancer and won't want to ask questions."

I felt so sad for mi esposo.  I've had the feeling of 'What will people think?' too many times.

It's so 'human' of us.

But really is it necessary?

Furthermore, is it possible to get rid of that?

People say they 'don't give a shit' all the time, but I'm willing to bet that there's something they think someone will notice, but won't tell anyone they have that thought.

I'm also pretty sure that everyone else who's walking around the beach is thinking that their something is what everyone is staring at, and consequently, they could care less about anyone else's something.

We're just a bunch of nutburgers wandering around hoping nobody will notice our somethings.

So, I don't think my love has anything to worry about.

My something is being worried that someone out there will see me like I see myself in the mirror and point and laugh.

Even though that's not realistic, it's what I think.

I've had people point and laugh for other things, ...

... like you balcony bitches ... you know who the fuck you are ... how's that karma treatin' ya? ...

... so, I can't say with confidence that it doesn't happen in reality.

I have more confidence in my something now, even if it means spending the whole day with shaking, sweaty hands and a tummy that's bent out of shape, I face the fear.

Then!  That's about the only time my something lets up; when I just ignore the voices that tell a different story than what I want to hear.

We all have a something.

Papi's will pale in comparison to his beautiful personality, and nobody will notice at all.

A nice summer glow will help matters when he goes to Mexico in May.

That's about all I can get out today, while I'm being trampled on by The Galloping Gazelle.


He's ba-ack.

Giving cuddles galore and filling our dungeon with more giggles.

whether you think you can, or you can't, you are right
~ Henry Ford


  1. i think people will notice my lack of package. which is probably untrue, as straight guys don't look, for fear of seeming gay. however, i WANT gay guys to cruise me, but then, well, back to my "something", or lack there of. also, my hips. i hope people don't notice that i have hips.
    i love you

    1. :) i love you too oc. thank you for telling your something.

      it loses it's power when you share it. did you know that? :)

  2. I asked your question to the world, hope you don't mind - it was a dang good one;-):

    1. jenn, thank you for sharing! and thank you for reading!! xoxo


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