I think the most entertaining part about the day was that I ate all my food before 3:00.
I eat when I get stressed. I ate my snack, lunch, dinner and desert all by 3:00.
While we were out in bum-fuck-nowhere, Papi kept asking me, "Are you ok? Are you scared? Did you take too much Crack Butter?"
no my love, i did not take enough crack butter ...
I didn't want to tell my love I was nervous, so I had to lie. "No, I'm fine!" I said as convincing as I possibly could, channeling my inner, perky optimist.
Of course, I was then greeted by, "Good! 'Cuz if you said you were scared, then I'd be nervous!"
yes, my love ... i do know that ...
The greatest Tranny Terrorist moment of the day award goes to Papi for the last words I heard him say before leaving my side for the surgery, "Oh! You better kiss me in case I die!"
No, it wasn't a sweet nothing in my ear. He said it to the WHOLE room.
People chuckled and I shook my head uttering threats, "I will kill you if you die."
Of course this was just a few minutes after I had a near thermo-nuclear melt down with the control freak nurse who must have been a cat in a former life.
"Who moved my cat toy?!? Why is that door closed!?! Don't you know I like to be fed here and not there anymore?! Capiche!?!"
She wasn't freaking about cat toys, but she certainly didn't like that I had our knapsacks and personal items were on a wheelchair in her space.
The sweet intake nurse knew my back pain, and he, with his magical moustache, ...
... no seriously ... you have to see this thing to believe it!!! ...
... suggested I use the wheelchair to push my stuff along, rather than try to walk two feet and stop to say, "Ok. Which way to emergency? I've put my back out again."
Control Freak Nurse just couldn't handle this foreign article in the nurses' area. When she realized that I just may cause a stink, she decided to let it go.
Which was a good choice, because that's when I finally gave in to my inner bitch and the rolling of eyes, death stare and deep breathing were activated.
I have to admit though, I was feeling rather edgy when I didn't get to see Papi right away. Why do they do this to me all the time?! It's worse than security at an airport sometimes!
I was expecting them to kick me out the room I because Papi wasn't there yet. You see, after all the coocoos found me at the hospital, I managed to secretly find out what room Papi would be in and flew in there with my knapsack and bag wheelchair home.
I set up camp with my 'house' and when they came in, I said, "So, this is our room right?"
listen ... do you see me eating? I'm married to the patient ... my room ...
They kinda just looked at me ready to tell me I had to leave, then changed their minds, because they were sweet, lovely people.
So, I ate the rest of my food.
I then proceeded to listen to Papi snore for the rest of the day.
My love is doing fine and is all kinds of fun to laugh at.
Oh, the droopy face was awesome.
The only problem is that I don't like to leave Papi there.
So, Papi didn't die.
Now I don't have to kill him.
I get to bring him home in just a few short hours.