Friday, February 10, 2012

Words hurt. Don't kid yourself.

"You want me to call a wambulance I'll pack you some cheese to go along with your whine"

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?


Words hurt.

Anyone who has felt the pain of abusive words can tell you this.

The abusive words that my family hurled at one another have made me the loonie-toon I am today.  These are the words that have kept me feeling unworthy of existing.

When someone is reaching out and saying how much they're hurting, they don't need to be told, "Suck it up.  Quit whining."

They need to be supported.

If someone is hurting, chances are they do it in silence, for fear of the above attitude being hurled at them.

When we suffer in silence, our minds will tell us all sorts of lies to keep us in the rut of torture.

Those who have never felt suicidal or depressed have absolutely no idea what it is like to endure this excruciating angst.

The person who is writhing in pain stands on the edge of a very steep cliff.  It doesn't take much to push them even an inch closer to their threshold.

So, when someone tries to reach out, followed by someone telling us we're whining, it doesn't heal us.  It just allows us to berate ourselves a little more.

I have had friends in my life that can't handle my emotional breakdowns.  Fair enough.  Not everybody can.

But if we are telling you that we're hurting, be honest and tell us your shortcomings are that you don't know how to support someone who is feeling this way, because you don't understand.

Please don't try to silence the person.  If you don't have it in you to support, it's ok!

Plenty of people aren't supportive and they get along with all the others who don't need any.

However, we who suffer deserve to be set free to find the support we need.

We do not need to be put even further down into our Pit of Doom, so that we listen to the voices that tell us we don't really deserve to be here on this planet.

You never know what stage someone's depression is at.  You could never know, because you're not that person.

But I'll tell you one thing, if someone is at a point in their life where they're telling you how much pain they're in, telling them to quit whining, even as a joke to lighten a mood, is hurtful.

You never know if that person will finally have enough of the pain that they're considering stopping it by vanishing all together.

You never know if those words will be the vehicle that drives us 6 feet under.

Word hurt.

Don't kid yourself.

These words were the very reason I was so afraid to open my mouth just over a year ago.

I was terrified that I'd be told, "You have nothing to cry about," like my mother always said.


If someone is hurting and you don't know how to support them, tell them.  You'll probably hear from them that they just need you to listen.

Sometimes, all we need is to get those words out of our mouths, so they will begin to leave our brains, and eventually leave our souls in peace.

You never know what stage someone's suicidal idealism is at.

Do you want to be the one to push them over the edge and watch them land in a heap of broken bones?

Probably not.

So, please, choose your words wisely.

i release desperation and allow love to find me


  1. ♥ I know that is true and agree. I need to go apologize to someone now :(

    1. aw sweety, if you can recognize it, then you can start to see the affect.

      we all have to learn one way or another. i think you know that i learn from my mistakes too xo

  2. No truer words have been uttered. And I think you touched on the most important part of it. If you can't be supportive...just fucking say so, don't throw it off on the person you can't be supportive of by saying shit like, "suck it up" or "get over yourself". Just simply say, "Sorry, don't have the bandwidth.." or something kind like that. Because REALLY you DON'T have a clue how close to the edge that person may be.

    1. i can't tell you how many times in my life i've heard all these words.

      we need to be much nicer to one another.

  3. Wow, so powerful and so true. I try to tell people I suck at finding the right words, and feel stupid saying it, but maybe now I'm thinking it's not so bad after all.

    1. jamie, your honesty will be appreciated. if you're being honest, then people won't be let down, ya know?

    2. Hi it's paws. I so want to go with u guys but I'm working. Just remember u can wear shorts and a tshirt. It's about what makes u comfortable Bella. Believe babe u r worth it

    3. aw paws. next time! it was so much fun!

  4. So true, Andrea. Well written. I hope this post reaches a large audience because MANY people need to read it.

    1. it's people like you who give me faith that the world is full of beauty vee.

  5. In December, I had a personal crisis in which I reached out. I had not one, but two things happen. One 'friend' ripped me a new asshole(which, in my broken state, I did not need)the second just ignored my request, and I haven't heard from this person since. I am not sure which is worse, being talked down to in words, or to not be addressed whatsoever(ignored). Much love to you A xox

    1. i know you know this, but if there is any time you need to find support, i will be there in a heartbeat.

      i've had it happen too ... but it makes our friends who can lift us up that much closer to us.

      a xo


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