I wasn't really expecting a big monumental moment, nor was I expecting my lunacy to end.
I just wanted to see if I'm still as wacky as the last time I looked into it.
She's still there, however, I'm not feeling the burn from the visions she expunges.
Still, I really wasn't expecting what I actually gained from it.
I did expect that there wouldn't be a "HOORAY!" from the peanut gallery.
I didn't think I'd get a parade out of it.
I did know that if my dysphoria would not have been cured.
But there was something I had no idea I'd receive.
My love decided to replace my words of praise to myself with words of praise from him.
It was certainly a wonderful sight.
I told a few friends about it. I just didn't tell my love how much it meant to me.
I bragged to a few lovely souls who struggle with eating disorders. I needed to share how good this made me feel.
But I didn't tell Papi!
My dear sweet love didn't get to know what he had done for my heart. He didn't get to know about how fortunate I feel to have such a caring person who knows what I need to hear.
Well, he knows what I need to hear but doesn't just tell me fluff for the hell of it.
He'll tell me when I need to be told the truth.
Regardless, the paper is down and I'm going to be leaving this gem exchange of love up for a while.
It doesn't mean that I've been healed from this ridiculous mental disorder. I'd like to know from any of my friends with an eating disorder, does your dysphoria ever go away?
I don't think so.
Not for me anyway, but to have a sweet message on my mirror does indeed make everything feel better.
That and the fact that I held down a soy latte yesterday.
It was pure heaven.
i am safe to feel vulnerable