Monday, February 27, 2012

exchanges of love.

I took the paper off my mirror.

I wasn't really expecting a big monumental moment, nor was I expecting my lunacy to end.

I just wanted to see if I'm still as wacky as the last time I looked into it.


She's still there, however, I'm not feeling the burn from the visions she expunges.

Still, I really wasn't expecting what I actually gained from it.

I did expect that there wouldn't be a "HOORAY!" from the peanut gallery.

I didn't think I'd get a parade out of it.

I did know that if my dysphoria would not have been cured.

But there was something I had no idea I'd receive.

My love decided to replace my words of praise to myself with words of praise from him.


It was certainly a wonderful sight.

I told a few friends about it.  I just didn't tell my love how much it meant to me.

I bragged to a few lovely souls who struggle with eating disorders.  I needed to share how good this made me feel.

But I didn't tell Papi!

My dear sweet love didn't get to know what he had done for my heart.  He didn't get to know about how fortunate I feel to have such a caring person who knows what I need to hear.

Well, he knows what I need to hear but doesn't just tell me fluff for the hell of it.

He'll tell me when I need to be told the truth.

Regardless, the paper is down and I'm going to be leaving this gem exchange of love up for a while.

It doesn't mean that I've been healed from this ridiculous mental disorder.  I'd like to know from any of my friends with an eating disorder, does your dysphoria ever go away?

I don't think so.

Not for me anyway, but to have a sweet message on my mirror does indeed make everything feel better.

That and the fact that I held down a soy latte yesterday.

It was pure heaven.

i am safe to feel vulnerable


  1. You could always fill up the space that paper covered with millions of wee little love notes to each other going forward :)xo
    -mr wolf

    1. :)

      i've started saving the ones that fall on the floor with plans for them xoxo


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