Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Rolling up my sleeves.

We make our own choices when we decide if we're going to be happy or not.

It may sound like a tall order, but it's imperative that we know this.

Nobody can help us out of our Pit of Doom.  It's up to each of us as individuals to do this.  It's difficult, but it's our own responsibility.

It also seems unfair, that we have a debilitating mental illness when we live with depression, but we're also under obligation to fix it on our own.

Life isn't fair, but it can be beautiful if we look for the good.

I was lucky enough to have an impromptu visit by two of my very sweet friends yesterday.  It was fantastic on so many levels!

I was so happy to find out that my friend wasn't the recipient of a horrible disease.  They don't know what he's got, but at least it's not MS.

Yet here he was, with his beautiful wife, bringing joy to my day, even though they were out to deal with a stress in their lives.

Well, it wasn't only joy they brought me.

It was the reminder that I need to put down all the 'I can't right now' thoughts and get back to what makes me happy.

Or rather, less stressed and whole.

Only two days before their arrival, I was lying in a sugar hangover from another sweet couple's wedding.

I lied down for the whole day, and noticed that all the things on my ToDo list have been creeping up my back.

Actually, they're not really all ToDo.  The majority of them are the things I need to do to remain happy.

I have to remind myself to do these things, or I'll find myself wandering around the house, being distracted by either shiny, or pretty things.

One of those things I need to do to be happy and stress free, is to practise.

Obviously, that should be my first priority, as it has been that way for my entire life up until the accident.

However, now, I have to remind myself that these are the things that keep me whole.

As I lay, shaking off the wheat free, dairy free, sugar loaded wedding cake attack, I looked at my piano.

It's lying beneath more ToDo items, a laundry basket, and two boxes of shame, meant to be taken from the vicinity.

Yet, all I could do was look at it.

This is the way it's been since the accident.  I stare at my instruments and berate myself for not playing them.

Well, my dear friend who visited yesterday has decided to take up guitar.

I was so thrilled for him and thought I'd give him a few pointers about strengthening and positioning on the fret board.  In order to do that, I had to pick up my bass.

I picked her up and the love I felt was like electricity.




All of this comes when I play my bass, piano or sing, and since the withdrawal of pain meds and the jaw surgery following in it's wake, I haven't touched my instruments.

It's a little hard to do when your face is in a toilet heaving out all the poisons from your body.

Not to mention I couldn't really move much after my surgery.

So there lies my piano under rubble, and my bass hidden by more ToDo items.

Until yesterday.

I picked up my leading lady and played, sang a song, and strengthened my weak fingers while she held the rhythm.

This was all because my sweet friends arrived and I wanted to help them.

My friends have absolutely no idea how much they helped me.

All we have to do is pick up the things that make us happy.  That's really all we have to do.

Every day.

i choose to be happy


  1. I love this post and learned from it. You are so smart ♥

    Glad you got to play and sing yesterday :)

    1. alex, i only have a few more years on you. you're just as smart my dear xoxo

  2. I'm glad you got back to what gives you joy. That's important. Sometimes we forget to spend the time on what nourishes our joy in life, too caught up in the day to day battles.

    1. sometimes, we just need a nudge to get us out of the nest :)

      but it's so important to do!!

  3. A very positive post. Hope you always keep these happy thoughts alive.

    1. ramakant, i work on it every day. every day i share my gratitude list and chant my mantra.

      it's work to stay here, but it's possible xoxo


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