Thursday, October 18, 2012

gun therapy. oh yes.

While we were talking to the housekeeper at Casa Paraíso, telling her with all our sadness that we can't hire her full time when we move there, she told us in her broken English, "Get a pistol."

This is not because we won't hire her full time.  We told her she will be part of our family and that we'll take care of them best we can.  We already have plans in place to make them our DR Family.

She told us that the bandidos would come to rob us if they're not there full time, because we're gringos.

At first it was a little alarming, until I realized I finally get to have a gun and get to go back to the shooting range for practise.

Of course, people are a little worried about us, but I'm trying to reassure everyone we're going to be just fine.  

We're cool with it.  We love guns and I've always wished I had one to protect myself from predators.

I know that if I had one when I was younger, I wouldn't be living with P.T.S.D for the rest of my life.

I guess I will have to work on my anger management before we have an Uzi.

Also, there will be no sugar in my system to make sure there are no ocean side Hurricane Andréa sightings.

None-the-less, I promise you, this little femme will not hesitate to protect my home and family.

I also know, once we get the reputation for not taking any bullshit, the opportunists will leave us alone.

Not to mention, once we become a part of the community and show that we're there to help, not take, they will not want to diss us.

They don't diss family like people do here in our fair city of privileged white boys who don't give a shit about elders or children.

They respect those who respect family, and these lovely caretakers will be our family.

Dammit, I can't tell you how excited I am to start my target practise on Saturday.

I also have a couple of good friends who I've asked for help to get the best out of my practise.  One is my drummer from HECTOR who is the baby daddy of My Godson, The Turkey.

The other is the Godfather of The Turkey.  He's cleared to carry guns, and regularly goes to the shooting range to keep up his chops.

I'm sure they'll both want to get me the best I can be.

Envision this: I'm lying in my hammock, sipping on coconut water I got from our coconut palm in our yard.  The salty ocean breeze is drying my hair from the morning's ocean pain relief for my bitch of a back.  I may or may not have a missing tooth with a stalk of hay hanging from my mouth, instead of a cigarette, because cigarettes are gross.

Someone comes on the the property thinking that this li'l gabacha is an easy target to get past to take her items.

Wrong mother fucker.

See this Saturday-night Special?  I know how to use it.

He takes a step closer and the dirt beside him erupts from a bullet.  That is a warning, and one warning is all he gets.

I'll be sure to let him know the next one goes into his leg, prohibiting him from taking any steps closer.

That will take care of our reputation and will be the only time someone bothers to try and take advantage of us.

So, this weekend, I start target practise.

Perhaps, I should find myself some anger management to go along with it.

That, and there will be no sugar in my system to make sure my chemical imbalance is in check.

Good thing Papi and I don't drink.  There could be some troubles in Casa Paraíso if that were the case.

Lord knows that sliver of my Irish heritage comes out when I drink, and I become a leprechaun.

Just add alcohol and a gun.

i have deep faith and belief in myself


  1. I like guns on a shooting range. I went to a shooting range once, and I enjoyed. But I don't like guns in real life. It's one of the many reasons I immigrated to Canada from the US. The US is gun-obsessed, and no one there is safer than we are here.

    I understand you are moving into a very different situation. You do what you have to do. I want you should be safe! But for me, "paradise" and "guns" aren't part of the same sentence. YMMV.

    1. i totally get that véronique. i know where you come from with it.

      there aren't too many guns in the DR. people use machetes instead, but the crime is so much less there.

      i would never want to actually use it on someone, because the feeling of harming another is not nice, but when it comes to someone trying to steal my paradise from me, it's not going to happen.

      i will keep my family and home safe no matter what it takes.

    2. Yikes! If anything, "paradise" and "machetes" work even less well together! I have aichmophobia.

      So much less crime than where?

    3. much less crime than here in vancouver.

      since we moved into this place we've had someone try to get in our door, and someone climbing up our balcony trying to get in, a person threatening our dog's life, someone gay bashed on commercial, a trans person killed in new west, bullying to a young girl resulting in suicide, a border crossing guard shot, and these are the only things i can remember.

      it's not like that in the DR. we're much safer there.

  2. Well Andrea - you know I'm gonna have to chime in here! ;) After all you are talking about my favorite therapy!!! I think of guns like I do jewelry. You can never have enough. Though I don't relish the thought of taking a life - but if it comes down to me or them - well that is a no brainer. Load up and stay safe!!!

    1. i remember my g'pa having a gun collection. i believe, this may be me following in his footsteps :)

      i'm so glad i have you to chime in with support. i have both sides of the coin chiming in. i need those who agree as well as those who have their side of reason xoxo

  3. Cross bows are silent. Trip wires can be fun. Ha thanks for the laughs today.

    1. cross bows will take too long to learn lol! but trip wires, now there's an idea !!!

  4. I'll make sure we are carrying a white flag, clearly visible from a distance, when we visit.

    1. lmao! when we pick you up from the airport, we'll have to have a secret handshake.


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