Saturday, May 12, 2012

my sobriety day

Yesterday was my sobriety date.  Only problem is, I forgot.

However, I was given the opportunity to remember.

His name is Danny.

As I limped with my cane, slowly to the front of the store, I was greeted by a smiling man who was panhandling.  I've seen him outside that door before.

I've said 'hi' in the past, when I've been a little more able bodied as I passed, but yesterday, he chose to engage in a conversation.

"Hi!  You look like you're in a lot of pain," he said as he came to help me with the door.

"Yeah, it's not my best day that's for sure," I confirmed.

"I hope you feel better soon.  I'm sorry you hurt so much."

I felt like hugging him, so instead I did it with energy and had a conversation with him, regardless of how much it hurt just to stand.  Crazy part is, I actually forgot about my pain for a moment.

He was excited to tell me that we had something in common.  "I had braces too, you know!"  I smiled a great big smile as he told me this.  My smile ended when he continued, "But all my teeth got knocked out so it doesn't matter anymore."

He opened up to me about his addiction.  "I don't normally tell people this, but for some reason, I felt like I was supposed to tell you."

He was supposed to tell me.

He was supposed to tell me, to remind me that this was my day for celebration.

I told him that it happened to be my sobriety day, and that I am 13 years sober.

I told him that I am an alcoholic, who has found peace.

I told him that I have a chemical imbalance that goes for a ride when I put that liquid devil to my mouth.

I told him that I struggled with drug addiction and we bonded about the drugs that were my drug of choice, which happened to be his as well.

I told him that Papi, too, was living a good life without his choice of drugs and alcohol.

He hung his head, "It's just been so long that I've been using and I can barely remember any of my life."

I assured him, "That's really ok!  Do you need to remember pain?  There's always time to make new, positive memories that you will remember."

He recognized that I needed to get going.  The pain was increasing with every minute I stood.  After we exchanged names, I placed my loving hand on his shoulder and left him with words of friendship.  "Danny, I wish for peace for you in your life.  Whatever that means to you, I wish for you to find it."

I went down to my favourite wheat free muffin stop, and put my pain killers in my soy latte.

When I left, feeling a little relief from the pain killers, I bought him my very favourite muffin and hobbled back up, hoping he'd still be there.

He was!

"I brought you a gift," I told him.  "All I ask in return is that while you're enjoying my absolute favourite muffin that you tell yourself, 'I am at peace'."  All I want is for him to plant the seed.

We spoke more about the fact that he knows what he needs to do, while he made sure I got to my bus stop.  He wanted to be sure I got there, because to him, I was in worse shape than he, so he was my attendant to get me to safety.

While we walked, we spoke about how he knows that the only person who can help him is himself.  I just reaffirmed that all I want for him is to be well.

He looked into my eyes and said, "You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen."  Funny part was, so did he, and I told him so.

For a moment, I realized that it was completely possible that this person with the same eye colour could very well be the brother I've never known about all my life.

Stranger things have happened and addiction runs in the family.

He looked to be the right age, mind you being an active addict, he could be younger.  The facade of age comes when we destroy our bodies and minds with that rotting poison.

But you never, ever know who that person is standing in front of you.  We are all connected.

Danny was put in my path to remind me of why I'm grateful to be sober 13 years.

if i make mistakes, i am able to give myself the benefit of the doubt


  1. What if it was him wow !! what a story.I hope you find him one day Andrea.

    1. i send my brother energy every day. every day i think about finding him.

      i feel like i can do it.

      it will be a miracle if i do, but i feel like i can find him. who knows. maybe i already did xoxo

    2. Hey a have you tried an ad in kijiji? I've seen quite a few and know someone who met a long lost cousin like that.

      Beautiful post. Very enlightening.

    3. i'm thinking you have the most brilliant idea jamie :)

  2. Bless all those like Danny and Andrea who come along and make a small difference in someone's life just by being themselves. How nice it was for you two to haved crossed paths today.

    1. it really was a sweet happening. thank you twister xo

  3. Andrea, I missed you so much.
    Look at you, passing on that inner peace and strength. I may as well call you Andrea, my Angela!
    I hope someday, when the time is right, you get to see your real brother and hug each other like no time has passed between.

    Oh, btw, is that Mind Twister up ^ there? Gawd, missed her too!

    1. i hope someday too psycho!

      so nice to see your icon pop up and get a little cyber love from you sweety!

      a xo

  4. Hi Andréa, it would be awesome if Danny was your related brother at least you can know for certain he is your spirit brother :)

    I hope you find your related brother soon ♥

    and you got your 2 sisters commenting Petite and Mind Twister. I am your little sister ♥

    1. yeah alex, you're definitely right. i got all of you :) we're pretty lucky eh?

      and danny is definitely a spirit brother :)

      a xo


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