Wednesday, December 1, 2010

One day at a time ...

Really, it's one minute at a time.

She doesn't get that she's leaving me. She says she'll still be the same person that I married. But she won't be.

She's changing everything I love about her ... yes ... with the exception of her heart and soul ... but it could change as well. Sometimes when we go through changes, everything follows suit.

If I don't talk about 'it' then I don't cry. I know that the law is that when you talk about it, you get it out of your head and through your mouth it will leave. I don't feel that with this one it's true. This one isn't going to leave. I am married to someone who's changing from whom I married. This is not going to leave ... unless I do. I'm not going to leave. I married her and I'm staying because I love her. But I'm going to have to go through hell to find acceptance with all this.

We found out yesterday that we're going to be living in our attic for 4 months while they reno the house from the flood. Nice. We have to go through this rough time while going through the uncomfortable living situation. It really doesn't make things easier. Trying to find anything in boxes that we need ... the little that we were allowed to keep that is. Now we have to go buy extras while they go through all our sewage infected items to see what we get back.

My back is healing slightly. I'm going to attempt going through the day without the pain meds and start moving. If I'm on meds, then I won't know how much pain I'm actually in, and could hurt more by stretching. So, I have to move as far as my body will allow me.

Life's going on right now ... in a HUGE way. I need support and don't know how to ask for it. I can't talk about it, but apparently I can journal. So maybe this is my way of getting through it. Nobody has subscribed to this blog ... so, so far it's private :)

If there's anyone out there who's gone through this, I do want to be able to talk about it ... seems that I would prefer anonymous support rather than my friends knowing how screwed up I really am. It's embarrassing.

This minute in time is ok.

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