Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Sit In Silence

Music is my only way to transcend into a place of inner peace.

Even if I'm playing music some would consider 'heavy/dark', it doesn't matter.  Every note I play runs through my veins with love.

Every finger that moves, brings in a sound wave from the fret board of my bass, or the ivory keys of my piano, straight through my chest cavity and into my heart, where it feeds my blood and eventually, my mind.

That's when my mind becomes calm.

My thoughts are on nothing but the instrument and the notes themselves.

It truly is the only time I can say that I can even come close to what other people call 'meditation'.

Problem is, I can't be bringing my bass or my piano around with me all over the damn city.

Especially on the 'short bus'.  Those bitches leave me stranded at the side of the road too much.  It would suck being stranded and stuck holding my oh so heavy bass.

Yeah.  It doesn't work that way. Especially with HandyDart.

You see, they're now owned by a for profit, American company, called MVT, who pretend they're from Canada.

It's not that I don't like Americans, especially The Yank.  I just don't like American corporations.

MVT just can't seem to understand that waiting at the side of the road for an hour increases pain, which is the whole reason I use them!


My whole point is music.

I remember before I got on anti-depressants, I would go into really heavy valleys.  It was almost impossible for me to get out of the Pit of Doom.

Those demons were licking my heels with every breath I took.

One day, I was crying horribly, but I had to practise for my cello lesson. 

As soon as I felt those notes floating through my bones, I stopped crying.

Until I had to turn the page.

It's quite the job to turn the page playing a cello.  Do you use your bow hand and flip that bugger all over the place, hoping that you don't rip apart your bow hairs?  Or do you use your fretboard hand and lose your place?

There are no frets on a cello by the way.  If that means anything to you.  It did to me.  Unlike my bass, I had troubles finding my place a lot. 

Anyway, turning the page would take a moment, and for that moment, I would begin to cry again, until the page was turned and the sound waves were directing my blood once more, and the tears would stop.

The past week, from the grief of losing The World's Loudest Snorer, I've been very touchy with my emotions.

The past two days, I've had the freedom to play as much music as I want.

The same thing has been true as the cello epiphany.

Music heals my heart.

I've always wondered, are musicians born a musician, and the emotions follow?

Or are emotional people drawn to music, because it heals our hearts?

Either way, I'm ok with it.

At least I have something that I can count on to help my get through hard times.

As my drummer from HECTOR/best man at my wedding/father to The World's Loudest Snorer once said, "It's ok when you have bad things happen.  That's when you write your best music."

So, then maybe I have had an 'interesting life', because that's my journey.

To write the best music.

Yesterday, as I practised my bass, I played along to the BlueLight song I wrote, Sit In Silence.

I realized, I have to listen to my own advice.

if you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That is how dreams are achieved.


  1. you are amasingly insight to your own self, and have taught me to do the same with myself

    and as you accept yourself and how you feel about things, you teach me to be ok with me

    and I thank you for that

    1. it's when people say they relate that i can keep writing. i need to know i'm not alone.

      thank you for being a kindred spirit xo

  2. I liked this one...

    I have no musical ability, but I basically live INSIDE of music.

    There are very few events from my past that I can't place in space and time based on what i was listening to at that moment.

    I'm not entirely sure I can relate with the outside world except in putting it into a musical context.

    1. you see, there's the music creating, and the music listening.

      we need you to listen, or there's no point. i certainly don't 'listen' to my music. i just make it :)

      so thank you for being a listener/lover of music. you are the reason we keep going xoxo


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