Monday, February 14, 2011

*rules are subject to change without notice

Happy Valentine's Day.  I say that with sincerity.

It's a hell of a lot better than when I was saying 'Merry' Fucking X-Mas, as I levitated with my head spinning in 360's spewing split pea soup as venom.

It is indeed a happier time than it was a month and a half ago.

Our day will be spent with no electronics.  It's about all we can do to celebrate each other while we're still in a bit of a muck of the flu.

I better get my heart out to 'you', my imaginary friend, as fast as I can before Papi wakes up and I put the laptop down. 

(oh, btw, the dishes got cleaned.  i'm looking at a tidy kitchen.  phew!)

We're obviously feeling better because there was a bit of dealing with 'stuff' yesterday.

There hasn't been any talk about 'it' since we got the flu, other than joking around, of course.  Humour is necessary to get us through this.

However, yesterday I began to trudge uphill (without the cement blocks now) to the washroom, when I heard a shriek come from the kitchen, "HONEY, NO!  DON'T COME IN!!!!!"

All I wanted to do was get more toxins out in the bathroom, but instead I had to witness the evidence of that poison being put into Papi's perfect body.

I felt embarrassed.

I had really bad timing, as all Papi was doing was trying to conceal this hormone being forced into that lovely body, as per my request, or my 'rules' as I feel negatively.

Papi knows I'm queasy about this.  My love knows I don't want to know about this.  Mi esposo did the best that could be done, thinking I'd still be lying like a sloth due to my weakness.


When Papi got back, I felt horrible.  My love's usually pleasant face looked worrisome and a little more pale.  Something was not right.

I asked if everything was ok, and got a rebuttal of the same question.  We were both 'ok', but something seemed askew.

Then Papi turned to me with panicked eyes, "I think I made a mistake." 

My stomach turned.

Papi thinks there's a possibility that double the dose was administered by accident. 

I remember what happened the last time this occurred.  It wasn't pretty.  My love was horribly sick for 4 days and I fell further in fear about this poison of a hormone infiltrating the body I worship.

My love is not so great with math, and I'm quite good at it.  Still, Papi knows not to talk about this with me, and therefore tried to figure out how much to put in the new needle that was to be used.

Papi wasn't 'allowed' to ask for my help as per my 'rules'.  Now, mi esposo doesn't know if it was given properly, which could result in a very bad side effect.

Here I am on Valentine's Day, waiting for my love to wake from a Seroquel and Trazodone blackout, to find out if I have a sick puppy on my hands.

It's really my own fault.  I could have helped Papi with the math, but I have trained my love not to speak about 'it'.

Therefore, I must lie in the bed I've made.

I just want Papi to be ok.

Perhaps it's time to let a little bit of the 'rule' lapse?  Maybe just to keep Papi safe?


  1. *hugs* I wish I could somehow help you with this. It is tearing you apart. I don't know what to tell you... you can't win either way. Either you have to help her with something you hate, or you have to let her try to guess whether she is dosing correctly.
    I know this is deeply personal, and none of my business, but since you do ask, I will give an opinion. But it is an opinion based on limited information. Gut instinct? Help her. This is something you will have to deal with at some point. Whether you help or not, it will happen. Maybe you could somehow ease into helping her?

  2. i don't understand how E could not get the dose right. this is worrisome, for many reasons. how?

  3. @OC they were new needles ... they had different looking amounts on them. papi's going to get the old ones back.

    @Bio ty my dear ... i do appreciate your input and the easing in is the best way ...

  4. b/c i'm an idiot and my first Dr gave me a diff needle which is kinda shady and she told me just go to around "this line" i forgot when she said that line to use that was for every 2 weeks and i am doing every week instead ok'd by the other Dr. I also was trying to hurry so the wife wouldn't come in. The new needle given by the second Dr is very staight forward. You take 25mg every week and there is a line at 25. The other shady one is much bigger and you gotta do some weird math which i didn't think about before the hurry hurry of it all cause i forgot i was out of the "good" ones.

    Sorry to the Wife for worrying/upsetting you!

    I'm fine no weird side effects :->

  5. not an idiot :( not an idiot ... just a mistake ... but don't let it happen again!!

    i now go back to my 'i don't wanna hear it'

    **plugs ears** lalala i can't hear you


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