sugar! oh honey, honey!

It is confirmed, yet again.  I have an eating disorder.

I get into a little trouble with food sometimes.

You see, Papi has been told he has food allergies, so I bought him 2 glorious packages of some wonderful little gluten free cookies.

They're not on my food plan, because they are pure sugar.

We all know sugar makes me crazy.

Super crazy.

Yet what also makes me crazy, is knowing those little treasures are in the cupboard.

They've been there for about a month now.  So, what have I been doing for a month?

Telling myself, "Don't eat those cookies, they will make you crazy."

Well, yesterday, I opened one of the packages to have 'some'.

A 'few'.

Here's what happens when I eat sugar:  I can't stop.

There I was, munching and working on my emails that I have to send out to all the film and TV BigWigs and the next thing you know, I've eaten the whole damn package.

Well, really, I knew I was going to eat the whole package when I saw I'd already eaten 2 rows.

What happens at that point is my brain, filled with poisonous sugar chemicals says, "Just great, Andréa!  You've already eaten most of them.  You might as well eat the whole damn package and get rid of them!!!!"

There's a problem with that, however.

There were 2 packages.

I realized that if I ate them all, I would never have to think about those fucking cookies again.

So, I decided that I would have the next cookie package for dinner.

Oh yeah.

I ate them.  Both packages of cookies.

I'm slower than a slug right now, and I'm supposed to go to the gym to do my physio.  This will be interesting.

I'll be lucky if I make it through my cardio without falling asleep.  They might have to peel me off the rowing machine and mop me to the weights room.

Not to mention, those passive aggressive ladies better not be fucking with me today.

Sugar = Crazy.

Oh, I'm going to go to the gym alright.  I've gotta get my blood flowing to wash that shit out of my system.

I'll have 2 days of an unquestionably short fuse, but I won't be obsessing about cookies anymore.

I already have 4 mounds of red bumps on my face that will be sure to invite more friends to the party, turning into unwanted guests that will emulate a few extra noses on my face.

There will be many more to follow on my chest and back as soon as my body kicks in to try and push that crap out of my system.

But I won't be obsessing about cookies anymore.

It's back to whole foods and minimal carbs today.  Tons of water.

Jeeeeeeezus.  Going to need about 5 litres to wash this shit out of my blood.

Yes.  I have an eating disorder.

And I will not be buying Papi anymore treats unless he asks for them.

When my friend called and I told her I was binging on sugar, she screamed, "But you're not supposed to be eating sugar!!!!!!"

Oh.  I know.

Somehow, I forget these things in the heat of the moment of binging.

Goddam!  They were fucking good and this misery I'm feeling was definitely worth it, at the time. 

No worries.  If I know myself, which I'm pretty sure I do, I'll probably do it again in 6 months when I forget how bad this episode made me feel.

i choose to make positive healthy choices for myself