Friday, May 4, 2012

A Mirror Image

If I didn't get on that bus, I would have been the only person left out in the rain.

I didn't want to be the only person left out in the rain.

So, I got on.

I tried to squeeze myself in between everyone and at the same time, tried to find a place for my old lady cart, when I felt someone elbow me really hard in the back of the ribs.

When I turned, with a little more than shock, to see who did this, I heard, "You fucking bitch!"  I didn't know what that was for, but I soon found out.

miserable lady: You fucking cunt **every name in the book** You don't just fucking push your way in.  Get to the back of the fucking bus!

Being a tad stupefied at her outburst, I looked at her with calm, innocent doe eyes, and simply said, "No."

I have to say, I would have rather been at the back of the bus at that moment, but I couldn't get through.  Yet mostly, I wasn't going to allow this gargantuan, scary woman bully this little femme.

ml: **every name in the book** You fucking hit me with your cart and then you just turn around and look at me like a fucking idiot.  **every name in the book** You need to say sorry and treat people with common courtesy!!

I didn't know I bumped her with my cart.  I was only trying to get in so the driver could have his visual path on his right hand side.  I would have apologized, but I couldn't get a word in.

I also might add in here, that when she bent down to intimidate me, she made sure she was within inches of kissing my face, and I could feel her coffee breath that was covering up last night's binge drinking session.  But I answered her.

me: You mean, like you're doing right now?
ml: Go suck on a cock.
me: Nah.  I really don't like to do that.  I'm a lesbian.
ml: You know what?  I can tell!  You fucking dyke!
me: Really?!?!  Thank you!!!  Most people can't tell!!

At this point, I was pretty sure amazon woman was going to clock my poor, healing jaw that still doesn't have all it's bone.  However, fortunately for me, she had more to say.

ml: You're disgusting!!  You're so fucking gross!!  You're such a fucking disgusting dyke that you've got it stuck in your braces.

I liked that one.  But I had to be honest.

me: Actually, that would be my morning eggs stuck up in there.
ml: **every name in the book**

Now people around were a little worried, and they started to move away from us as quickly as possible.  I took this opportunity to stand a foot away from her, because I was seriously afraid of her ability to physically hurt me.

I leaned against the bar and breathed.

I then began to hum a song.  It didn't matter which song I hummed.  I just needed to find that beautiful place I had in my heart prior to stepping on that bus.

She couldn't hear me humming, because of the bus engine and general street noise, so I wasn't worried that she would think I was taunting her.

I decided to look around the bus to keep my eyes off her, in case she wanted to start a fight again, and as I looked around, I noticed everyone staring at me.

They were actually stretching their necks out and around people to take a look at the cheeky one.  How was I the crazy one that everyone had to look at?!?!

I could still hear **every name in the book**

It was time to get off the bus, and when I was about to leave, I leaned over to the bus driver and said, "I really hope you have a good day today."

He smiled and gave me a little wink.  I don't blame him for not stepping in.  He was smaller than me and I was smaller than the bus badger!

Even as she continued, **every name in the book**, I said with sincerity.

me: Have a good day.
ml: Fucking whore!

That was accompanied by the middle finger. 

I couldn't do anything other than feel sorry for her, so when I stepped off, I told her, "I wish you love."

I didn't get love back.  I heard more turrets haunts, but I walked away and sent her as much love as I could possibly give in that moment.

Dear Miserable Lady:  I do wish you love.  I really do.  The pain you're feeling from drug and alcohol addiction is horrible.

I know, because I've been that person.  That person who was mean and rude to everyone around me, because I just didn't know how to deal with my life.

I cried a few tears for this soul, and have been sending her love ever since.

today's mantra from my mc guru:
i am love, i breathe it in and live it, and feel it always


  1. You are a good soul Andrea. I would have cold cocked the bitch! ;)

    1. twister, she was BIG!!!! and SCARY!!! if you would clock her, then you kinda scare me lol!

      however, her being taller than me, she was in the perfect position for a palm thrust the the chin.

      i was ready, just in case she tried anything :)

  2. Now you see this is why I don't do public transport, how do manage to see the upside of that situation? you're a better person than me! and yet you always question yourself, you are an enigma girl!!

    1. it's a journey kiki ... i've had to work to this point and i'll tell ya, i'm positive it may be a different experience at some other point, where i'll have to learn how to deal better again.

  3. That's why I don't take the bus, it's scary!

    1. it is sweety. it's so scary. i'll stick to handydart :)

  4. I would have done the same thing, but just to piss them off, and I would have hummed loud enough for them to hear, but it would be taunting. You are a good soul to truly mean it.

    1. i've always wanted to be able to have moments of wit during these times, so that i could piss people off more.

      problem was, with that attitude, i could never be calm enough in my soul to be able to find the wit.

      i only found it, because i was relaxed within my own place of good energy.

      that right there is the only reason i could find love for this woman.

  5. you handled that situation with exceptional mindfulness - not just for yourself, but for that hurting soul of a woman. Big kudos to you lady!

    1. i wish i could watch her life phaedra. i wish i could help her see that she doesn't have to be that unhappy.

      it's possible to find happiness.

      you and i both know that xoxoxoxo


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