Friday, November 9, 2012

I'll miss you, because I already do.

I remember after my motorcycle accident, I lost many friends.  Many people just can't handle that kind of trauma and the after effects that arose.

I also found that I gained new friends that I wouldn't have had before the accident.

I gained people that know what it's like to need support.

Now, as I prepare to leave, I'm finding that some people are treating me differently than they did before.

I ask for some to get together, but some just send passive aggressive texts that hurt my heart.

Yet again, I'm being gifted with new friends at this time.

Particularly one, and I'm finding I'm having sad feelings about leaving.  We're becoming close and now I will be leaving for large periods of time.

It doesn't make up for some friends who are not happy with me, but I understand.

I remember when I had a friend who was moving away from me, and when she told me her and her new baby were moving to a new province, I immediately distanced myself from her.

I didn't ask to see her more so that I could get more out of our friendship while she was here.

I just chose to leave her heart.

I was so angry, but I was being selfish.

It was all about me.  It wasn't about the fact that she could have a better life somewhere else for her child.

What about ME?!?!?

This is why I understand how some people feel the need to distance themselves from me, and sometimes in a really nasty, heartbreaking way.

It doesn't make it any easier because I understand, let me tell you that.

I find myself obsessing about those who have left my heart dangling, instead of focusing on the fact that some just want to get as much time with me as they can.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Please forgive me.

I need a better life.

These pills are not a way to live.

This bitch of a back can't handle this country's weather.

I wake up feeling like a zombie, whereas when I'm in the Caribbean heat, I wake up ready to challenge the day with as much zeal as I did prior to the motorcycle accident.  I spend the day without the pain I would have here, and get the most out of my life

As much as I'm sorry, I have to let you go.

You no longer have to get uncomfortable about any 'let's get together' texts or Facebook messages.

If hurting me was your intention, you've accomplished your mission.

I will no longer be coming back for more lashings.

Keep in mind that I forgive you.

If you're ever interested in telling me how much it hurts that I'm making this decision, I will listen and love you through it.

Just an F.Y.I. for ya though, there are some who are actually telling me this to my face before I go.

I feel loved when they do this.

I don't feel dissed.

You've really hurt me.

I'll miss you as well, because I already do.

i am a confident, positive person and confident, positive people gravitate towards me every day


  1. I think moving to someplace healthier for you is simply brilliant! Go you! And I shan't miss you because you will always be a part of my heart and precious to me, be you next door or a galaxy away. There is only one of you, precious, wonderful and true. I want the best for you, because I adore you. I can and shall continue to do that from anywhere!

    1. :) these are sweet words, and they are exactly how i feel. it doesn't matter how far someone is, if you love someone, that doesn't change with distance. xoxo

    2. Exactly! I speak from the heart, otherwise I have no words.

  2. Andrea, I wish only the best for your new adventure and your health.

    1. thank you so much :) i appreciate your sweet words xo

  3. My heart aches for you Luv. Sadly I know the pain of loss and I am able to relate to those that pull away and treat you badly, sadly I did it with my Mom.
    I know all to well what you are going through and living with chronic pain is not living! I am so happy that you were able to find what worked for you and that Ian what is important. For many selfish reasons I am sad that you are leaving but I feel incredibly BLESSED that through very odd circumstances the Universe has brought US together. I treasure the time we have spent together and I look forward to cramming as much in to the remaining time we have left.
    I love and adore your Soul and your beauty, i admire your strength and determination.
    I miss you already too!

    1. yeah, i understand it too. i regret pulling away from my friend that was leaving, but that's just the journey we had, as well, you had.

      i appreciate you in my life. i'm grateful that we have become friends. no matter how far we are from each other, THAT will NEVER change xoxoxo


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