Thursday, May 31, 2012

this kid's alright.

P.T.S.D. ... If you've never experienced it, you could never understand it.

I didn't understand it either when a friend had it, but now I do.

However, I'm now experiencing that some people don't understand it with me and really, it's ok!

I just had an email from a friend who genuinely cares and has a very sweet, pretty heart.

She says that I have to let go of pasts.

True!!!  100% agreement.

This is why I'm here sharing.  This is why I write about it.

I find that when I say it out loud, it loses it's power, and at the same time, I find support from people who have the same feelings.

A lot of the time, when I jump on here, I let the steam out of the kettle.

If you don't let it out, that whistle is painful!!!!!!  Good god that sound!!!!!  I can't handle it!!!!!

When I put the kettle on in the morning, I only put enough water in for that one magical cup of coffee and morning pouring.

That way, I can watch and be close by to snuff that offender before she screams.

Shhh.  Please.  I mean it.

I was raised to be ninja-like quiet in the morning because my mom was a light sleeper, and I am too.

Similarly, I'm bitchy in the morning, especially when woken up before my allotted time.  So, sometimes, I let my emotions rip and out comes everything true to my feelings, because my coffee hasn't kicked in yet.

I'm not the only one with big emotions.  I'm also not the only one who's continuously learning how to cook at lower and lower temperatures to keep emotions at a simmer.

One thing I can say, is that I'm happier now than I've ever been in life.  Really.

I might come on here and rant about the emotion du jour, ...

... who knows ... i may have gone on about something as boring as how my sinister stomach woke me up growling at 7am ...

... but you know what?  I know they're only emotions, which is why I feel safe to share here.

I feel safe, because I know that I'm not the only person out there who has maximum emotions.

I'm meeting so many people now that have big open mushy hearts that live every feeling with passion.

We feel everything bigger!  Love!  Anger!!  Lust!!!  Hurt ...

... yeah ... some feelings are better than others ...

Anyway, when I rant and go on about shit, most of the time, I press that happy orange 'publish' key with joy, because I know I get to tell the world I got another nugget of learning experience extinguishing fears.  No pain, no gain.

I share with everyone who can relate.  If I didn't have readers, I may not have kept going.  Honestly, I began by talking to 'you', my imaginary friend, but I have to say, you're going to have to let everyone else in now, too. 

I love my readers too much, because we learn together.

I also allow those who haven't lived this life to understand, that as much as it hurts like hell to walk through releasing another layer of that uncharitable onion, as soon as I cut that bitch open, I add a little curry and make a meal out of my triumph.

I know that overall, even though I stumble through learning how to let go of bullshit pasts, I do it the best way I know how.

But honestly?

Being happier than I've ever been in my life, I have to say, that whatever I'm doing seems to be working.

 it's often hard to tell just how close we are to success


your comments make this world feel smaller ... and you feel closer