I think that Papi and I have been tested up the wazoo, and I think we're on to the next examination of our devotion to each other.
We've survived my motorcycle accident, along with all the brain injury and physical hell that my love has had to endure while watching me struggle to heal.
We've survived a horrible miscarriage, where I had 2 emergency D&Cs, 3 trips to ER, followed by the realization that perhaps, I can't carry a child to full term.
We've survived my love going through male transformation.
We've survived being ostracized by hateful crud in the 'community', who did their best to crush our hearts.
This has all happened in 4 years.
Well, we're now on to another chapter of survival in our relationship.
We're both going through life issues that are not the same, however, we're doing it at the same time.
Today, I begin working on dealing with my past of sexual/emotional abuse, abandonment, and low self-esteem due to my upbringing.
My love lost his mother at the tiny age of 10 and has never really worked on his issues, but now that G'ma is going downhill, he can see her time is coming, and I'm so grateful that he's going for support to deal with his grief.
It breaks my heart to see him in such pain.
We were upstairs organizing our recycling together, when we noticed G'ma didn't eat her dinner.
We tried to give it to her, but she said she's not hungry.
Alzheimer's will do this.
We're seeing all the typical textbook symptoms come to light now, and this is putting my love into a very difficult place; It's bringing up everything from the loss of his mother at such a young age.
It's interesting that we've both had stuff come up from our upbringing at the same time.
My dear sweet Papi is hurting so bad right now, and is afraid that I'll see his worst side and not be able to take it.
I'm not sure if my love has really taken a look at Hurricane Andréa lately, but she is not one to back down from any emotional challenge.
I didn't stick around after the year of grieving from losing my butch, only to take off after a difficult time comes up.
We're two peas in a fucking pod, I'll tell ya. The 'CooCoo Couple'.
Even still, by having two people who know what it means to work on personal issues, we're very fortunate that we both understand.
My heart breaks to watch my love witness his G'ma getting worse. It breaks my heart to see his tears roll down his face as he sees G'ma fading.
The one thing I do know is, he will get better.
Everything gets better with time, if you work on it.
Everything works out, no matter how hard it is at the time, even if it's not the result we want.
Between the two of us, our reasons for healing are different, but we're in the same car on the road to get there, we'll just take turns driving.
There is so much work for both of us to do on our own ends, but we'll do it with love, and some more tears. Not to mention, a few more difficult passages through our own personal hell.
All I know is, I'm ready to be Papi's advocate, support, and caretaker when the time comes for him to fall.
I'm also ready to start my counselling today.
After all the intake has been done, and my case presented to the BigWigs who decide whether or not I get free counselling for 6 months, I've been accepted.
Congratulations Andréa! You're nuts enough for the government to pay for your counselling!!
I look forward to being even stronger and happier, even if I'm terrified to look at my past.
i am willing to let go