Roar.

Well, I can't seem to stay out of trouble.

Am I evil?

Nah.

I just know that not speaking our truth is what will kills us.

We need to get things out of our head and through our mouths before it will leave our souls.  At the same time, we need to find friends that can understand us, and in turn help us learn new ways of thinking.

We all don't fit in together which is what makes this life so beautifully fucked.

I love my life with my perfect soul mate.

except for when my bitch of a back wakes up or when papi eats mcdonald's ...

This soul mate that I saw as perfect before, is slowly, day by day becoming even more perfect.

The scars are easing like the fear I had of losing those soft pillows I loved so much.  The changes that I had hoped to come in my thinking are surfacing, and this amazing soul I'm married to is the same sweet soul on the inside.

It occurred to me when I read yesterday's comments that I was defending Papi and Papi was defending me.

I remember when this all started out, that my biggest fear was those with voices louder than mine.  I feared they would squash me like a bug for having feelings.

I felt I was the only one that felt the way I did, because all those who were vocally, supportively and visibly part of pushing this trans movement forward were the only voices my community wanted to hear.

So I wrote to an imaginary friend who wouldn't judge me.

that's right! don't double cross me bitches ... i'm craaaaaaaazy !!!

I felt I couldn't defend Papi if I wasn't strong enough to defend myself.  This is not a feeling of being whole.  I was grieving and needed to find my strength.

I have.

I'm good with how I handled some of it with imagery that helped me cope.  I like humour to heal.  I envisioned all of those who could 'potentially hate' my feelings as cheerleaders of gender transformation on the sidelines, who could shout louder and kick their legs higher than mine.

It's much nicer than the scary monster that kept me oppressed.

We're all different on the inside, and man, sometimes our insides are nasty bitches!

I'm not sure where all this is leading, but I'm going to tell you something, I like the dialogue.

I LIKE that people are talking and getting it all out.

Talk!

But try to put humanitarianism before politics, and know that we can't all live to better suit anyone else's ideals.

they tried to do that to me with religion.

No thanx.

I'm not sure who the language police are, but they haven't strapped me with a fine for using the word tranny yet, so, I will continue to label my spouse as such.

Papi is a tranny.

I'm married to Papi.

I have had to take a year to transition along with my spouse, and you can't tell me how it is I'm supposed to do it is wrong, or right.

I may have offended those with penes, by saying that I don't like them, but which part of lesbian don't you understand?

I am attracted to trans people, and this is the realization that I've come out of this whole thing with.

I love trannies.

I never knew I did, but now that I'm out of denial, I know this as my truth.

I also know that once you try to silence me, I yell a little louder.

So, go ahead.  Leave me comments telling me I'm not allowed to do something.

Ask my mother how well that went.