Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Papi withdrawal.

So, I went from amitriptyline withdrawal, to caffeine withdrawal ...

... haven't been able to drink it since the egg disaster day ... will attempt to stay off it until after my jaw surgery next month ... wish me luck on that one!! ...

... and now Papi withdrawal.

I have a question for you.

I'm going to do a poll.

When I am not well, I like to be nurtured, coddled, my back or head stroked, or just plain cuddled.

I like the feeling of being touched, because it over rules my feelings of the illness.

Papi on the other hand?

He doesn't even like to be spoken to.

He says his skin actually hurts to touch.

Hence, since the hysterectomy, there has been no chance for intimacy.

I miss my love so much.

I almost broke down last night, because I just needed to hold mi esposo.

Ok, maybe I'm P.M.S.ing and I'm a little over the top needy.

But dammit I want my mother fucking cuddles!!!!!!

My love explains his sensation to me every single time there's something that has him not well, but still, I just want to hold him.

I remember a flu we shared at the same time.

We had a shower together as our offending odors were permeating the household.

We stood in the shower, so sick that we couldn't do much but hold each other.  It's really all we could do.

But feeling my love's skin upon my skin was so beautiful.  It wasn't about sex, it was about intimacy.

I need it back.

I need Papi to be very well again so I can have my cuddles.

I've been neglected in my cuddles this year.  First, I was a lunatic wife grieving the loss of my butch, and that's just not cuddly.  Next, the top surgery took my love away from me for many many months.

Just as he was starting to allow me to touch him, the hysterectomy came.  There have been no cuddles since.

My love is starting to really feel better, as he attempted the gutter cleaning yesterday.

I'm sorry I have no pictures for you, because we aborted the mission when the ladder started wiggling and it scared us.

Papi made a good choice of allowing me to go across the street to the guy cleaning gutters there and ask to hire him.

Great decision Papi!!!

This DIY attempt made me see that he's feeling much better and I'll get my cuddles back, but not quite yet.  There's still a little more to go.

The amitriptyline withdrawal destroyed my stomach.  The caffeine withdrawal gave me 24 hours of a headache from hell, along with a short fuse for anything remotely bothersome.

The Papi withdrawal is strangling my heart.

I need my love back.

I'll patiently wait until Papi is well, but that doesn't mean it will get any easier.

Oh yeah!  The question!

What do you need when you're sick?  Cuddles or space?

the more grateful i am, the more reasons i have to be grateful


  1. I hope all is better soon. I admit, I cannot kick my caffeine addiction. I am more of a I whine, you cater to me sick person. Sometimes a cuddler, but then I will suddenly feel overheated and fling C away. C is more of the stoic martyr when he's not feeling well "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me" But yeah, he likes skin contact.

    1. i can't kick the caffeine normally. i was so sick, even a sip made me run to the washroom heaving.

      i figure i got out of the worst of it, i may as well hold on till after the surgery, b/c caffeine makes you bleed more.

      and why do we seem to get matched up with opposites all the time lol! so many people have chimed in about it and it seems like opposites truly do attract.

      i want my cuddles.

    2. It's true about the opposite thing. I've been with guys who seem so much like me, and then the slightest difference is a deal breaker. Maybe when you go into a relationship with someone different you know that both of you need more flexibility. Or maybe we just like the differences;)

    3. i tend to date people that have the absolute WORST eating habits as i stick to my whole food, non dairy/sugar/wheat/potato diet.

      you know how hard it is to watch someone eat all the good stuff day in and out?!?!?!

      yeah. opposites attract.

  2. Cuddles all the way for me and as much sympathy as you can muster. I give, give, give when others are sick (that's the Nurse in me) but I get nothing when I'm sick. It sucks all the way to hell and back!

  3. Really, for me it depends on so many things as to whether or not I want to be touched/snuggled.

    I mean, I love snuggles, hugs, touch and the like; so don't get me wrong there.

    I have a mild nerve disorder, and so some days touch can be so overwhelming that it borders on pain, and others, I am like a little sponge going "Touch me. Touch me. TOUCH ME!!!"

    And when I am sick I tend to find the polar opposites I usually function at get drastically worse. I am either joined at the hip with my sweetie, or I am "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

    Although, all of my own shit aside. I so get the missing physical contact/touch. And well, I know I am not E, but if I were closer, I would definitely give ya all the hugs you need. Cause what are friends for? ;) And hell, if you're nice, I'd even let ya do a kilt check. HAHAHA

    1. lol! i didn't know it was the nice ones who got to do a kilt check!!!

      i wonder if E has something like the nerve thing. i've never heard of someone actually hurting like that.

      well, other than me. but that goes without saying.

      i just hurt.


  4. cuddles forever, no matter what. I need to be cuddled.

    hope you are feeling better and getting some cuddles now.


    1. no cuddles yet alex. poor sweety is sleeping on the la-z-boy still!!

      i knew you'd be one of my kind. the cuddling kind xoxo

  5. Depends on the ilness. If it's something that's making me feel sweaty and hot....then SPACE!!!!

    1. ah. yes. the sweaty hot sickie. that's when i'd like someone to touch me with a cold compress.


      i'm a toucher.

      is that sounding a bit perverted?! hehehe


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