Friday, December 16, 2011

Gimme all your turkey and nobody gets hurt.

You can really tell someone's level of homophobia by their X-mas cards.

People who are accepting of us will send a card to both of us, by either Mr. & Mrs. Hector-Brown, or Andréa & Easton Hector-Brown.

But then again, there's those who choose the latter, because their level of transphobia won't allow them to put a 'Mr' on that envelope.

That doesn't bother me as much, because at least they feel that we're one married unit.


As one.

Alas, then there's the others.

Homophobic #1 will write us each a separate card, without any reference to Mr. or Mrs., enforcing their belief that we are not 'one' in our relationship.

They continue to view my love as female, and myself as a 'pretend' wife.

They won't accept that we are just like any other married family member who deserves the same treatment as the straights in the clan.

They are passive aggressive in nature and won't budge on their stance.

However, Homophobic #2 is even worse.

We will receive separate cards, and on our cards, both prefixes will say 'Miss'.



Not even a thought that we're married, or that my love is going through male transformation.

She got both painful digs in at one time.

Crafty, that old fart.

To the elderly, religiously brainwashed, old coot of 96, we will remain single women, even though she actually walked Papi down the aisle for our wedding.

But to even add more salt to the wound, the G'ma will put my love's chosen ...

... and legal for fucks sakes!! ...

... name, then Papi's birth name in brackets with 'aka' written before it.

I don't know.

I really don't think the old fart is doing this because of Alzheimer's.  She's just an abusive, manipulative woman, who grabs any opportunity to show us how she really feels.

Even though we're miles away in another province right now, the miserable old poop has to find a way to irk us.

There's really no break from the g'ma's nagging either.

She has to call and make sure that she belittles our levels of responsibility.

In other words, we are both stupid and immature, we had a pretend marriage, and are just roommates.

And people wonder why I don't celebrate X-mas?

Because the sheep who talk to imaginary beings in the sky can be so full of hate, and g'mas level is so deep with hate that even her pastor is trying to persuade her to be more loving and accepting.

Why the fuck would I want to celebrate some dead guy who has followers with this behaviour?

No thanks.

But I'll still eat your turkey.


  1. sorry that you are going through this

    and I want to take this moment to thank you for accepting me, and sharing what you are both going threw, has helped me a great deal with understanding our samenesses and our differences
    and acepting things as they are and they are OK


  2. At least on your card she put Miss Andrea Easton Hector-Brown. That means I am your boss and make all the important choices and you have to do all the cooking and cleaning and girly stuff.

    If someone else were to do this on the cards i would be upset but not with her babe. She is 96 and it is too much for her poor old soul to deal with. She will NEVER call me MR and will always usually call me Cheryl. She hangs on to Cheryl b/c my late mom and her daughter named me that.

  3. I'm sorry you both have to go through that, I can't completely understand how it feels, but I can surely sympathize. Most of my family are convinced I'm hell-bound, and that my late sister is already there burning. Lovely bunch they are.

    Anyway, the people who truly care about you that aren't brainwashed beyond saving will understand, and will never belittle you or your relationship. I do hope the two of you have a great holiday season despite the fact that some people will forever keep their minds closed to so-called "taboo issues".

  4. Ugh. I don't know what to offer but my love. For what its worth, you two are an inspiration to me. I still like xmas, even though I will be spending it alone, while my parents and family judge me from a distance. I still like xmas, because it is a chance for me to tell my friends how much I love them, and for me to realize what family REALLY means. I don't do the religious stuff, but xmas still means something to me.

  5. @donna, i am understanding of people when they're making an effort. you are doing this. i am doing this. we both deserve to have people teach us and help us with each others feelings

    @papi, i know she's so old an that she does have 'love' in there ... it's just so hurtful to be belittled into a 'miss'. it hurts.

    @jez, i'm so damn sorry that your family would feel this way about someone who's soul has rested. i just don't understand hoe people can view this hate as 'right'. that dead dude on a stick would never approve of this hate.

    @bio, thank you for your love. it's all i ask for.

  6. I can understand why that hurts. Especially when so much effort went into it. And it really sucks that some people just do not accept that love is love,and a marriage is real, regardless of the sexes involved. I know age should not be an excuse, but honestly I use it with my grandparents too.

  7. @jamie, papi talked me down from the hurt ... sometimes, it's so hard to see the love through the 'mean' intentions.


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