Sunday, February 20, 2011

Talons are sharp.

Once upon a time, I had an evil ex that I was trying to get papers served to, so I could sue her for robbing me and making me homeless, amongst other pleasantries.

She was very good at evading the process, but we got her one day when she was trying to terrorize me by flaunting the girl she left me for.  It was while I was having a coffee of support in a café with a Trust List friend.

I called the server and said, "I'm looking at The Beast right now.  Come and get her."

Ah, the art of avoidance.

Not much unlike what I'm trying to do right now.

I don't want to talk about 'it', but I have to.

Papi tried to casually talk about 'it' during the 10 minutes I got to spend with mi esposo yesterday, which happened to be right before my love was to leave for work.  Visions of me crying alone were devastatingly protruding thoughts and I said, "Not now.  You're on your way out.  It's not time."

"But you don't even know what I was going to say!"

"Yes, I do, and you can't just throw it at me then leave."

ah my love, when will you learn that we've become 'one' and your thoughts are mine now **enter evil laugh here** be careful what you think !!  mwahahahaha!!!

I thought today would be yet another day where I wouldn't get to see my love.  It would make it 3 days since we've hung out.

3 days since Dr. Scissorhands said mi esposo needs to go up on the hormones.

I don't want to hear it from Papi.  Hearing those words from mi esposo will make it real.

So today, while my love was going to be sleeping off another graveyard shift, I was going to mooch off Bill Runge's sophisticated skills at a composition workshop, in hopes of learning how to orchestrate horns in an improved fashion.

When I told Papi, I received a panicked text, "But I had plans for us!!"

I canceled my plans for the workshop.

We will get to see each other today.

I miss my love.  I hate it when our schedules don't mesh, but I know that seeing Papi today means I'll have to hear those words during our time together.

I know my love needs to talk to me about the hormone doses going up.

fuck.  here comes the nausea ...

I don't want it to happen, but it's going to.  I don't have any choice in the matter.

I will be served MY papers today, in the form of loving words that Papi will try to make sound like it's a good thing, with a cherry on top.

Well, I suppose for half of this relationship it's a good thing.

Only half.

My wife is leaving.

demons have wrapped their talons around my heart ... it hurts ...

it really really hurts ...

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