Ok, Rudolph. I give.

I sing in the car.

It's my favourite thing to do.

It keeps my P.T.S.D. on the low side, because I'm relaxed and happy.

Until Xmas comes along.

All I have to choose from is really bad rock or horrid Xmas carols.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, Bah Humbug.

Yes.

I am the female version of Scrooge minus the meanness.

I hate Xmas carols.

The last few days, I've been feeling much better with my Xmas Meltdown.  I've been writing my gratitude list and feeling much more positive.

So.

When Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer came on and I was in the mood to sing, I felt I had to sing along.

I sang at the top of my lungs, hoping that the music gods would give me one of my most recent fave country songs to sing as a reward.

Nope.

I got bamboozled.

Well, today, I guess I gave in.

If there's nothing on that fucking car radio except Xmas songs, then I'll sing along.

We Three Kings was the worst.  Never been a 'singing' song to reach the bottom of your lungs.

So, there you have it.

I've given in to the Xmas carols.

Fine.

You win.

But don't think I'll be enjoying myself.  I'm only biding my time until the regular rotation comes back.

Ok.  Bad Xmas mood has to take a break while I talk about the good!

I have a gratitude buddy, so even though I didn't get my gratitude up here yesterday, I've been writing to my sweet butch friend who is having a rough go this year.

It's been doing us good.  The whole day, you have to think of things you're grateful for so that you can share it.

What this does, is it begins to rewire your brain to see the good, then you're focusing on the good, which starts to attract good to you.

Here's my good, mixed in with my gratitude list.

I'm allowed to be lazy.

I'm happy goddamit.  So here ya go:

I'm grateful to feel happy today.

I'm grateful that my Long Term Disability has now kicked in, and by next week, we'll have money.

I'm grateful for my friends who are adamant that they will see me over this weekend, because this 'special time' is meant for friends to gather.

I'm grateful to Papi for being my teacher in the lesson of love.

I'm grateful I have enough strength to exercise.

I'm grateful that I have my eggs and coffee for breakfast.

I'm grateful that I have warm clothes.