Sunday, March 4, 2012

jaw surgery diet.

In three more sleeps, I'll be waking up to get my jaw surgery.

I'm actually looking forward to it.

Not the pain.

Not looking forward to that part.  We all know how well I deal with pain.

But I'm looking forward to my teeth matching up.

My brace face is looking really buck toothed these days.

My friends are sweet and say they don't notice, but I feel like a donkey.

So, after the surgery, my bottom teeth will match the front teeth and I'll be chewing like the majority of you out there!

Mind you, that's a good month or so after the surgery.

There won't be any chewing for a while.

First two weeks I'm on a liquid diet again.

This is the reason I'm going crazy eating everything I know I'll miss.

I'm going to load so many veggies into my system that I just might look green around the gills.

Not to mention, the wheat-free muffins, diary-free chocolate bars, coconut 'ice cream', peanut butter on kamut toast, and many many more lovely treats that won't be consumed by this belly for a while.

The two weeks after my liquid diet I can move on to mush.

Baby food.

You know the drill.

Then after the two weeks of mush, I can start attempting to chew normal things again.

Anyway, this is how I got past the rationale with my doozy of an eating disorder that has told me I should gorge on these treats of tragedy.


Zits will be in abundance.

So will the mirror of doom. 


The post-op sheets told me I'll lose 5-10 lbs on the jaw surgery diet, which in their words is; 'nothing to be of concern'.

Are you serious?


I saw that and jumped for joy!

It's kinda like the amitriptyline withdrawal diet, or like the Mexican parasite diet.

Those were really great diet regimes.

Now I'll have a third to add to the diet methods I'm always in search of.

I'll get my jaw surgery diet after I allow myself all kinds of treats.

And veggies.

I'm going to miss my veggies the most.

I know it sounds crazy, but I crave collards, chard and kale.

And chocolate.

But I have 3 glorious days to eat as much of them as my blood can handle.

I'm also still off the coffee in terms of the 'addiction' to it.  I've had 2 coffees in a month and a half.  I'd say that's pretty damn good.

After my liquid diet, there will be coffee.

Every day.

The way your 'god' intended.

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