Saturday, December 17, 2011

I was THAT asshole.

It was a threesome last night.

Two of my Trust List friends and I went to a play.  Oh, it was great!  Tonight's the last opportunity to see it as well, so go check it out!

Anyway, you know that asshole that doesn't turn their phone off during a play or movie?

Last night, I was that asshole.

Only I did turn my phone off like the 'good girl' I can be.

However, there was one unforeseen problem.

iPhones don't allow you to silence alarms at the same time.

I mean, it's great, because you don't have to worry about the alarm going off.

If you've got a little OCD in ya, you know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I need an alarm to remind me to take my evening meds.

If I don't take them on time, I'll be up way too late, as one of them is to help me sleep through any pain there may be.

It's a happy little nerve pill that pleases me so, and doesn't destroy my stomach.


There we were.

Watching a lovely play and that mother fucker went off at 9:00 like it does every night.

All eyes turned to me with glares of, "You're such an asshole!"

I scrambled with as much speed as I could to bend over, and slid that little bar to shut that bitch up before the mob had their vengeance on me.


There was another unexpected problem.

I didn't actually turn it off, I put it on snooze!

ah for fuck's sakes ...

10 minutes later, I bent over yet again, being very grateful for the pain killers having kicked in while I was sitting for way longer than my bitch of a back prefers.

I powered that fucker down as fast as I could, while ignoring the death stare that people were giving me.

But alas, the fun didn't stop there.

Another ringtone went off, but this time it wasn't from my phone!

Of course, everyone in the room thought it was mine!

I mean seriously, I even thought it was mine.

One more time I reached down and got that phone to show my 'rough around the edges friends' that indeed my phone was not illuminated.

It was a relief to me, yet the strangers in the room didn't know it wasn't my phone.

Fortunately for me, the ring tone that didn't belong to me erupted again, and we all realized that it was part of the play.

Well, it didn't really matter.  I was still an asshole in peoples' eyes.

The only saving grace was that I got to meet the writer of the play and apologize profusely, explaining what had happened.

The others will just have to accept that I was that asshole, and point and sneer at me at another time.

I've never been that asshole.

Lord knows enough people call me an asshole for other reasons, but I guess there's a first for everything.

I was that asshole.


  1. Lol, I've been that asshole. I had to laugh at the damn doze. Why does that only happen at the worst times:D

  2. man jamie, it's so fucking ridiculous! i'll have to not only shut off my phone, but cancel my 9:00 reminder as well if i'm out at places where you need to shut that bitch up!!


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