What's up yer kilt?

Papi's body is changing.

I didn't see it before, but it's happening.

I've never seen anything so weird in all my life.  This truly is a trip!

I can't even tell you what it is that is changing, but there are changes.

He almost seems taller.  He definitely looks more masculine than before.

My love asked me, "Am I looking more muscular?  I was told all my fat will turn to muscle now."

Yeah.  You male fuckers really have an advantage there.

It takes us ladies 5 times more work to get the same result as you.

Then there's the wrinkles.  You get wrinkles and you look distinguished, but we are judged for our age.

You get grey hair and you look wiser, where we just look over the hill.

Anyway, we have one advantage over you.

Clothes.

Our clothes are way better.

There's only so much you dudes can do with your bottom half of your wardrobe.

Enjoy your fucking pants.

I hope you secretly pine to wear a kilt.

But please wear your whitey tighties under that outfit.  Nobody needs to see what's going on in the 'man zone'.

Well, at least I don't.  I'm sure I know quite a few more ladies who feel the way I do.

Let's get back on topic before I start having a panic attack about penes.

Papi.

Well actually, I'm done on that topic.  I wanted to tell you about our car.

We've been having electrical problems and finally brought our traveling advertisement to get fixed.

They called us back to let us know what the problem was.

Rats.

We had a colony living under our hood.  Every once in a while, we'd get this stink coming from our car and we couldn't figure out what it was.  It was a bit akin to that Seinfeld episode.

However, now we know.

Fricassed rats.

I'm horrified!  I love rats!  I know they're troublesome, but I could never intentionally kill them.  They're one of the smartest critters on our fine planet!

Alas, they removed their nest and we now have lights back on the inside of our car.

The other thing I wanted to tell you is that I'm not dead.

Just thought I'd let you know.

Throughout the day, I managed to hold down 8 crackers, a quarter cup of apple sauce, one can of ginger ale and have lived to tell the tale.

You bitches didn't get rid of me that quickly.  Remember?  You can't kill me.

But nice try.

fake it till you make it