Sunday, February 27, 2011

This little light of mine ...

I woke to a clean kitchen.

This pleased me greatly, as it was part of that 'ToDo' list that has grown over the past few days of sloth.

I can at least delete it from the list and continue to beat myself up about the other stuff that needs to be done, that I know I don't have enough energy to accomplish.

I'm still feeling like a bag of doo, but I guess what my blogger friend said is true,

(i'm always rhyming things ... just can't help myself ... a little OCD? or the poet in me? hehe there i go again) ...

"I would allow yourself to sleep, if you need it. Its only an issue if it goes on more than a couple weeks."

I'll allow it, but I don't like it.  No, sir, I don't like it one bit.

Anyway, back to the happy kitchen.  It must have been the kitchen gnomes.  My dear Papi is sleeping off a graveyard shift.

what crazy person cleans a kitchen after working a 10 hour graveyard shift??!?!?! ... oh ya ... my nutbar love.

That crazy love of mine is sleeping in the La-Z-Boy ... the ugly man chair.  The monstrosity of the pit of doom.

Papi likes it, but I feel guilty when I'm in it.  Yet, there lies my love, with puny whiskers of pride.

Proud that there's peach fuzz on that upper lip.  Proud of the tiny hair that you almost need a magnifying glass to see, but to my love it's standing at attention.

Mi esposo is already calling it a soul patch.  I can't help but giggle, then agree with all the people who say that when you're with a transitioning person, it's all about them.

Yeah, well, they haven't met me.

high maintenance much?!

I still get my 'all about me' in amongst the 'all about Papi'.  I just time my moments right.

I do love that my love is having an 'all about me' time.  I have nothing but joy when I see people allowing themselves to delve into raising their self-esteem.

As long as I'm not forgotten about, I'm good.

I suppose that's why it hurt so much when I was abandoned by so many people in my time of need on that stupid Facebook site.

I am actually grateful for this experience to have allowed me to weed out the artificial friends.  I've never done that before, I'm usually the one to be spewed from people's lives when I'm the weakest fledgling in the nest.

It used to feel like defeat.

how could you not like ME?!?!  i'm lovely dammit!  ok a little self centered, narcissistic, selfish, ad infinitum, but lovely!

It's a great time in my life amongst this mayhem, grieving and anger.  A time of genuine love.  A time to let go of needing everyone to like me.

I am of the camp of 'everything happens for a reason'.

I have enough love from those that matter; my Trust List, Papi, and new friends that I've met along the way who don't judge me.  They just accept that I'm as loony as them.

Our darkest times are there to teach us how to enjoy our brightest moments.

I'm shining.


  1. After reading your posts I always have an urge to say something, and for some reason I haven't said it until now. You write so beautifully that I find myself rereading your posts over and over. You have such a beautiful style of writing.

  2. that's got to be one of the nicest comments i've ever received ...

    thank you xo

  3. I agree, I was just going to say "well written" but the Borderline one has taken the words right out of my mouth. I'll have to catch up on your other posts.

  4. tread lightly spookeez ... there's some heavy stuff back in nov/dec ... but enjoy if you do get there

  5. Remember when we were teens and we were first getting boobies? How proud we were of those little bumps and how we admired them in the mirror? And when we had our first hairs 'down there' and in our arm pits and how we thought we had the world by the ass because we were all grown up but we were barely teens? That's got to be how Papi gets to feel all over again, a kind of a rebirth of sorts and I an happy for them. And to think you get to watch it all happen! That in itself has got to be amazing!
    I know, it's easy for me to say because I don't have all the emotions and love of the relationship involved in it but through you I can understand it at least a bit better. And I find it fascinating :)
    Love is a strong thing...let it work for you.

  6. you're a sweet supportive person my dear ... and this is a great way of looking at it.

    i'm not thinking the 'amazing' thoughts yet, but maybe in the future. :)

    but at least i have another way to see it ... thank you

  7. I'm just a simple old lady trying to get through this hell they call life....
    And you know, you're not losing Papi, she is in there in her heart, her soul and her mind.

  8. I was going to email you but I don't think your email is listed. Anyway I thought you might be interested in my cousins blog............ He just started it. Hope I am not over stepping my bonds.

  9. thank you gayle ... i will check it out ... i know ppl have found me on email here, just don't know where lol!



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