Saturday, July 7, 2012

check yer pants!!!

Papi gets on my case if I don't write a blog.

"People like to read it every day and if you don't write it they will be let down!"

Thank you my love, for your undying support.

But what happens when I don't feel like writing?

What happens when all I can do is bitch and fucking whine about this and that?

Oh, wait.

You like to read that stuff.


So, I'll keep bitching.

I'm miserable.

Train wreck enough for ya?


Ok.  Let's talk about my P.T.S.D. shall we?

I'm sure you'd like that.

Remember the screaming episode I had with complete strangers two months ago?

... oh, hehe, they won't ever speak to me again ... scared'em off REAL good ...

I got another shot at embarrassing myself yesterday.

I thought I was done with giving the panic attack disclaimer in my life.  For the longest time, I would have to tell people what to expect when driving with me.

"If it looks like I'm gasping for air, please don't make a big deal of it, honestly, just ignore me and I'll be back from the dead momentarily."

Never mattered that I gave the disclaimer.  People still freaked out when they'd see me turn white, shake and gasp for breath.

I haven't had to give the disclaimer for a while, but lo and be-fucking-hold, I had a massive fucking attack yesterday.

Uncle was so sweet to drive me to and from a chiropractor appointment, because I was just in so much pain.

So, upon leaving the building for my ride home, he went to pull out from the curb and someone didn't like it, came right up honking, with screeching tires and blammo!

Instant psychopath in the passenger seat!

Immediately, I saw my motorcycle t-boning the car once more, just like it did three and a half years ago.

In a mere blink of a breath, I was transported back to my accident, and at the top of my lungs I screamed louder than Cannibal Corpse.

I could definitely have auditioned for their band with the blood curdling sounds that came out of me.

I scared the fuck out of Uncle and the poor man swerved our vehicle out of terror, nearly causing an actual accident.

I'm pretty sure when we got home, he checked his pants to be sure there weren't any fucking surprises in his underoos.

The best part was, the person who honked heard me, and drove past to stare at what the ruckus was all about.

Oh, nothing really, just Hurricane Andréa in the front seat having flashbacks of a much scarier time.

Then of course comes the shortness of breath, the, "I think I'm going to pass out," speech, along with the tears and the, "I'm so embarrassed," or, "I'm so sorry."

He understands that it's a mechanism in my brain from the accident.  He gets that P.T.S.D. can't be helped.

When that little trigger goes off in my mind, there's nothing anyone can do.

That motorcycle accident will probably never leave me.

It's just so fucking embarrassing.

Anyway, there's your train wreck for the day.

Are you laughing along with me?  It's ok to laugh at me as well.

I better stick to the 'short bus'.

i am strong and secure


  1. Next time you get in the car with uncle present him with a brand new pair of undercrackers just in case, Im sure he'l crack up hahaha

    1. hehe ... not sure i want to subject uncle to another car ride with this chick. i'll stick to the short bus :)

  2. You are so awesome!! I am laughing my head off about this! Wish there was a Utube video! Hey I will fucking PAY you to come to work with me and scream at people! People who cut me off. Cyclists who run lights etc. Can I get an app or ringtune of you freaking out? Heehee I'll use it at the mall. Have you considered auditioning for slasher films?
    Happy h

    1. oh, the viralness of the screaming crazy lady. yes, the utube version would have been charming, and oh so enjoyable over and over again.

      kinda like what it does in my brain anyway lol!

      i'd be a supahstah in a slasher let me tell you

  3. Seriously, I am a complete wreck in the car as well. Ever since my car accident that I was lucky to walk away from back in 2008, I can't go over a hill, go around a corner, drive behind someone, pass someone, well.... OK, I can't function in someone elses vehicle as a passenger and it's horribly embarrassing.

    My husband tells me that I make a situation that really wasn't that bad to begin with bad. :(

    Not a fan of Cannibal Corpse but the hubbie is so I've heard them on occasion. That's some scary stuff!

    LOL<-------- that's me laughing WITH you!

    1. thank you for laughing WITH me :)

      i'm so glad you get it kim. i know a few more out there like us. it's so good to know we're not alone.

      so so good xoxoxo


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