Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Turning the corner.

It started with consoling my love, by stroking his naked thigh.

You see, 'someone' has a touch of hormone madness from the hysterectomy.

I can't remember why Papi needed comforting, but that's how it began.

I didn't realize it, but I was stroking mi esposo's man hair leg, and to my surprise, it didn't feel like a nasty Brillo Pad, raring to cut my flesh like a knife through butter.

I was enjoying the feeling, as if it was a member of our Fuzzy Family.

"It actually doesn't feel so bad.  It's pretty soft!  I think I'm getting used to it."

Papi responded with, "Yeah, I'm finally getting used to it too.  It was weird at first."

It shocked me, that Papi had to get used to it as well.

I really thought he would feel connection with every aspect of the transformation.

I suppose all the joking and terrorizing was really my love's way to deal with the changes.

I guess it's an adjustment for everyone that takes getting used to.

I mean, it must be!  It's huge for me, so it must have some impact on the person who's morphing, leaving their prior 'self' behind.

One of the most amazing therapists I ever had, once explained our reactions to loss, change, hurt and even joy.

She explained that every person is unalike, and is therefore cut from a different cloth.  We all have distinctive strengths and weaknesses.

When you press an iron at a high setting on varying materials, they each have individual reactions.

If someone is made of silk, well, you can imagine what the heat will do to them.

Honestly, I'm 100% sure that there will be more challenges in life, because that's just the way life is.

But perhaps, my silky fabric has changed into denim.

Anyway, I thought about how lucky I am to have found this person I love, who loves me as deeply.

I no longer care if my love has extra hair, although there will be waxing in Papi future.

I mean really!  I keep those areas tidy for sexy time, skirt exposed legs and armpit stink.

So yes, there will be waxing, Papi.

However, I really don't care if my love talks, walks, acts, or looks different anymore.

I've had a good year to get it out of my system, and at the same time, grow with the changes.

I'm still attracted and madly in love with mi esposo.


That doesn't mean I'm going to let go of all my opportunities to share TMI about his antics here in my blob/blab.

There's just too much fun to be had with the DIY exploits of the Tranny Terrorist.

But what I do get to let go of, is that comatose, weeping wife of an F-M.

Over the past week, I've unconsciously started to rub Papi's chest.

Through my love's t-shirts, I let my fingers softly rub over the scars.

There may be loss of pillowy softness, but that loss doesn't compare to the love I have for Papi, which was really my worst worry.

Now that I know my attraction and love are here to stay, I'm ready to get on with life and talk about other important things.

Like my ass.

My love thinks it's imperative that I get a pic of my ass in this here blob/blab, because, "It's a great ass," my love pleaded, "You have to show everyone your ass!  Look at that ass!  It's better than a 20 year old's!"

Yeah it is, but no.

Other than when my cheeks are nicely tucked into a pair of yoga pants, or skin tight Dominican Republic jeans for the world to see, my butt belongs to Papi.

Well, except for when I lend it to the Needle Master.


  1. hi ingo! thank you for being a new reader xoxo welcome to my crazy world ...

  2. And it is a Crazy world!

    Very encouraging post, Andréa. It's been one helluva year for you!

  3. You both have come a long way.What can i say about the power of love.

    Love is the answer to everything, that is my belief for all life's questions.

    I might not have a soul mate yet but i know that there is someone for everyone...

  4. Well, you've come an amazingly long way this year. Hopefully next year will offer maybe not so many twists and turns, but all the love that held you two together through the year and out the other side.

  5. RE: our talk the other day...

    i've been bitchin about the fuzz factory all month long. frick. i couldn't figure out why i hate gettin upset at getting hairy.

    then i figure it out... because being less hairy = feeling proud of my ancestry.

    it ain't a gender thing.

    like it somehow makes me more visible as a POC. lol the shit we tell ourselves hey?

    silly i know. when you are light skinned - always assumed to be (fully/just) white- it's a real loss!

    (fyi- i like my white genes too)

    plus having creamy, soft, smooth, skin ties into all that healthy youthfulness - 'let's devalue aging and experience' bullcrap. Fashionable -non?

    (it's all just a very base reproductive instinct gone wild anyway)

    if we weren't all driven by 'the force to propagate' - as illogical it is for queer folks to be- then gay guys wouldn't shave their sacks or get their chests waxed.

    AND you wouldn't care about your not-20-yr-old ass looking like Jessica Alba on a stair-master.

    The vanity and price of being famous or infamous if that's your thing. No-one listens to the lyrics anyways. they're too busy checking out your ass. LOL

    but if u gots it then shake that money maker!

    ok so i said i wanted to post some of our talk on your blog- (Big A and really big A's FU to the h8turdz! They just wish they could be as fierce as you.)

    how did i put it? oh yeah "Fuck the community. I'm posting that shit on yer blog."

    if you 'look femme' you 'must be' straight right? and now that your 'hus-bitch' err Papi looks like any other tattooed dude - bam!! yer out of the club sister!

    in public most folks won't say shit to offend lesbians - that just ain't cool anymore. flat chested and not- femme or butch - as long as they can 'tell' you're both girls - you are safe to do as u want with immunity! that would be the V-jay card working it's magic. sure it doesn't work everywhere, all time - but it has it's perks.

    Remember kids: avoidance ain't approval.

    re: the loss of your perfect butch being replaced by a "hairy boobless beastie"...

    As happy as most guys feel about their transition. A lot if us have to mourn and let go of our perfect butch lesbian/genderqueer/whatever self image too.

    I'm having issues with getting hairy. Losing my queer identity /visibility.

    COz once you pass - that's it!

    We become targets for the str8-h8ters.

    us Icky men. all evil till proven otherwise.

    Can't smile at little kids in the supermarket anymore. Not unless we want to meet some officers.

    Never have a nice girl say hi at a bus stop coz yeah we just might be a rapist.

    Forget talking to any stranger- anywhere at any time - unless both parties are visibly drunk. Effin weirdo.

    And we must NEVER ever make *any* eye contact with other guys. Anywhere ever never ever. Coz That could get us killed.

    Unless we're at the gay bar and we're cruising for gay guys who aren't trans-phobic. then it's the 3 second rule just to say...

    it's on!

  6. @cayman, indeed ...

    @alex, there is my dear ... you know it!

    @jamie, i have ya know? this actually is the most peaceful xmas i've had in over 6 years to be honest.

    and hell ya 100!

  7. @anonymous (teehee i know who you are) your input is so great ... i really appreciate it. when you let me know about your side, it's nice to hear more from others' side ... lord knows i go on about mine enough lol!

  8. Yes Anonymous I have learned that in some ways I cannot say the same things or act the same ways as I used to.

    I am quite chatty to strangers and talk up women, men and kids. Now I'm paranoid someone will think i'm being a creepy creep! Andréa reminds me that both my Grandfather and Uncle were/are chatty too.(To my knowledge people don't think they are creepy) So i guess I will just be me, with a few tweaks.


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