Wednesday, July 4, 2012

sadness is leaving us

Yesterday was the day and we told her the night before.

I can't tell you how hard it was to see her have to go through the acceptance that she has to go live somewhere else.

It's her home, where she wanted to die.

No longer.

Now she's moved to a much safer place for her little old lady legs to walk around.  Everything is accessible.

Except her house.

We have Papi's uncle here to help, and they've gone through a lot of G'ma's stuff.

Some of the memories of pasts are damn sweet!  We found Papi's kindergarten report card G'ma kept.  It was so fun to read Papi was a shy one in the beginning, but soon opened up to the rest of the class.

So hard to believe!

There is so much stress in this house, and we're all trying so hard to hold it together.

Lord knows my bitch of a back is not complying.

Between losing one of my besties, gramma drama, and getting all of our belongings out of the house, my back has forced me to take the worst of the worst drugs.

Morphine fucking sucks.  Let me tell you.

The craziest part is, G'ma is doing better with all of this than we are.  All three of us are one bundle of mess.

Tears.  Stress.  Sadness.  You name it, it's under this roof.

All I can look forward to is moving upstairs into the light and get my brain out of the Dungeon Syndrome.  We've been living in this dark basement for too long.

Papi's used to it.  He's been here since birth.

Me?  I never enjoy the darkness.  It brings too much crud to the surface.

Soon, we get to enjoy bright open windows of sunshine.  That is of course, if this damn city would stop raining.

Our home in this vault is pure chaos.  Our belongings are all leaving and we have nowhere to put our stuff that was in it.

Hence, it's hanging off the ottoman, my piano bench, our kitchen island and surrounding floors.

Mess.  Kinda like our minds.

One thing I can look forward to, is the moment the Uncle has left the building, we're moving on up, into the light.

Anyway, back to the G'ma.  She was amazing at taking the whole experience in stride.

When we went back to the home with a 2nd load, I couldn't find her.  She wasn't in her room, and she wasn't in visiting her sister.

I inquired of the nurse, "Would you have any idea where G'ma went?  She's already M.I.A.!"

She giggled, "She's probably up at the 106 year old's birthday party on the 2nd floor."

Off I went in search of the old fart, and sure enough, there she was, eating cake, drinking tea, and already organizing an evening game of crib with 'Dorothy', who said to G'ma, "You're the answers to my prayers!  I have the table, the board, the cards and the money!!"

G'ma is going to be just fine and will probably be running the place within a week.

Of course, it's going to be hard for her at times, but the fact that she's already mixing in with people had my heart filled with so much joy for her!

No longer will she have tears in her eyes from loneliness.

Hell!  They even bring a cart around a couple times a day with cookies and tea, just in case the old folks need a little sugary love.


Plenty of it there in her new home, and she's a two minute drive for us.

I'm so happy she's doing so well.  It takes one of the stresses out of the equation.

You hear that, bitchy back?  Now calm the fuck down and behave!!!

i am willing to let go of the past, so that i can create health now


  1. I hate that feeling. When everything is mixed together and you don't know what to do with yourself.

    1. rafa, it seems all i ever do is say sorry now.

      no, i don't know what to do with myself right now.

      it's a time like nothing i've ever experienced.

      thank you for being a friend xoxo

  2. I have no wise words, no experiences to share to ease the load for you. what I do have, however, is oodles of cyber love and hugs for you, my friend. You are an inspiration of a human being! thank you for being you1 xo

    1. thank you phaedra ... it helps to share gratitude with you and our daily mantras. it really helps.

      more like, it keeps me out of my head and into my heart :)

  3. Replies
    1. vee, i haven't been able to keep up with you all ... i need to get back to reading and seeing your travels.

      i need to get back to my normal routine and life.

      a xo

  4. I can't believe the time is finally here. You will have a wondetful new place to make memories! And it sounds like G'ma is off to a good start! :) Don't let anyone rain on your parade. You deserve nothing but happiness! xoxo

    1. the time has come and it's so sad, but g'ma will be ok.

      she still keeps asking why she has to be there and says she wants to go home. it's heartbreaking, but she's actually doing really really well :)

  5. It's been a long journey Andrea, you're allowed to feel whatever you want.

    1. your support is greatly felt dan ... thank you my dear xo


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