Saturday, October 6, 2012

the dream is not exempt from nightmares

No sleep.

Fucking insomnia.

I guess I have too much going through my head.

Excitement, fear and holy fuck the nightmares every goddam night!

I have the feeling it's because there's no pain meds to block them out.

I had nightmares every night before the accident, but after the accident, I would wake up knowing I had one, I just couldn't remember a lot of them because they had me so wired on pills.

Well, with no drugs to dim the din, the horrors are in full force.

One was that I had to relive all the ICBC crap all over.  In my dream, I said to my lawyer, "I thought you said once this was all done, that was that!"

He replied, "They changed their mind."

Last night was all my musical instruments in the middle of an intersection and people stealing them, but I couldn't get to them because the speeding cars wouldn't let me get there.  Then everyone laughed at my disdain.

Not to mention, every night, I dream I'm in excruciating pain.

However, I do wake up to a lovely sigh of, "Oh god, I feel so much better."

Actually, it's a hell of a lot better than those dreams where you win a gazillion dollars, only to wake up broke and wanting to go back to sleep to relive the dream.

Speaking of psychological torment, I'm not sure what it is that has Papi chasing me around with his LifeLike penis every day.

The Tranny Terrorist is another frightening ordeal.

Mi esposo will intentionally leave that Plastic Penis dangling out of every crevice he can find, poised like a rattler, just waiting to attack it's prey.

I am the prey.

He will wiggle it around with only one intention.

To make me squirm.

I'm surprised my dreams aren't filled with penes like they used to be when I was younger.

Did I ever tell you about the nightmare where there was a glass container, the size and width of a massive wall, filled with penes and balls, floating in blood?


That was a nice one.

That one will forever be burned in my brain.

Hopefully, the vision won't be etched in yours now.

Sorry about that.

Every time I wriggle away, horrified in my P.T.S.D. triggered state, my love will add, "I don't know what you're afraid of!  It's not like it's going to come out and attack you!"

My love, they have before.

He also likes to add, "I don't see how you can enjoy being fucked by a dildo!"


Because a dildo is not life like.

It's not even in the same shape or colour of the real thing, not to mention, I get to control it, it's not attached to a predator, and it doesn't have weird stuff coming out of it.

Too much info for ya?

I guess you thought I'd be going on about our big exciting news today.

Well, if you're my long term reader, you should know better than that.

If you're here just visiting, you poor, poor soul.

Welcome to my madness.

i express my needs and feelings


  1. Sorry about your insomnia! I agree that penises are not the same as dildos. Penises are hairy, and veiny, and drippy. Dildos are nice a sterile. I find the 'realistic' dildos to be kinda gross looking.

  2. the insomnia is a once a month deal. got it over with for october haha!

    yeah ... i don't need realistic. i'll take the dolphin anytime ;)

  3. You mad arse :) that had me laughing and grimaceing! I'm not familiar with the dolphin the rabbit is popular here but there are so many to choose from, you could go bankrupt trying to find your perfect match lol. I'm sure the nightmares will subside when you settle in and move there permanently, enjoy the sun :) x

    1. i hope so kiki ... last night's was awful. raped all night. ugh.

      i really hope one day my p.t.s.d. is gone.

      i really really hope.

      a xo

  4. My mum taught me how to take controll of my nightmares, what you do is break that bastard up like you're shattering a mirror then you sweep the pieces out of your head through the door in your mind then you lock the door and swallow the key, it worked for me power of the mind:)

    1. kiki, i wish i could learn to do this. i've been told about it time and again. when i'm in my dreams, my brain just can't differentiate dream from reality. i guess that's why it's so terrifying.

      it feels completely real and affects me the whole day. sometimes, a few days.


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