Sunday, February 5, 2012

Let's get this clear.

For the most part, throughout my life, I've been called a man hater.

I've begun to see what this means from the outside world now.

I've had some amazing males in my life that I would never in an eternity want to live without.  These are people like my band mate, and chosen brother for HECTOR.

He's the longest male relationship I've ever had.  I adore him.

He drives me crazy, but I love him.

Hey.  Isn't that what brothers are for?  I'm pretty sure that makes him my true kin.

Anyway, there are some amazing men in my life, and I would never want them to be hurt by my actions or words.

Being a survivor of a few different forms of abuse, I've had to work on my fear of men, which turns into something else entirely when we over compensate, and it will be seen as hatred.

Of course, some of these men that inhabit our planet are worthy of this feeling, but I have to attach different words to it.

It's not 'men' that are horrible beings.

They are human beings who happen to be male.

There are some nasty women out there, believe me.  But, I won't go there right now though.

... there's plenty of time to bitch about you too ... trust me ...

So, yesterday, I found myself bashing men in front of my love.

I had to quickly retract my words and specify that I was generalizing about bio-males.

Then I realized that this is an insult to the good men in my life.

It was at that moment, that I realized what people were talking about all these years.

I would never want to hurt the good men out there.  There are good men out there.

When I find them, I hold on to them for dear life, because they're what gives me hope.  These are the ones who make up for the rest of the crud of the earth.

As per usual, I learn from my mistakes.

This transformation has opened up so much for me in my life. 

I see love easier, now that I've found the people in my life I can trust.

I see my fears and have come to understand so much of my past feelings and why I am the way I am.

I'm being taught huge lessons that have begun to enrich my life.

I've learned that true love is unconditional.

This man:

... is my teacher.

I now see that I can only place hatred for the people on this planet who use their power for evil.

Be it a woman, a man, or a transgender person, these people don't deserve to sway my emotions to negativity, nor do they deserve to have power over me, to the point where others will see me as a male basher.

I love men.

I love good men.

I love you, Papi.

And you look oh so cute in your new glasses.

... no mantra for you yet, because my gratitude buddy is sleeping a well deserved sleep in and hasn't gotten it to me ... it's her turn today ... but perhaps, today is your day to make your own?  i will update later if you'd like to come back and get ours ...


  1. Great post Andrea! We have to be careful not to tar everyone with the same brush. I know some men that are assholes and women as well. Being an a-hole knows no gender. We just need to surround ourselves with people that make us feel good and have our back no matter what. All the best to you and Papi.

    1. the really good people of the world are helping me see past my fears xo

  2. Progress, with a capital P! It's so great when we have that sudden moment of awareness and we can change our mindset and associated behaviours accordingly. Love this post as it's yet another testament to your incredible strength and love. :)

    1. :) thank you vee .. sometimes, it's hard to admit when we see it. i wanted to ignore it before, but i can't anymore

  3. Yay, for an epiphany!

    Darlin', there are assholes in every bunch, and disliking them for being such doesn't make you a bad person. It's when you dislike a whole group because of the actions of a few, or one that does.

    So, just remember, hate the assholes, and love the sweethearts. :) (but I think you do that already, so I am preaching to the choir)

    1. yeah ... it's years of thinking that has to be reversed. workin' it.

  4. Those who would think that you're a man hater don't really know you at all.

    1. aw alex ... you are my sweetest heart i know ... i adore you xo

  5. Excellent post my dear A! You have come a longggggg longggg way my dearest!

    I am so damn proud I have been privileged enough to see all this growth in someone I call a friend! Booyah!

    Hey,Papi is a cutie with those glasses!

    1. isn't papi cute in them?! he was excited to get them. that was the part that was the most fun lol!


your comments make this world feel smaller ... and you feel closer