Tuesday, October 4, 2011

And now, I'm back in the closet.

The Papirazzi was in full swing yesterday.

You see, this blog of mine is supposed to be about me.

It's called: Andréa's Healing Journey.

However, it seems that the majority of my posts are about the Tranny Terrorist, or the DIY phenomenon I occasionally experience.

Yeah, sometimes I hijack this blog and actually make it about me, sneaking in a little bit of wining about my bitch of a back, or ghosts.

Well, the point is, it's still much more entertaining to talk about mi esposo and the amusement he brings.


I'm getting my article published on Thursday, and the paper didn't want a picture of only the actual writer.


They want Papi in there too.


Because it's alllllllll about Papi.

And that's ok.

Takes a bit of the heat off me.

Anyway, we got these pics done and the sweet photographer we met yesterday will choose the best one.

Hopefully, she won't choose one of me that looks like I'm in trauma.

Or worse, choose one of me that looks like a beaming, braces infused, bucktooth grin that only a mother could love.

I tend to do these things with my mouth:

nobody said the brace face was going to be sexy ...

So, we'll see which one makes it into Xtra on Thursday.

After our photos were done, we didn't celebrate.


Papi drove me around the city, and changed all his I.D.

You see, my love received a birth certificate that has been changed to a male gender.

It has been quite the process for Papi.  All his ID has to be changed; driver's license, SIN card, medical, you name it.

However, there is one that I'm not happy about: Our marriage license.

It now says I'm married to a man, and I begin my first step to becoming an invisible queer.

I can't really accept that part yet, and I'm still grasping with all my strength to the butch I married.

I don't want my marriage license to be ambushed, so I did something slightly wrong.

I kept our old marriage certificate, and we told the lady at the counter that we lost it in the sewage flood.

Right now, it's sitting beside the sexy picture of the butch I married.

Pretty much looks like I'm starting a shrine to remember my dearly departed butch.

is that so bad?!?!

It's right there in my composing room, so I get to see it every day as my eyes wander around the room, listening to my musical mind about what note, sound or feeling I need to find to portray the essence of a film.

I keep my love frozen in time to keep me company.

one day at a time.


  1. It's not bad at all. We all keep mementos, I have a suitcase full of them.

    And although you are now by default married to a man you did actually marry a butch woman.
    So that's your REAL marriage certificate - the one you were given the day you said your vows.

    It is a sign of progression in your part of the world though that Papi is allowed to do that, I'm happy for him that he can. In some places it would not be allowed.

  2. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding the past as dear memories while living in the present. Nothing at all, A. I'm rather surprised they would ask you for the old one. I mean it is not like legal ID, which I get why you cannot keep the old one. Wedding licences are so much more personal. It's about where you were when you joined your lives legally. The new one is... well... kinda just a legal document documenting a change in status. I would totally not want to give up the one that marks your total commitment to each other.

  3. @dirty, yes. we are truly fortunate that our country allows us to be ourselves. i'm glad i'm not the only one who hoards memories xo

    @jamie, thank you for understanding. it's not something that would affect us down the road if someone saw it. i just needed to keep it for my heart.

  4. I'd keep the old marriage certificate too and I'm not in the least bit sentimental.

    Love that picture of you two although I must admit that, at first, I thought Papi was wearing a strange looking hat until I realised it's the building behind. You are a very good looking couple. :)

  5. lmao! good hat vee!!

    i'm glad i'm not the only one who would keep the certificate :)

  6. I would never throw something like that away. It is a symbol of the beginning of your beautiful marriage. You can't change beginnings even though everything does evolve. That one will always be the starting point. :)

  7. @twister, thank you for confirming i'm not just hoarding lol!

  8. I sort of think of this as a break up, you know? You can't let go of what you (originally) fell in love with.

    It's understandable, and I'm sure your wife/hubby will understand, and that you'll eventually accept all of the change.

    It's just happening so fast that you can't get used to it as well as he is.

  9. that's just what it's like angela. the letting go of someone you love. it's not as hard b/c i still have my love, but yeah ... good analogy angela

  10. i know someone just didn't call me your wife right?!

  11. o sweety ... angela just thinks of you as 'both' is all.

    kinda the same way i see ya xoxo

  12. @angela, i thought i'd mention that i've never called papi my 'wife'. my love was way too masculine even as a 'female'.

    at that time, i called papi my 'husbutch' :)

  13. i have my old birth certificate. i may have transitioned, but i'm certainly not erasing 20 some years of my life. so i get it. xoxowen

  14. thank you OC. you and everyone else who would do the same as i make me feel less coocoo xoxo

  15. I'm a new reader on your blog but I wanted to say that I applaud and admire your raw honesty and I think you're both very brave. I am also a transman, and I know that this gets to be a hot button issue but I'm so happy to see you bringing up the issues that our partners deal with in silence - because I guess it isn't PC to express that this journey is fucking HARD for BOTH - sometimes, more so I think for the lesbian partner of a transman. I know, because my wife has gone through a lot of this, although not nearly as bad because I had already transitioned when we met - however, she still had all the issues surrounding her identity. I apologize for all the shit you've gotten from people - just know that there are probably as many of us out here who appreciate your input. Have a great day!

  16. extrospection, thank you for your support and thank you for being understanding of your spouse's feelings.

    thank you for allowing her a voice and seeing that it's a job for both of you in a transition.

    this needs to be spoken about more, that way when people like me have somewhere to go for support, they know it.


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