Friday, October 7, 2011

Thank you.

Well, it looks like Papi isn't the only one poking sticks in the hornets' nest.

My article got some opinions flowing.

Some were supportive, and some were loathing my very existence. 

It's good, because it also helps me to see more of how my actions and words may affect people.

Lord knows I've learned a lot through this process, and some of the ways I felt in the beginning are not the same as how I feel now.

I've had to make a few enemies during my lessons, but the flip side is, my real friends have gracefully pointed me in the correct direction with only a few loving words.

There's always going to be someone who doesn't agree with us, because that's the law of nature.

If someone were to just jump right into my sea of words without starting from the beginning, it would be like jumping into a stream that's making it's way toward a vast body of water.



I'm pretty sure it would ruffle anyone's feathers.

None-the-less, there was one comment that I really had to listen to and think about.

One person spoke about how using 'Tranny' is demeaning, as if I was using it the way people use, "That's so gay," as a way to make something sound distasteful.

Well, I can see why someone who is only jumping in mid-stream would find this offensive.

While I do have feelings for anyone I've irked ...

not my intention, but knew it would happen ...

... these folks really don't know that calling my love a Tranny Terrorist or referring to the overly zealous folks who are more than supportive of their fellow trans people is not coming from a derogatory place.

Papi and I talked about it and we both realize that the Rah-Rah people don't get me and I could never get them.

We have different opinions.  We will never make good bedfellows that's for sure.

However, our opinions are both merited.

My spouse is a transgender person.  It's not degrading, it's the truth.

When my fellow fags, dykes, or queers speak about each other using these 'descriptives', they use the word in an identifying way.

A way that is no where near the use of "That's so gay!" that is used in a demeaning manner.

It's a shortened version of the word transgender, and it doesn't apply to only to one gender or another as someone pointed out in their comment.

My spouse is a tranny.  I'm pretty sure that because I'm married to a transgender person, I can shorten the word can't I?

However, I do see how the 'Rah-Rah Tranny' label would offend.

As much as I've seen an opinion in favour of this by a trans man, I will now be dropping the Tranny word.

Oh don't worry!  I will still be using 'Rah-Rah', because I still see people on the sidelines waving their pom-poms without one hair turning grey from the stress of it all.

But as for the good ol' tranny word on it's own?  I can't see myself lengthening 'transgender' every time I refer to mi esposo.

So, I say thank you for your opinions.  Every one of them had something to learn from.


  1. Yeah, I read that comment. Fucking bitter much? I'm sorry but what a fucking ass. Yours is a story seldom told. The other side of the story, and you were not belittling anyone. Wish I could say that about the comment *Boohoo* indeed.

  2. ah jamie, people get heated, but it doesn't really hurt. i know that not everyone will agree with me, and that's ok.

    i do like my friends support by standing up for me :) thank you xoxo

  3. I read that comment - and I was tempted to add my own, which would've been to tell them that they don't know you so they were taking it out of context.
    But I guess that's kind of the point...being mindful of those who might get offended, so I guess when speaking in places that aren't your space you do need to be careful.
    But you can say what you like here :)

  4. @dirty, yeah ... i don't need to comment there, because their opinions, just like mine matter just as much.

    but you're right.

    i can do anything i want here :)

  5. You know what A? The thing that some people don't get at all, is that people are entitled to their OWN experiences and their OWN feelings about these. It is proprietary.
    Whatever category, label, gender or what have you, we belong, WE OWN OUR OWN FEELINGS. And absolutely nobody has any right to tell us how to feel and how to learn from them.
    I salute you A, as always. For your candour and honesty and above all, for your immeasurable capacity to love and accept yourself for who you are, and for loving Papi unconditionally. I just find you a source of strength and inspiration!

  6. :) pb :) i know i say it a lot, but you're a sweet friend and i adore you xo

  7. I just wanted to come in and add another transman voice and say that I got your usage of the word tranny - and that it wasn't derogatory, I mean, you're married to a transman for chrissake! It's just like the word queer (that was once derogatory) we can take it back! Never stop speaking your truth :)

  8. extrospection, i almost caved in when i heard people saying i was insensitive, but honestly, the words i use are not meant for hate.

    they're meant for a giggle from me, my imaginary friend, papi, you and all the rest who know where my heart is coming from.


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