Tuesday, July 10, 2012

You get what you need.

There has been so much stress around The Great DR Purge, but at the same time, there have been amazing moments of looking at the past, and where I've come.




Realllllllly ugly.

It doesn't really matter, it's all my past and it's mine.

I found 4 pages containing, "If I Could Be, Do and Have Everything I Wanted" that I was instructed to write out when I first got clean 'n sober in '99.

We all know life doesn't always give us what we want, but damn!  I got a few things on that list.

Work/Career:  Ok, I'm not a famous rock star, but I'm at least able to compose.

Income:  Nope.  Not making that $6,000 a month from performing and royalties, but I'm financially well enough to eat and have a home.

Lifestyle/Possessions:  I got that motorcycle I wanted, only it almost killed me.  Unfortunately, there was no side car, because my Dearly Departed Gypsy left the planet before I could get her a side car with a fancy helmet that fits dogs.

Relationship:  OK!!!!  I got one of them!!  Well, sorta.  I wanted to be with a sober woman who has all the qualities I ever wanted and we would dote upon each other with love and honesty. 

Got it!  Umm ... however, it's in the form of an F-M.  That one cracks me up.  I guess I've come a long way if I can say that cracked me up, no?

Creative Self-Expression:  Well, it's sorta true.  I do work with many musicians, and I do have a cult following, albeit not as big as I aimed for in my wishes.

Leisure Activities:   Nada.  I had to give up boxing a long time ago.  Yes, I boxed.  Quit laughing.

Personal Growth:  Ok, kinda.  I do still go to counseling, but nope.  I've still not learned how to meditate.

Education:  This one is awesome.  I thought I'd be a personal student to Deepak Chopra.  I suppose anything can still happen in this life.  Maybe I need to give him a call.

I also thought I'd be living in 2 homes.  One here and one in Hollywood.

Ok.  The home I wanted here was in Point Grey.  Can you believe that's where I'm living?

There's nothing on there about moving to paradise in the Dominican Republic.

I guess my point of all this, is I strongly encourage you to write out your dreams and passions.

Put them on paper!  Then put them away for a long, long time.

Later on, bring them out and take a peek.

It's amazing.

It was truly sad sometimes, reading about all the goals I had that I'll never attain now that I have a different mind and body, but what I can say, is my life is amazing.

It's beautiful.

I could never have envisioned my life changing experience of nearly dying to bring me all I ever needed.

I didn't know what I needed.

Oh, but I knew what I wanted.

Sometimes, we need to look back and see that our lives have become a completely different scenario than we expected, but expectations are ridiculous.

Expectations are meant to be screwed up.

That's the rule of life.

The secret to life, is wanting what you have.

When I read my '99 hopes and dreams, and look at where I am now, I can honestly say, I have found happiness in my life that I never imagined.

Happiness amongst life's terms.

'you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need' ~ The Rolling Stones


  1. Motivational reading A. Thanks for sharing

    - Darren

    1. glad you appreciated it darren! get writing!!

  2. Always one of my favourites: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." (John Lennon)

    My life is different and more wonderful than I had dared to imagine. I even have a band again after more than 25 years!

    I'm so glad that you love your life so much. After all you've been through, you certainly deserve it! xoxo

    1. happiness is the only thing that matters :)

  3. That is so funny. I love the Chopra thing. PMSL. In 99 I probably envisioned myself rich off 6/49 and living a life of leisure by my age. Okay, 8 year old me was not all that deep:)

    1. lmao! yeah ... do one now though jamie! it's amazing! you'll get to read it and smile later :)

  4. I'm to old to be writing lists, unless I win the lottery nothing much will change and I'm ok with that there are people worse off than me, Im in a good place.

    1. oh hell no kiki! there's a lot of life to be lived. think of dreams. they're what keeps us going.

      the time capsule is awesome!!!


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